Forgiveness or rather, not forgiveness.

I am having trouble keeping my promise to myself. I promised to not hate another person, to not wish someone dead or hurt. I think I did okay when Frank Phelps died. But today I read about a man, a Father, who beat his 6 week old daughter bad enough to break her arm and put her in the freezer when she wouldn't stop crying. All I can think of is that he should be put in a freezer, with a broken arm wearing only a diaper, so he can feel what his child felt. Perhaps give him some drugs so that he doesn't really understand what is happening to him, at least for the first hour or so. Then let him regain his mental abilities and fully understand what he did to his poor little baby. Then lock him up until his daughter is at least 21, so that she can legally take care of herself and stay away from him without depending on someone else to protect her.

I guess it's a good thing she is so young. She probably won't remember any of it. The article didn't mention if she will have lasting problems because of any of this, but hopefully she will grow up just fine and won't have any lingering difficulties to deal with.

I want to forgive and turn it all over to God. But I can't stop thinking that someone should hurt him like he hurt his child. I want to be able to have only compassion for all people, but I can't when I'm dealing with people like that. I'll keep trying, maybe someday I'll be able to do that.

More thoughts on life and religion.

So, it's Christmas which leads me to think about God and Jesus and what I believe. I've been led to believe that Love, Kindness, and trying not to force my beliefs on other people is the right thing. Jesus taught that we are to love each other. Living a life that centers itself around loving and caring for other people reduces the amount of negative feeling I have.

I think that everyone has the right to believe whatever they want to believe. They can say whatever they want to say. I just wish that everyone would think just a bit more before they say some things. I wish that people would not try to make other people do what they think is right based on their religion. The USA is not supposed to be a Government guided by religion. Each of us should take our own religious beliefs, or lack of religious belief, into account when deciding what each of us should do, but not when deciding what everyone else must do. Know what I mean?

Homosexuality and Same Sex Marriage for example. I fully support any one's right to the religious belief that same sex relationships are sinful, I don't support the idea however. So if it is a sin in your belief system and you are trying to avoid sinning, then don't be in that kind of relationship. You can only be responsible for your own sins, and shouldn't dictate to others about their sins.

I know that the Bible says that some things are sins. But it also says that the laws are for believers. You can teach others, you can guide others, but the biblical laws that Christians are supposed to live by are laws for Christians. So they should not be forced on other people. I also think that the Bible was never meant to be a static book. I think it was meant to grow and shift depending on the times and the kind of community, country, and world you are living in. For example: "Go forth and multiply" isn't really very important these days. There are plenty of people, and I don't think we need to make more Christians, convert them maybe but making new ones by having dozens of children isn't needed any more. One or two children per family would help keep the population down and help save our resources. I don't mind families that have more children than that, it's their choice and if they can take care of them all I think they should do what they feel is best. An other example would be: "Go into the world and proclaim the gospel to every nation" isn't important any more, since I think that almost all people have at least heard of Jesus and Christianity, it isn't like it was in the days when Christianity was new. It also isn't easy to find clothing that doesn't have mixed fibers. The times have changed, and I believe that the Bible was meant to change with it.

I may be wrong. But I'd rather err on the side of loving others than on the side of telling them what to do. I think that Jesus would like my stance, I

What if they are wrong?

I've read a couple of articles lately on a blog by a single Dad. It's called "Single Dad Laughing". These posts were about love. One of them is titled "I'm Christian unless you are gay". It is about how people who say they are Christian don't act very Christian when they are confronted by someone who is part of a group the think are wrong, sinners, or evil. It could be Gay people, it could be Homeless people, but these so called Christians respond to them with hate. Not Love. They do not do what Jesus and God have told them to do, which is to love everyone. They condemn them, they wish bad things for them, they treat them with disgust or out right hate.

So I was thinking about God, and my relationship with God. I try to love everyone, I'm not very good at it though. I find it hard to love people who discriminate against others for any reason. I need to work on that. Loving others does not mean bringing the into your home, it doesn't mean that you have to stop and hug everyone. But I'm not sure how to love someone who is dangerous to me or to my kids. People who would hurt us because I believe different than they do. Child molesters, murderers, people who seem to be nearly totally evil. So I need to work on that.

And then I thought "What if it isn't God that these hate filled people are being led by but an evil force?" I'm not sure if I believe in the "devil" or "Satan", but I do know that there is an evil force in the world. What if all the hate, disgust, discrimination, and other negative behavior is Evil leading otherwise good people into sin? I've heard some of them say that  _____ is just Satan confusing you, or leading you astray. What if they are wrong and THEY are the ones being lead astray?

I can only do what I feel is what God would want me to do. All I can do is keep trying to spread Love where ever and when ever I can. I can try to show only love to people who are showing only hate. It will be hard, I don't know if I can do it. But I can try with all my heart, and I think that will be good enough.

Cooking from scratch and finding good recipes for homemade "packaged foods".

I'm looking for something I can make for dinner that I can use homemade pasta in. I now have a pasta machine, and I can't wait to use it. I just have to discover a good pasta dish that I can make which will highlight the homemade pasta. I'll try to post pictures if I find something, and if it turns out good. LOL

I like cooking from scratch, with as little packaged foods as possible. I've made homemade mac and cheese, but the kids don't like it. I want to find a way to make rice-a-roni too because the kids like it with some chicken, or beef or pork cut up in it, throw in a few veggies and it's a good meal. Well it will be when I figure out how to make it without all the salt and sugar boxed foods tend to have. I'm trying to do more natural foods because children, especially those with special needs, are more sensitive to the chemicals and modified foods. I don't think either of our kids have any problems with food, but  who knows? So, anyway, I'm looking for homemade recipes of the convenience type foods kids seem to love so much. I'm going to use real sugar, butter not margarine, whole milk, cream, fresh vegetables and meats whenever possible, and frozen or home canned fruits and vegetables as much as I need to. Dried foods would be good too, if I dry them myself. I need to get a dehydrator soon, the kids like dried apples, cherries, and blue berries. I can get those easily around here. I'd like to try drying some veggies too, maybe broccoli and peppers for a start.

I haven't had much contact with anyone in the family except for my Mom since we all left her place after her birthday. I play Words with Friends with my youngest brother sometimes. And I keep up with what my brother in California and his family are doing because of Facebook. It makes me a little sad, because I love my family so much, but we are not very good at keeping in contact. Besides I know that the California part of the family is VERY conservative, fundamental Christian  and think I'm VERY liberal and not Christian at all. They are some of the people I mentioned in another post about religion, they are some of the ones who think they know what I believe but probably don't. Another one would be my niece, I doubt that she has a real idea of my political or religious standing. It's okay though. I still love all of them no matter what.

Talking to people about science and religion.

I need to figure out how to explain to someone who claims that evolution is just a theory, and not a fact, that the use of theory in science is different than they use of theory in common language. Should I ask if they believe in gravity? Because it's still The Gravitational Theory, not The Gravitational Fact. But ... I don't know if that would really tell them anything, of it would make them angry. Some of these people are people I love and care about, so I don't want to make them angry with me. Besides I agree with them about creationism, at least in part. Because like I said yesterday God created our soul in his image, out bodies evolved, with divine assistance or without but that doesn't negate the fact that evolution exists and you can watch it happen among creatures with a shorter life span than ours.

Some of these people said something different last year, than they do today. Especially where it involves either evolution or gay marriage. Last year both were okay, gay marriage wasn't for them but it didn't matter if anyone else did it. Now both are wrong. Evolution, I already discussed in the previous paragraph. Gay marriage is now wrong because they think that God says that being gay is wrong. This is too bad, because God loves all of us the same. Straight as well as homosexual. The Bible says that being gay is wrong, but it was written by men, and edited by men, and translated by men, some of those men had an agenda in what they were doing. If God made us all, and God is perfect, and God can not make mistakes, then God made homosexuals just as he made everyone else, and since he is perfect he intended them to be homosexual. Who are we to second guess God?

 I also have a problem with people who think that they can do God's job. By that I mean that they think that they can judge other humans and decide which will go to heaven and which will not.

Thought about religion, family, and politics.

I find it interesting that people I've never really spoken to about my religious and political views think they know how I feel or what I believe. The worst offenders, if that is what they can be called, are family members. I don't speak to most of them about these things, because my Dad prefers to keep those kinds of discussions out of family gatherings. My brothers think they know that I'm a non-Christian Liberal, because I think that people should be able to make their own choices about their lives. They should be able to love who they want and worship how they want. I also think that religion should stay out of schools, and other government things. Our laws should not be based on a religious idea.

To me religion is very personal. I don't want religion taught in schools, because I want to teach my kids the way I believe not the way someone else believes. I don't understand people who have a problem with creationism NOT being taught in school. Are their beliefs so weak that they can't teach their own children about it themselves? Or go to a church that will teach it in Sunday School? Why don't they put their children in a religious school? I've heard it's expensive, I wonder if they have ever questioned why that is?

Also, I don't think that evolution and creationism are mutually exclusive. See, the God I know created us in His image. (I'm using the male pronouns because we don't have any that express the great wonder that is God without assigning gender.) However, God did not create our body, he created our soul. Our body was created through evolution. I also know that God does not make mistakes, so there must be a reason that there are and always have been homosexual people in the world. I don't think that the Bible is the literal word of God, it is a book with some wonderful stories to help guide us through life. It was written by men, perhaps inspired by God, to help others understand God. It was written by MEN, who are not perfect. To help others to understand God, who is so beyond our understanding that we will never understand even 1/100,000,000 of what God is.

The God I know loves ALL of his children, much like any other parent loves their children. He does not hate any of us. How could a loving parent hate one of their children? Do we disappoint him? Probably. Do we get another chance? Definitely. Will we be punished for eternity if we don't follow all the rules? No. I also believe that we have other lives in which to learn, and to take our punishment for misdeeds. The God I know isn't afraid of the free will he gave us, God isn't insulted if we don't know the correct name to use when we pray. God knows your heart, and if you are a good person God knows that and is happy about it. God is everywhere, and knows everything, but God does not interfere with our lives. God doesn't heal some people while letting others die. God doesn't save one family while killing another. It all happens for a reason, a reason we might never understand, a reason we had input into and a choice to be there or not.

Politically, I am kind of liberal. I want women's health to be their choice. I want legally consenting adults to be able to marry the person they love. I think that multi-partner marriage should be legal as well. Maybe the government should stay out of marriage all together? Maybe there should be a legal connection that gives us the "rights and responsibilities", the benefits of what is now marriage, while leaving the ceremonial, the religious, the ... emotional aspects to the individuals to deal with. Churches should not have to preform marriages they don't approve of, but they should not be able to stop people from making that legal connection, or from finding another church that will preform their marriage ceremony.

Okay, well that is enough of that. At least for now. If you are still reading, feel free to comment about anything I've said. Try not to condemn me to hell or spew a lot of hate toward me. But I welcome clear, polite, debate. Thank you.

It's been a very long time since I blogged. Life had been keeping me busy, but it wasn't really very interesting.

News since I last posted something:
I am virtually schooling The Boy and The Girl. I don't remember if I had her when I last posted. She is the little girl I babysit. Her Mom is on the same schedule as my husband, so it works well for all of us. Anyway, the kids get to have school here at my apartment on a schedule that fits with Howard and The Girl's Mom's schedule. The kids actually get to spend time with their working parent, which is good for everyone.

My Mom just had her 70th birthday last month. We spent a week with her and my Dad just because. I took Sylvie and Aidan with me, of course.

We are thinking about buying a house, we have started the process to see if we can qualify for a loan. Howard's credit is okay, so we are hoping it will work out. We have an idea of what we can afford. All we have to do is qualify based on income and credit rating.

I'd like to remember to post more often. I have a lot of things I'd like to say. Things I'd like to discuss and work out through this forum. No promises though.

New school year.

So, we decided to go the online school route for The Boy. I am also doing it with The Girl as well. We decided on this way to go because The Boy wasn't  progressing academically like we wanted him to, like the believe he should have been able to. He ended second grade about 3 or 4 months behind the average second grader. He ended third grade closer to a year behind. He also got glasses which I've noticed have helped him read better. I don't think his teacher had the time or maybe she didn't have the planning skills to help him with his learning. I don't know for sure, but when I talked to her she appeared to think he was a trouble maker, a rule breaker, and that he was of lower ability in academics. I realise that he has problems with authority and with rules he feels are unfair. We decided to go this way because he has a teacher that we can talk to if we need to, they send us all the books and materials for all of their classes. Everything from art supplies to text books. We did have to get some normal school supplies, like pencils and crayons.

So anyway, we enrolled The Boy and The Girl in Connections Academy. He is going to redo third grade and she is starting Kindergarten. The first week started September 4th. The first week was interesting, busy, and a learning experience for all of us. Both grades need a lot of input from the "learning coach" (me). Luckily The Girl likes to get things done quickly, with only small breaks. While The Boy prefers to spread things out more over the day. He likes to have longer breaks between his classes, sometimes if the classes are shorter or quicker he will do two or even three before he wants a long break. So this works out well for all of us. They each like to listen to what the other is doing, I think The Girl will be picking up more of The Boy's stuff than he will pick up from hers.

The boy has a lot of writing to do, which is a source of frustration for him. He really hates writing. I'm going to start him on cursive writing, because I've heard that for some kids with similar problems with hand control as he has cursive is easier and more importantly faster than print. So we will see how that works. We have a handwriting book that includes cursive, it came with the books from his school. So, we will see. He is doing pretty well with the reading part of language arts. So far math has been pretty easy. He is understanding the social studies, science and art. Only math and art don't have much writing so he's not getting frustrated with those classes. Everything else has writing to do so it's more frustrating. I've let him dictate some things to me, he seems to do well and to understand more when I'm doing the writing. We will see how the cursive writing will do as he learns more of it.

I think this will be a good segue to traditional home schooling. I would really like to do that. We would be doing a unit studies kind of schooling. We could study spiders because The Girl is interested in spiders. We could study the Norse gods and epic stories, because we watched "The Avengers" and they were curious about the story between Loki and Thor. We could eat at a Mexican restaurant and then learn about the culture of Mexico. Or many other things that interest us. I have "What your child needs to know in Third Grade" and "What your child needs to know in Kindergarten" I can get books for each grade from here on so that we can make sure we hit all the things they will need, mainly in math and history. Just in case they decide to go back to public school later.

The reason The Girl's Mom choose to go this was, is because we can do school whenever we want to. Since she works evenings, dropping The Girl off here at 1PM and picking her up at 12 AM, we can tailor our school timing so they can have some time together before The Girl needs to go to bed. If The Girl went to public school, she would have to go to sleep here before her Mom got home, and they would have to figure out how to get her to school in the morning. I think this is giving them the best of both worlds.

Concerns about The Boy.

Our vacation was wonderful, full of family and canning. I will be posting pictures soon. I know that The Boy had a good time, however he started to have more of the uncontrolled head shaking, sometimes his hands and shoulders were shaking as well. He didn't seem to notice and when I brought it to his attention he said that it was just happening on it's own. I don't know if it was stress, because of being somewhere out of his normal setting, all the people around when he's not really used to it, or just something that happened. I'm worried about it though, it could mean something else is wrong. I'll have to watch and make sure I tell his Doctor when we see her next.

He is also complaining about not being able to see to read unless he is up close to the book or the computer screen. So, we will have to go get his eyes checked soon as well. I'm about due for a new pair of glasses myself so maybe we can go together.

He is still a bit on the innocent side compared to other kids his age. Not so much a problem for the most part, but it could lead him into trouble.

Making blueberry jam.

Last year I tried to make blueberry jam without pectin, well actually I mean without added pectin since they already have pectin in them. Anyway, it didn't set and I was disappointed by it. So this year I decided to give it a try with store bought pectin. My downstairs neighbor gave me a nice size bucket of blueberries after I sent down some green beans from our green bean harvest.

First I had to smash or squash or smoosh or crush the berries.

Then I put the jars in the canner to heat up while I cooked the jam.

It took a lot longer to reach the proper temp for the jam to set than I expected. I tried dipping a spoon in and watching the jam drip off to see if it was "sheeting". I don't even know what that really means LOL. And then I tried putting a little on a cold plate to see if it would thicken up enough in a minute or so.

One it finally got there I ladled it into jars and got them ready for the canner.

I put them in the canner for 5 minutes as the directions said. By this time the water in the water bath canner had been boiling for a couple of hours and I discovered that the steam was condensing on the ceiling when a big fat drop landed on my head. EEWW! It was a little gross, because there was a little build up of grease up there. But on the positive side my ceiling is clean now!

I then took the jars of beautiful blueberry jam out of the water bathe canner and set them on the counter to cool. It was so satisfying to hear the ping of the jar lids sealing.

Here are the finished jars all ready to go on the shelf.

It tastes wonderful too!

Canning season starts.

Well, canning season has started. I've been able to can a few things so far this year. In June I started with strawberries that my niece picked. We, my neice and I, made strawberry lemon jam and just plain strawberry jam. They both turned out great.

 Strawberies ready to make jam.

 Strawberry jam.

Strawberry-lemon jam.

Then I picked cherries with Jennifer, and made cherry jam and cherry preserves, then made a pie and put the last of the cherries in the freezer. The jam didn't set up at all, it was a no pectin added recipe. I'm not sure how the preserves are supposed to be, but they didn't do what I thought they would either, the pie was good and I'll probably be able to make another pie with the frozed cherries I have.

 No pectin added cherry jam.

 Cherries.

 Cherry preserves.

 Cherry preserves a different view.

Cherry pie, it was a little sweet but I liked it anyway.

July 23rd Jennifer and I took our kids to a harvest for green beans. It was fun and we picked quite a bit, about 5 1/2 5 gallon buckets. I brought home almost 2 buckets full. I made some pickled, Dilly Beans, green beans with nearly half of them, I'm going to blanch and freeze the other half.

Dilly Beans.

I'm looking forward to canning more fruit and maybe even more vegetables if I can get a pressure canner.

Cherries.

Today my friend Jennifer and I went out to pick cherries. It was with Salem Harvest, which sponsors harvests to harvest fruit and vegetables from professional farmers as well as private people who have fruit trees, vines or bushes that produce more than they can use. We harvested cherries from an orchard that had been professionally picked before, what we harvested was what was still green at that time. We donate at least half of what we pick to the local Food Share and get to keep the other half for free. This was my first harvest, I can't wait for the next one.

I am tired, but part of that is I went to bed late, around 2:30 this morning, and got up early, around 7:30. And part of it is that I'm not in very good shape.

Now I have a 5 gallon bucket nearly full of cherries. I'm planning on making jam and preserves. I don't think I'll have enough to put some up in light syrup this time, but there might be another cherry harvest soon. I'm looking forward to picking pretty much anything else. Blueberries, peaches, apples, pears, maybe even some vegetables.

About Cars 2: The Video Game

As most of you know I'm a Bzz Agent, which means that sometimes I get products to try or I get to see some content about something before it's available in the store. I'm then supposed to tell people about what I've seen or tried, the good and the bad. I sometimes have coupons to give for those items as well.

<img src="http://img.bzzagent.com/image/cars2.jpg?Type=activity&Activity=2965383858&Campaign=7051320655&Uid=277783&token=cc850de48532fbde4f89436ceef03ca5" alt=""/>

Anyway, today I'm Bzzing about Cars2: The Video Game. From what I've seen so far it looks like it will be a fun game for families to play together. You will be able to join C.H.R.O.M.E. and play spy's and have combat races! I like racing games so I'm particularly interested in this game, I think that The Boy and Messed Up Daddy will enjoy playing it with me. We like the characters from Cars so that should help make it fun too. You can go to their facebook page to check out some of the content. The game will be available June 21st, so we don't have too long to wait. You all know how much I hate to wait for things. LOL So go check it out and let me know what you think. Does it look like something you would like? Why or why not?

Work out issues.

I have to admit that I've fallen off the work out wagon, so to speak. I got discouraged when, after working so hard for months, all I was able to loose was 15 or so pounds, but I continued because I thought I was building muscle mass, which weighs more per inch than fat does. Then I was over whelmed when I gained it all back plus 5 more pounds, all while working out 4 or 5 days a week. I don't think that I started to eat more, or eat bad stuff while I was working out, but it's possible. So I gave up on working out all together. I tried to walk 15 minutes a day, but the weather got in the way, and I wasn't really feeling into it anyway. Now I'm feeling like a failure, and I don't know what I'm going to do about it.

I NEED to loose the weight. It's a health issue. So far I haven't had any really problem because of my weight, but it's only a matter of time. The Boy is still very young, I need to be healthy for him. I need to live long enough to see him grown and on his own. I worry about him because of his special needs and his other problems, he still needs me. I just don't know what to do.

I've been thinking.

I've been thinking about my weight problems. I am easily distracted from working out or any other kind of exorcise, that's one problem. I like doing it when I do, but ... it's easy to find something else I "should" do instead.

My biggest problem however, is my relationship with food. I really like food, the taste, the texture, the action of eating. This makes it easy for me to over eat, it's the "just one more bite" syndrome. I also get obsessed with some foods, it's more than a craving, it's much harder to ignore one when it hits. It's not just one food either and I never know which food it will be or when it will happen. I'll eat a whole chocolate cake because I can't stop myself, or recently it was Honey Barbecue Chicken Bites. I got them by accident a couple of weeks ago and ended up eating the first bag in one day. We had some the other night, The Boy didn't eat all of his, I sat here thinking of his leftover bites trying not to go get them. But I couldn't stop thinking of them, just sitting there in the fridge waiting for someone to come and eat them. Finally I couldn't stand it any more and went in there and took them out, warmed them up and ate them. Even though I wasn't hungry, in fact I was still full from my own dinner. I have to get control over this, I have to stop eating when I'm not hungry, and I have to stop spending so much time thinking about food.

A double knit hat.

I decided to try a double knit hat. I wanted it to be reversible. Or as The Boy said "completely reversible" LOL. I've made one other double knit project before, a pot holder. It was fun, and I wanted to try it again. I already had two shades of blue so all I had to do was find a pattern for the colors I would stay interested in doing but wouldn't be too hard to do. I found an snowflake pattern that was just right. Figuring out how to do ribbing in double knit was interesting and took a few tries, but  got it done. Then I had to figure out how to work it in the round with double point needles. I had some problem with laddering between the needles especially on the "back" or inside because I couldn't see that part as clearly as I could the "front" or outside. But I think it turned out pretty well. Here's some pictures.

You can see the laddering a little bit here.



The ribbing is a bit loose, but it works for The Boy.



Finally finished the left glove. Picture post.

Now I'll wash them and get them ready to give as a gift for Christmas.



The finished right glove. (pictures)

Gloves.

I've decided to try to knit gloves. I've made mittens, but wanted to make gloves. I made a green right glove, it looks pretty good, but is a bit big around my hand. I'm making a purple on right now and if it keeps on as good as it is so far I'll make the left one to go with it. Then I'll make another pair in the green for myself. I'll work out how to make the pattern smaller because The Boy wants a pair as well. If they work up as fast as I think they will I'll even make some with out finget tips for Messed Up Daddy. I'm not using wool, that's a little expensive for me right now. But I got some nice soft yarn from Dollar Tree several months ago, I have quite a bit of it and it works well for the gloves, as far as the sizing and thickness goes. I think they will be warm too.

So here are some pictures I took today of the purple glove in progress.



One skien of yarn is for the hand part and the other is the fingers.




The hand just before the fingers are added and the thumb  with just a row or so until it's done.





The way it looks on, I had to hold the camera upside down and use my left hand to take this. LOL



Tooth problems, again.

The Boy has a large cavity in his first permanent molar. It was giving him a lot of pain last week. We finally got a dentist's appointment with Messed Up Daddy's dentist. They looked at him and couldn't even get an x-ray. They referred us to a dentist next door, who supposedly worked with more children than the first office did. So we made an appointment with them, for 4 days later. We took him in, they did get x-rays but wouldn't do anything because they decided he was "special needs" because of the Cerebral Palsy. I thought they needed to know about it because it involves his mouth, how his tongue works, and the drooling as well as the way he feels the tooth brush and the taste/feel of toothpaste. So even though he is pretty normal otherwise they decided not to do anything, disregarding his pain. Luckily his tooth stopped hurting soon after that.

Now I have to find a Pediatric Dentist who will take him. There aren't any in town who are on our preferred provider list for insurance. I am going to call the insurance question line and see if they will pay as if they are a PPO because it's kind of an emergency. Anyway it will be expensive.

Right now he is doing fine. No pain and even remembers to brush his teeth after breakfast and dinner without much argument. Even when he does argue a little a reminder of how bad his tooth hurt gets him moving. Keep your fingers crossed that we will find something and that the insurance company will pull through for us.