About feeling upset, no car, and the New Year.

Well, today was really something. I'm still feeling sick with this head cold, but needed to go out to pay a bill. We went downtown just fine, Aidan was very good. Then we took a bus out South Commercial to the Wal-Mart where I got a little umbrella stroller. Aidan wanted to ride in it right away, so we went to Rent-A-Center to make the computer payment, it's only about a block and a half from Wal-Mart. All went well there too. The trouble didn't start until I wanted to get on a bus back downtown. Aidan didn't want to get out of the stroller. So we walked, and walked, and walked. Okay, I walked and he rode in the stroller. I think it was about 14 blocks later when Aidan was getting too cold and tired of the stroller. By then we were no longer on a bus route. It was starting to get dark, and only got colder and colder. I walked the next 8 or 9 blocks with Aidan screaming and trying to get out of the stroller. Luckily for both of us he was too tired and angry to think of undoing the little safety belt thing. About 3 blocks from home Aidan suddenly got quiet, so we stopped at a little store and got something to drink and a treat for both of us to share. He's been wonderful ever since. I feel even worse, my right ear hurts, and the scratchy throat is just barely controlled with cough drops at regular intervals.

I talked to Howard on the way home, he sort of tried to convince me he felt bad for me. I was willing to go along with it until he said "Now you know what I go through every day." Huh? He may walk most of the way to work most days, but he doesn't have a preschooler with him. He doesn't have to worry if the little one is getting too cold, if that cough is because of the weather or because he is getting sick, he doesn't have to listen to a young boy scream and wonder if someone will call the police thinking I'm stealing him or hurting him some how, and even if he did he wouldn't have as much to worry about since he is the biological father, and I'm only the step-Mom. I know it's really hard for him, I know he gets cold and tired and it seems like forever just to go couple yards. I wish I could do something to make it easier for him, but it's not the same. I'm not saying it was worse for me, because I didn't have to go all that far.

I don't really want a car right now. It's strange, I've always had a car or something available to get around. I thought I'd feel lost but I really only miss it when I want to get a major grocery shopping done, or wanted to get a large toy for Aidan that couldn't be easily carried on a bus. I have to work on feeling comfortable asking for a ride or saving up money for a taxi or something. I don't miss paying for gas, insurance and the usual up keep. I also need to walk, it will help with the weight loss and I need to get in better shape. (I just don't want to walk as much as I did today, in the cold with Aidan.)

Well, enough feeling sorry for myself. I probably won't post until after New Years Day, so I want to wish you a Happy New Year. I hope you have a good time what ever you do. I'll be home alone, well as alone as I can be with Aidan in the apartment, watching whatever I can find interesting on the tube. No big party for me, but you know what? I'm perfectly happy with that. Peace and love.

Holidays

Happy Solstice! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!

To tell you the truth I'm feeling rather disappointed about the Holidays this year. I won't be getting the big family Christmas at Mom's like I'd dreamt about while in California. Howard has to work on Christmas Eve, so we will be home, just the three of us. Well it might be 4 if David doesn't go to his friends house for Christmas. We will have a nice dinner because Howard will have Christmas day off. We will open presents in the morning and watch Aidan play.

For some reason I'm feeling kind of depressed. That is odd for me because I never get depressed, a little down or blue perhaps, but this is more than that. I'm also overly emotional about everything. Maybe it's just the fact that so many things seem to be either going badly or not happening at all.

1) Howard has to walk, hitch-hike and or catch a ride with people he works with, just to get to work.

2) Aidan has started this screaming thing. He screams for no reason at all, or because he didn't get what he wanted, or because I asked him to do something, or because I want him to ask please. He will scream even when he knows he will get in trouble for it.

3) David hasn't found work yet, which means that we have to cover all the rent and most of the bills. He thinks he can get the electric and gas bills taken care of.

4) I'm getting more headaches than I used to. Some of them are migraines, some of them are stress headaches, and some are sinus related.

5) I REALLY wanted this Christmas to be special for Aidan. It's the first one where he will actually understand what is happening. But without a car we didn't get a tree. Mom thought she could get us one, a fake one, for free, but that doesn't look good, and she isn't going to be here until Saturday anyway. No decorations, things cost more than I expected so I couldn't get what I wanted for Aidan, besides I couldn't have gotten it home on the bus.

But I am home at least. I'm back in Oregon where I feel connected. I do get to see my family, and I get to see my friends. Maybe after all this Holiday stuff, and the Aidan's birthday, maybe then I'll feel better.

Someplace to waste some time.

This is a fun way to make snowflakes, without all the paper scraps or the stiff fingers from using the scissors. Snowflakes I hope you enjoy playing around and wasting time as much as I did. LOL

First snow of the year.

I forgot to post these pictures earlier. It snowed here a week or so ago. It didn't last more than a day, but it was pretty and we had a good time.


This was Aidan's first snow ever. He was instantly in love with it. He loved watching it, making snowballs, even the tiny little snowmen I made.



Aidan and Howard went walking in the field behind the apartments. It was still snowing, Aidan was amazed with the falling snowflakes. They got ahead of me so I took this picture of them.

Bits and pieces

Do you know anyone who seems to have very little expression in their voice? Today I was talking to someone like that. I couldn't tell if they were upset that I called, or just didn't have much expression when they talked. I'm hoping that they just don't express themselves very well over the phone.

Aidan got a holiday gift a little early. We were looking for a rug at the Goodwill by the pound store, and he found one of those Fisher Price race car beds. It was only $20! It has all the parts and a Baby Sealy mattress. The only problem is that it's a Toddler bed rather than a Twin, but he is SO in love with it that it's worth it.

I'll be doing the rest of my shopping after the 15th. After we pay the phone bill and the computer payment, the rest of Howard's pay check will be available for gifts. I'm not sure what Aidan will get for DJ. Cars, trucks, planes? Little People things to go with what he got for his birthday? I'm thinking about getting only a few pictures taken at Picture People (They cost a lot, but we get them the same day), and give my parents a frame with them in there, of course some for me too. Mom came out and asked for pictures if we can get them, so I guess that will be best. I want to get something of Snowanna and Craig too, but I'm not sure what. I don't want to get baby stuff, because I think a lot of people will be doing that, maybe they would like some pictures too? Hmmm maybe not ... Gift certificate? I'll think of something. I accept suggestions, if you have any. :)

I think I'm finally getting over this head cold, today I'm not coughing as much and my throat doesn't hurt. It will be great to feel normal again.

A few random thoughts.

I recently noticed that unless people see me throwing up or hear me throwing up they don't seem to understand that I'm sick. I have a horrible head cold, stuffy head, pressure head ache, soar throat,cough, slight fever and general tiredness. I've told Howard that I'm sick, but he still expects me to go out and do the laundry. (It's downstairs and across the parking lot.) I understand that he needs socks, I understand that Aidan needs clean cloths. I need quarters, and the nearest store is a couple of blocks away. Normally that wouldn't be a problem, but the cold weather just makes me cough more. Coughing agravates my head ache and soar throat.

I finally have something to show myself that I'm actually looseing weight. Several months ago my Mom gave me a pair of jeans, when I tried them on I could almost button them but not quiet and zipping them was out of the question. Even laying on the bed didn't help. Last week I tried them on again, I finally could button them! Still couldn't quiet get the zipper up though. Yesterday I tried them on again, and I can zip them! I can't eat, or breath very deeply in them, but I can actually wear them! They are 4 sizes smaller than the other jeans I have, luckly I have another pair that are only 1 size bigger than the "skinny" ones, so I'm able to wear jeans that I can breath in but won't fall off if given the right encouragement. LOL

I'm not sure how to address this next issue. Maybe it deserves an entry of it's own, but I'm not sure I want to write about it at all. It's been bugging me for a long time, so I think I'd better get it out so that maybe I can let it go. Here goes: It seems to me that my kids are never given the benefit of the doubt by the rest of the family. Excuses are made for everyone else, but none are ever accepted when it's my kids. For example; Years ago my Neice, about 6 at the time, said that Allen,about 11, held her down in a car and laid on top of her. They both had their cloths on, he didn't touch her except to lay on her, but it was suggested that he had somehow molested her. There was never a question of whether or not she had misunderstood what he said, or why he was doing what he did. It later turned out to be him trying to protect her from some neighborhood bullies. When my brother Mark took Allen to the movies one time, at a drive in, Allen told my Mom that Mark opened his pants and asked him to touch him there. Right away Mom thought that Allen must have been mistaken, he didn't hear Mark right, or he was dreaming. Another example of my kids getting the short end of things happened over Thanksgiving. We had a big dinner at Snowanna's. Almost all of my family were there. (Howard, Christopher, Allen and Xander were not there) DJ was playing on this little foam kiddy couch, Aidan wanted to play too. DJ was told to tell Aidan to get away if he didn't want to play with him. He told Aidan to get away, and Aidan did. Then Aidan climbed up into a chair, DJ must have decided not to let Aidan sit there either because he bit Aidan really hard on his lower back. My Mom said something like "Well, he should leave DJ alone when asked." Jessica was quick to jump to Aidan's defence and said "He did, he got up when DJ told him to and was trying to get in the chair when DJ bit him." My Mom agreed that that was what happened, but didn't say anything to DJ about biting, she didn't comfort Aidan, or in anyway acted as if DJ had done anything wrong. Snowanna was busy, as was Craig, so DJ got away with biting Aidan. Am I being too sensitive? Am I holding on to old resentments that should be forgotten? Any suggestions on how I should handle this kind of thing if it happens in the future?

Happy Birthday Grandson!

My wonderful Grandson has a birthday today. If I remember right he is 8 now. I can't believe that he is already 8, I mean it feels like only a year or two ago he was born. That may be because he lives on the East Coast while I live on the West Coast, I didn't get to see him much over the years, so maybe that's why. Or it could be just the fact that time seems to pass so much faster these days than they used to. Whatever the reason, I want to wish him the best of everything. I wish I could be there to give him a hug and let him know how much he means to me. I'm sure that if his Mom is reading this she will let him know, or let him read it for himself.

Dear Grandson,

Happy Birthday! I hope that your birthday is a good one. I miss you and love you very much. I wish I could be there with you for your birthday, but I just can't make it. Maybe one day I'll be able to come out there, will you show me around? Give your Mom a hug for me okay?

Love,
Grandma.

Feeling yucky

I've been feeling rather ill lately. Stuffy head, soar throat, cough and a slight fever. Yuck! I think I'm getting past the worst of it, because my throat feels just a little ... itchy I guess is the best description. So maybe I'll be better soon.

Being sick has delayed getting some things done. When talking sends you into a coughing fit you don't make many phone calls. I have to call about Aidan getting into pre-school. If I take too much longer I'll have to wait until January to do it. I'd like to have it taken care of as soon as possible. We will see.

Change of plans

Well, we still haven't heard from the people out in West Salem, so we are going to forget about that place and move in with a friend. We will only have to pay about $225 for 1 bedroom, and the whole place is bigger anyway. The only problem is that it's upstairs, but that's going to be okay. We will be sharing the place with Snowanna's ex-boyfriend David. We all get along well, he needs some help in order to stay on his feet, it works out to be a lot less in rent and other costs, and maybe when we need more space (or he wants to be on his own) we will be able to keep the apartment ourselves. It's in South Salem, but not nearly as far South as Snowanna is now. Fairly nice neighborhood, friendly neighbors and did I mention will only cost $225 or so! We will be moving in either tonight or tomorrow. It's kind of funny that he called Snowanna and they talked about this today, because I was thinking the same thing when we drove by there a couple of hours ago. I wasn't feeling very positive about the West Salem place, and was wondering if David would like some room mates. Strange, hmm?

So now I'll be able to get Aidan into a pre-school and daycare, I'll start looking for temp. work, and I can stop stressing over finding a place to live. Plus I get to save about $300 over what I'd pay for a 2 bedroom almost anywhere in Salem. The place we are moving into is $450 which is a little low for the area, but I like it.

Keep your fingers crossed.

I think we found a place, it's only one bedroom but will only cost $385 a month, saving us $200 a month. We will be able to stay there for a couple of years anyway. Then Aidan will need his own space. But until then we will be able to get some things we need, and some of the things we want. Christmas/Solstice will be nice, we will be able to decorate and get a few gifts for family. Still nothing big, because we will be paying off the computer and other bills. I hope that by Aidan's birthday we will be doing well enough to have a good birthday for him. This year he will understand it better than he did last year. The place isn't in a "good" area of West Salem, we are hoping that we will be able to move in a couple of years to a better neighborhood. We already know several of the people who live in the complex. Carol and her husband Thomas live there, and the man who will be the upstairs neighbor already introduced himself and is very friendly. Howard knows 3 or 4 others who live there. There are 12 apartments in the complex, so it's pretty small. I'll post pictures after we move in and get some furniture.

I'm still alive and well.

This will be just a short entry, to let any of you who still check in here know that I'm still around. We are still looking for a place to live. The double wide on 5 acres fell through, and so far we haven't been able to get an apartment. It looks like I will have a car tomorrow, or at least be well on the way to having it. It belongs to Snowanna's boyfriend, and we can have it for the price of the title transfer, tags, and an oil change. :) Anyway, I am hoping that we will have an apartment soon, I'm starting to look seriously at the "Bad" parts of town.

Take care.

Influencial relationships I've had.

Last night, while I couldn't sleep, I was thinking about the various relationships I've had, and how they influenced me. Some made huge impacts on my life and who I am now, while others made smaller/softer impacts.

My first "real" boyfriend was Carlos Rosencrans Jr., he was a Junior at Gadsden High School the year I was a Freshman. He was sweet and made me feel special. My family moved hundreds of miles away during the Winter break that year, and I never saw him again. He probably never thinks of me, if he remembers me at all. But he was important to me.

The first boyfriend to "cheat" on me was Bill Brant. We saw each other for about a year, I wasn't allowed to date yet though so we didn't really get to do much. I had a girl friend, who had just transferred to our school, I can't remember how I knew her before that but I did. Anyway, one day she and I were talking and she started to tell me about her new boyfriend, and mentioned that his name was Bill. We quickly figured out that he was "going" with both of us at the same time. So we gave him a choice, "Her or me." He chose her. No big deal really, he didn't have much ambition or direction in his life, we were headed toward a break up anyway. A few days later, she gave him a box of chocolate chip cookies and broke up with him. He called me and asked if I'd take him back! I didn't, and he discovered that the cookies had ex-lax chocolate in them. From him I learn caution when giving my heart.

There were boys in High School that I liked, some that I had crushes on, and a few that thought I loved. But until I met Don Weber, through the CB radio, I hadn't really dated much. Eventually we started to have sex, the first time in the back seat of a car on a double date! (It was rather ... non-exciting, almost boring) Don and I were married in December 1977, I had just turned 18 that October, and he was just short of 21. The marriage was rocky, and full of emotional and occasionally sexual abuse. But I got my 2 oldest sons out of the deal, and for that I'm grateful. From him I learned that I can take care of myself and be just fine without a man, if I choose to.

Dannan Tavona-Riley was one of my best friends, and helped me through my divorce from Don and eventually we became lovers. We were married about 4 months after my divorce became final. We had some really wonderful times, but he eventually decided that he couldn't handle the tough situations that came up with my kids any more and after 11 years he decided to leave me. From him I learned that "I" have worth, outside of my children. That I'm intelligent, and that even a good thing can end.

This may sound a little slutty to some of you, but I had another relationship while Dannan and I were married. We had an open relationship, we believe in polyamory (loving more than one person at a time) and it had nothing to do with the end of our relationship. Anyway, Jeff Gill was the love that I never really had. I know that I loved him a lot more than he loved me, if he ever really loved me at all. It wasn't just sex either, we spent a lot of time together going to SCA events, people there thought we were married to each other! I enjoyed talking to him, and just being in his company. But eventually he found a woman he wanted to marry. She told me that I was the only woman she worried could mess up their marriage. Things happened, and he decided that his relationship with her was more important. I haven't seen or heard from him in about 4 years, I hope he is happy. From him I learned that love can not conquer all.

Howard McMillen and I have been together since May 1998, when we met and it was lust at first sight. Things grew from there as we spent more and more time together, eventually he officially moved into my apartment with me, and on May 1, 2000 we were married. If you have read my blog for a while you already know some of the how and why of our relationship. So far so good.

Belated birthdays

My brother, Mark, my son, Allen, both just had birthdays. Allen turned 24 on the 4th, and Mark turned 38 on the 7th. Both of them are pretty special people too me. I posted a message on Allen's Myspace account wishing him a Happy Birthday. Mark and his wife, Eileen, came up here for the week-end this week. I hope that both of them know that I love them, and that I think they are wonderful.

New Template

So what do you think of my new layout? Any suggestions? Do you love it or hate it? Just don't care? LOL

I'm trying out the newest version of Blogger. So far it is easier to use than the older version, I think it will be better especially for people new to this kind of stuff.

Not much is happening here. Trying to get things taken care of so that I can move down to Grand Ronde as soon as possible. We still don't know about that mobile home, I guess it will be this week-end or something like that before Howard can see it. I really really hope that it's a nice place, and that we can move into it over the week-end. I know that it might be a few days more than that before we can move, I have to get the travel permit for the truck and such, plus gas. So I'll need something like $100 to get it all taken care of, but then ... there will be nothing stopping me.

So far none of the jobs I've applied for have come through. I'm sort of glad though, because I'd rather look closer to where we are going to live than Salem, if there is anything that is. Besides I'd have to move right now in order to be there for the first day of school. I think school starts on September 5th this year. So this gives me some time to relax.

Hood River again

Well, I'm back in Hood River for a little while. I didn't find an apartment yet, but Howard has a good lead on a double wide mobile home for $550 a month, it's on 5 acres and we might be able to buy a car from the guy. I'm not 100% sure that this is all for real, Howard hasn't seen the place or the car, the guy gave him a ride part of the way back to Salem last night. But if it is for real it would be wonderful, because it's supposed to be within walking distance for Howard to go to work.

I'm a bit upset with Howard right now anyway, he's mad because I had to bring Dad's car back and so I can't take him to work any more. Which means that he either has to find a car pool, or walk on the days that Snowanna can't take him. So, according to him, I'm not doing everything I can to get the car for a while longer. But it's the only car that is reliable around here, Mom's car will just decide not to start for no reason, and his little truck is getting old. They don't want this car to get worn out driving all that way all the time. I can't blame them, but I wish things were different. I know that I'm not the one walking 46 miles one way everyday, but there isn't much I can do right now.

Anyway, I don't know how long I'll be here. I need gas money to get down there with the truck, and if this house thing is real and comes through next week-end we will be moving anyway so ... I just don't know. Oh well, eventually everything will work out, it's just hard waiting for it.

Spirit Mountain.

Some of you already know that Howard found a job out at Spirit Mountain Casino. That's about 3 hours from here. So starting Tuesday he will be in training and I will be driving him to and picking him up from there. We plan to stay with Snowanna this week. I'm hoping that I'll find us a place to live that will be closer than Snowanna's place. I'll be looking all week. I'll also be applying for jobs that I can do. There are 4 with the Salem/Keizer school district that I'm going to apply for. So I'm thinking that Dalles would be best, it's a little closer to Salem than to Grand Ronde, 11 to Salem and 15 to Grand Ronde, but I think that will be fine. Once we have a place my next task is going to be looking for a car, something cheap, small and good on gas would be great. I would have liked to have found jobs in a place where I didn't have to have a car. Mass transit is a wonderful thing. But our situation isn't going to work without a car. I do have the truck, but ... it's a truck and doesn't do well on saving gas. Besides there is going to be a lot of problem getting it registered and licensed here in Oregon, since we don't have the title. I didn't know that it would involve so much paper work and money to get a lost title. Oh well, I'll have to do some thing about that before we can sell it.

Aidan was seen by another EI specialist, she says that he is behind in a few areas, but ahead in a few others. If I'm back in Hood River next week, August 31 in fact, they both want to see him. And we will talk about what he needs. I'll then have the paper work for who ever handles that where ever we end up.

Changes.

I was chatting with some people the other night and the subject of loosing contact with old friends came up. For some people it seems they can't keep in touch if they aren't able to see the person fairly often, for others it's distance that seems to come between them and their old friends. But I think the saddest of all reasons for loosing contact with friends is because they changed when they found a new relationship (Boyfriend/girlfriend). For instance one of us had a friend we had known since high school, nearly 20 years. This friend embraced different cultures, enjoyed learning languages, talked of travel to some Spanish speaking countries in order to use her Spanish language skills, and never spoke a racist word. That is until she fell in love with a racist man. He wasn't very vocal about his racism at first, but slowly things came out. Some times what he had to say sounded okay, until you actually thought about them. So this friend slowly developed into a racist. Getting up set about things that once brought her joy, such as Cinco De Mayo celebrations, and black history month. Maybe it was a good thing when she and her racist husband moved over one thousand miles away, and communication stopped between her and her old friend, because there were no arguments or angry feelings. Just sadness.

That's was the extreme among the people I was talking to, but there were stories of people who gave up things they once enjoyed, and then stated that they had never liked them. Or people who started to watch sports when before their relationship they avoided watching them. I think the strangest part about that is that they all seem to think that they always liked or disliked what ever it was, or they always believed such and such when in fact they didn't before getting involved with their newest boyfriend/girlfriend.

Maybe we all make little changes to our attitude, our outlook on life, and our likes and dislikes in order to suit our new love. I hope that those changes aren't enough to cause friends to give up on me/ you/ us.

On the topic of relationships, what do you think of someone who encourages their lover to behave in a certain fashion but then turns their back on them because it no longer fulfills their needs? How much time should you give someone to ... become more responsible with money for instance, before you decide they aren't going to change enough for you to work it out? And how much responsibility should you take yourself if you used to encourage spending money rather than saving it, for long enough that it became habit in your lover? Are we even responsible for the changes we encouraged in our lovers?

As you can see, I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've tried to look at my past relationships and see if I changed for them, or if they changed for me or both. It's not easy to see those changes from the inside. I know that I can't say what, if anything, I changed about myself in my relationships, but I can see some changes in some of my friends and family brought on by their relationships.

My new business.

I've discovered this new web based business. I think it could be a wonderful opportunity, if people will actually buy the product. It's "Stuff a Friend", which is similar to "Build a Bear" except that you don't have to go to the store. You order the friend of your choice, clothing and other cool stuff if you want, and it's shipped to your house. Where you can stuff it and make it your own. You can get pre-recorded sound boxes to put in them, or a record your own message. I think it would be fun to have a "Stuff a Friend" party. Anyway, if you want to check it out here is my Web site:

http://www.stuffafriend.biz/members/Becca%20Riley/

Job search stuff.

Well, things are getting busy around here. Howard and I have to go to job search related classes every morning from 9 to 12. No big deal, really, a bit of a waste of time for us actually, but not too terrible. We have to put in 15 Applications a week, and make copies of each of them to verify that we actually did them. They are going to love the 4 applications from Salem/Keizer Schools, they are 6 pages long. LOL I'm going to give them all 24 pages next week, just for giggles. I'm going to look at jobs here in Hood River too, there aren't many, but it won't hurt to try. I'll look and see if the School system here has a web site, maybe they will have openings similar to those in Salem. I applied at a "Postal Annex", one of those mail-store-print centers. It's only part time, but might be fun. It wouldn't use my education or my other skills, but I'd get to talk to people.

Aidan loves his Daycare. He was mad for 20 minutes because we brought him home. Oh well, I'm sure he will get over it sooner or later. I got in contact with EI (Early Intervention) about his speech issues. We will probably not hear from them until the end of August because they are sort of on Holiday right now. I'm also thinking of doing Daycare myself. I don't know though. I'd like to be with Aidan until he goes to school. But I'd also like to have a job ... Oh well, I have to get a job so it doesn't really matter.

Fourth of July fireworks.

Here are a few firework pictures. There are my first try at capturing fireworks, so they are a bit shaky.

The fourth of July in a small town.

We had a nice fourth. Even though I spent most of the day with a headache. We went down town to watch the Parade. It was nice in a very small town kind of way. Aidan collected alot of candy and a couple of stickers.


Here is a crowd shot with the girls we were there with.

There were some runners, this one had his kids with him. They came down from Odell, which is about 7 miles away.

These fighter planes flew over at 10:15 AM.

Little horses, and cute kids.

A guy on a uni-cycle. (We were at the bottom of a fairly steep hill, and were very glad he didn't fall)

An interesting old tri-cycle.

Smokey Bear.

Some old planes did slow circles around town.

And a guy balanceing a kayak paddle.

More Aidan stuff.

One of the few persistent mispronunciation that Aidan has, involves my Mom's little dog, Pepper. For some reason he can't get the p's in the middle right. He calls him "Pecker Dog". Howard finds this funny, and I have to admit that sometimes when he says it, it makes me smile. Usually with a little practice Aidan gradually gets the pronunciations right. But with Pepper's name he hasn't changed it at all from day one.

Right now he is playing in the living room, I can see him through the door. He has some blocks, a long green one and a square yellow one. The yellow one looks like it is supposed to be part of a roof or something, it's not flat like the green one, it has a smaller square top. Aidan put the green one on the yellow one and tipped it back and forth, saying "Look a see-saw." He's right it does look like a see-saw.

Speech update.

Aidan is talking more everyday. He is starting to make whole sentences, with 4 or more words. He pronounces most things pretty well. But he is still way behind other kids his age. I'm sure he will catch up sooner or later. He gets frustrated, and starts to yell when he isn't understood, or when he doesn't quite know how to say what he wants. Getting him to calm down and use his words for what he wants or to show us what he wants can be quite a chore. But we have to do it, if we want him to talk more and yell less.

He loves his Thomas the Train stuff, so some of his advancements have been made concerning them. He has a wonderful memory which helps a lot. I'm waiting to get an evaluation until we have a place of our own, it seems like most of the speech therapy is done in the home, and since we are staying in the RV until Mom can sell it, and then will live in a camping trailer when she gets it, I'm a bit hesitant to have anyone like that over. I don't know, maybe I'm just being paranoid. I don't want them to get any ideas about taking Aidan away. Not that I've ever had anyone even suggest such a thing, I just worry about it.

Moving, the photos.

Here are a few pictures of our trip home.

This is what the living room looked like during the packing process, I couldn't pack everything up, because we were still living there and needed to keep things out.


This is the stack of boxes that we took out first, they are full of the things we didn't need for existance.

The blowen out tire.

Aidan flirting with a couple of sisters at a rest stop.

Same rest stop, different girl. (I think my youngest son is going to be a ladies man. LOL)

The train at Klamath Falls. It's an old retired steam engine. Aidan thinks trains are pretty great right now. He still loves trucks and cars, and has decided that dinosaurs and dragons are cool too, but his favorite things are trains.

Our first clear view of Mount Hood. We were on I-84 leaving The Dalles.

Aidan waiting for Grandaddy at the McDonalds in Hood River. He was ready for the trip to be over. :)

I'll post some more pictures I've taken since we got here later.

Giant update.

I intended to update you all about how the move went as soon as we got here. But my Mom and Dad had a dial-up connection and I didn't want to tie up their line for long, and it kept having problems with dropping the connection. All that changed yesterday when I finally got the DSL hooked up and working.

So, we made it to Hood River on May 9th. Everyone and everything survived the trip, although I was not all together sure that it would end up that way during the trip. I tried to keep some notes in my day planner on the things that happened on our epic trip home to Oregon, so here are some of them.

May 4th

We still haven't left! One delay after another, including delays in loading the trailer. I almost worked myself into heat exhaustion trying to get everything packed, loaded, and cleaning up. In the end I left the place in a big mess. The truck was too heavy in the front so that the tongue almost touched the ground, we moved it anyway to a location were we could work on it without being in the street. The guys worked on it until 10 PM yesterday, they got it to work and then we decided to go to the Quality Inn n Merced for the night. I don't think I could have slept on the floor at Jimmy's, every part of my body hurt too much. It's a nice place to stay, but I was too stressed and tired to enjoy it much.

Today everything went along fine, they had the truck and trailer working together fine, but then the discovered a wiring problem so they spent a couple of hours tracking down the problem, and several more fixing it. By then it was 9PM so we went back to the Quality Inn for another night, tomorrow by noon we should be able to finally get out of here!

May 5th 7:23 PM

Well, some progress was made today. We WERE able to leave around noon. The truck is very slow because the trailer is very heavy, we can only go about 45 to 50 mph, but it goes! We stopped at Cody's, one of my brothers, and had a wonderful visit with Cody and the kids. Kelly, his wife, was sick and in bed when we were there. Then we stopped to get something to eat.

About 50 miles or so from Cody's the rear right tire on the truck BLEW OUT! I've never had a blow out before and it sacred me so much it took me almost a half an hour to stop shaking. Everything was fine, I guess I did a good job of keeping control of everything. So now we are waiting for Jimmy to come and help us. He is bring two tires so that we can change both of the rear tires. We have been here for about an hour, and will probably be here for a couple more.

12:30 AM

Well, it took longer than we expected, Jimmy sent his sister and brother down with the tires. Howard had to change them himself without power. But it's finally done. Aidan was wonderful while waiting, he talked and playing in his carseat without giving us much trouble. We moved the truck when it got dark, because I was worried about Howard changing the tires on the shoulder of the Highway. So we were able to let Aidan walk around some. After everything was done we decided to stay at a Motel 6 for the night, it might be the best financial decision, but Howard needs to relax.

May 6th

We wanted to go the coast route to Oregon, we thought it would be easier on the truck. But ... We got lost on highway 16, took a wrong turn, and ended up back on I-5. We got as far as Red Bluff before we decided to stop for the night. It was a beautiful drive, but turned into a big waste of time and gas.

May 7th

We made it to Kalamath Falls. We stopped and looked at a train they have at the veterans park there. When we got back to the truck we discovered that we had a flat on the trailer. We unhooked the truck and I tried to get a tire at Wal-Mart. They didn't have the one we needed and the next closet thing, which would have worked okay, cost a lot more than I had. So I called my Dad to see what we could do. He sent us $100, which I waited around to get at Wal-Mart, and arranged for us to get a tired at Les Schwab on his account. So we are going to spend the night at a Motel, because we are not parked in a place I feel comfortable sleeping in the truck, and because I want to sleep more tonight than I did last night.

May 8th

We had some more trouble with the truck, it died not long after we left Chunult (I'm not sure of the spelling). A nice man stopped and let Howard use his cell phone and we called my Dad. He talked to Howard and had him check the fuel line. It had a clog in it. We did okay but used a lot of gas. We finally discovered a leak, and then later another one. In Redmond we called my Mom and Dad again, the gas leaks had left us with no money and very little gas, so they sent another $50. We are almost there!

May 9th

We spent the night in front of a little store, in a little town whose name I forget. We ran out of gas right there, the store, which had a gas station in front of it, didn't open until 8 AM. It was cold and we were very tired of the truck but we did get some sleep. After that was taken care of, and a really nice guy helped us get it started again, I guess there was an other clog in the fuel line, and then the battery was low from all the attempts to start it. We got here with almost no gas left, and had some trouble getting up the steep hill to my Parents house, but we made it! We are so happy to be home!


So, Aidan and I have been settling in here. Howard is down in Salem, looking for a job. He plans to come up for the week-end. It's been really nice to be back home. Mom and Dad are bonding with Aidan, and he loves them. Pepper, mom's dog, enjoys having Aidan around, but he gets tired of it sometimes. So Aidan is learning to leave Pepper alone when he gives him that little growl. They are doing great.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. LOL I hope I'll be able to post more now that we have DSL here. Take Care All.

This is it.

Today we will be leaving for Oregon. We have a couple of people coming to help finish up all the moving. Yesterday we had another delay, the truck and trailer had to be wired for lights. That took almost all day to get done. At 8PM we loaded some boxes and the two dressers, by 10 we just couldn't do any more so we called it quits. The people who said they would help never showed up. This morning I'm packing up the day to day stuff I had to leave out just so we could be somewhat normal through this. Howard and Jimmy went to do a tire so we can have some extra money. The guys who are going to help with stuff today are supposed to be here at 9. I'm hoping that we can be finished by about noon. I have to take the cable box in and pay that bill, and then go to the insurance office and get the truck put on the insurance.

Well, I guess I'd better go get things done. I'm not sure when I'll be in Hood River, but I'll try to get on line in with an update as soon as I can. Take Care all.

Frustration!

I am so frustrated!!! Almost everything in ready to pack the trailer, except THE TRAILER!!! It needs new axles, the ones Howard and Jimmy got for it were 7 inches too short. Of course they waited until Saturday to get them so now they have to wait until Monday to get the metal guy to add the 7 inches to them. Which means I'll have to wait until Tuesday to even start loading the truck and it has to be done Tuesday! I don't think I can do it in one day even with leaving so much stuff behind. I might just have to let Howard stuff everything from the shed into the trailer instead of going through it all. I don't want to put any of that stuff outside until I'm ready to put it in the trailer, because I don't want it stolen. Every space available if full of boxes so there isn't any space left to put new boxes. So I can't even pack what is left to be packed. GRRRRRRR!!! I want to scream at someone, or throw things, or basically act like a frustrated child. Of course I can't do that, so instead I'm on the verge of tears off and on today. To top it off I'm having a head ache induced by hormones and cramping, which probably explains my over emotional state right now. (Sigh) I'll be okay, everything will get done, and I'll be on my way home in just a couple of days! (Imagine wild cheering here.)

P.S. I know I used a lot of exclamation marks in this post, but I'm hormonal and it made me feel less frustrated. Really it did.

Finally!!!

We finally got the house sold. We had to settle for $700 because we wanted to leave by the third. Now it's a sure thing, we will be leaving by the third of May! Hurray! Now we have a list of things to get done, none of them very hard.

1. Paint the fenders on the trailer.
2. Take the trailer in to get the license.
3. Pack up (I have a plan for this as well).
4. Have dinner with Howard's Cousin Jim and Aunt Martha.
5. Take the cable box in, pay the final bill.
6. Call the phone company to shut off the phone and give them my new address for the final bill.
7. Talk to the insurance people about the truck.
8. Look around for anything we forgot.
9. Get in the truck and leave!

We will stop by my brother Cody's house on the way out to see them. I think we will go the coast route because it will be a little bit easier for the truck to handle than the other ways. Besides Aidan can get his look at the ocean. So, depending on how long it takes us, how often we stop, and how slow we have to drive because of the trailer, we could be in Hood River in less than 2 weeks!

Not much progress

Still no news on when the move will happen. The trailer has fenders now, all we need to do is get doors on it and get it licensed. Then we can start to pack it up. We get money on the third, so maybe we can leave by Saturday the sixth.

Yesterday was a migraine day. I slept from 1:30 PM until 6:30 and still had a headache. It faded after we had dinner, but is still sitting there behind my right eye waiting. I feel like I could sleep all day today too. Of course I won't be able to do that. It's hard to describe the way I feel after a migraine. The pain is gone, but I'm still not quite back to normal. It's like a memory of the pain, or a tiredness like after a leg cramp, that feeling that if I move wrong it will come back. Anyway, today I'm in that almost back to normal phase. I hope that this afternoon it will be gone for good.

Still in California

Yesterday I was sick. It might have been a flu bug or just a reaction to the food I've been eating. (Sometimes I feel sick after eating red meat. My Doctor thinks it's the hormones and/or chemicals that animals are fed these days. They build up in my body and then I have to eat chicken or go vegetarian for a few days in order to feel normal again.) But whatever it was I'm feeling better today. The weather should be good today, and I should be able to get things together to get the permits this afternoon. Then the only thing left to do would be putting the doors on the trailer, putting a second coat of paint on the trailer and packing it up. It looks like it will be Tuesday or Wednesday before we can leave. We might have the car sold, and someone else looked at the house the other night. So maybe we will have enough cash to get home.

I had a dream that we were in Oregon, and it felt so good to be home. It didn't seem to be much of a rush or too much of a problem, but somehow I wasn't with Howard and Aidan. I was trying to catch up with them. I'm not sure what I was driving, or if I was with other people. It's been too long since I woke up, the details are fading. All in all it was a good dream though.

Sometimes it feels like we will never get out of here. But we have to leave the trailer park by the end of May regardless of anything else. So ... Keep good thoughts that we will be back in Oregon before Christopher's birthday on the 10th of May. I know that is almost 3 weeks away, but the way things are going it could take that long.

Trailer and truck update

There has been progress, although not as much as I'd like. The truck got it's carburetor re-built, it still needs a tune up and the timing set. Then I'll go get the trip permit to take it to Oregon. The trailer is almost done. It needs doors and a paint job. Oh and Howard needs to get some bolts to bolt the box down to the sheet metal part of the trailer. I will also need to get a permit for it.

I've been so sleepy the last couple of days. Before we had Aidan I used to spend days like this in bed, sleeping and maybe watching some TV or drawing. Now, of course, I have to watch Aidan, so no all day naps for me.

Email change

Those of you that I actually send e-mail to will soon notice that I've started to change my e-mail address. I won't be using the comcast address any more once we move, so I thought it would be a good idea to get some of it changed over to the new Yahoo address. I'll also be using it for comments on blogs and such. It's the same as the comcast one, it just ends with yahoo. com instead of comcast.net.

Moving update.

There has been an other short delay in the move. Howard stressed his back on Saturday and hasn't been able to move around much until today. He's almost back to normal today. So we are behind a little bit with building the "box" for the trailer. I had a migraine yesterday so I'm a bit behind on packing and cleaning. Oh well, things are still good for leaving this week-end. We will see how it goes from here. Even more good news, there is a man who is interested in this place. He says he will have $1000 tomorrow. That will allow me to pay $500 in bills and still have money left for the move. Keep your fingers crossed that he will actually come up with the money, we can use all the good luck we can get.

I think we will take the coast route to Oregon, because the hills are much easier and there is less chance for snow. The weather has been very wet the last few days, with lots of snow up in the mountains. They are saying that the snow level is going up though, so who knows. It will take longer going the coast route, but will be a nice drive and easier for the truck to handle, I hope.

Finally a bit of good news!

Well, the truck (pick-up) finally got here. They fixed a "module" for about $23. The next thing will be a complete go over to make sure everything is in good working order. It needs the timing set and some newer tires. Now we have to get a trailer. We could easily get one that is basically the bed of a pick-up, but that will be too little. There is an other one that we think is big enough, but we are not sure we can get it. Keep in mind this is all free stuff. So it is conceivable that we will be moving by the end of the week. However, I'm not going to hold my breath. Every week since the end of January we have thought we would be able to move by the end of the week. (sigh)

My list of things I'm taking with me is getting smaller all the time. I still need to get into the shed and see what is salvageable. But chances are I'll be leaving most of it here. I want to find my books, and a few other things. But I don't need most of that stuff, I've become accustomed to having it. So I'll be taking my Queen size bed (mattress, box springs, frame and headboard), Aidan's twin size bed (mattress, box springs, frame, headboard and footboard) my two dressers, the china cabinet, filing cabinet, art cabinet, a small desk, 3 small tables, a small bookcase, 2 TV's , computers, 2 lamps, microwave, various boxes of things, our cloths, Aidan's toys, and a few other small odds and ends of things.

Aidan LOVES the truck. The first night it was here he got mad when we brought him in. He wanted to sleep in it! So it has become known as "Aidan's truck". Here are a few pictures of it with Aidan playing in it today.

It's not a very pretty truck.

A few updates.

Here's an update on that weight loss study: My anonymous commenter is probably right, it is a scam. I got a call yesterday, it seems that they are not taking any more people into the study. Now they are offering a discount to actually get all the stuff. Hmm ... If I can't get $150 in order to make $1000 why do they think I'll be able to pay even a discounted price? Oh well, it would have been nice. I would like to loose a lot of weight, and the $1000 would have been great, but since anyone can qualify for the so called test, and they are already selling the product that was being studied just last week (not enough time to collect necessary data) I'd have to agree that this is a scam. (sigh)

I don't know what is happening with the move. I guess there is a 1978 Dodge truck that is supposed to be here any time now. It needs some work, but if the problem is what Jimmy thinks it is it won't cost much to fix it. There is also a trailer, kind of a boxed in truck bed with a roll up door, that we are also supposed to be getting soon. So ... I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high, but IF it all works out the way Jimmy says it will, it will be wonderful!

Aidan was sick a couple of days ago. It seemed like everything he had to eat or drink would come back up in just a few minutes. Twice it happened in the car, and once it happened all over me. My stomach was irritable for two days after that and then I had a day of sitting in the bathroom almost all day. Today I'm feeling pretty good, except that I'm tired. Oh and allergies, but those are normal for me around here at this time of year.

Yesterday I asked Aidan to be quiet. He has started to repeat everything anyone says. But when I told him that I didn't feel well, he came over to me, put his hand on my cheek and said "Oh, poor little Mama." It was so cute. He sounded so concerned.

Mommy blog entry.

Yesterday while shopping Aidan was looking at the wall in Food 4 Less, pointed and said "Black Q." You know what? He was right! I didn't know he knew what a Q was! Today I cut a piece of toast in half, corner to corner, and he said "Triangle toast." Wow! I didn't know he knew what a triangle was either. He is finally starting to talk a lot, almost able to hold a conversation, and coming out with suppressing things. He is still fairly well behaved, but is starting to say no or just ignore what we tell him to do. Luckily for him it's only a once in awhile thing.

He only has melt downs when he is tired, but now that he is trying to skip the afternoon nap that happens regularly. He is also starting to sleep in later. No more waking up a 5 AM, he will now sleep until 7, or once in awhile even 8.

Right now he is talking to the TV, it's the Backyardagains. He really likes them as well as Dora and Diego. Of course Sesame Street is always something he will sit still for. (Probably why he knows about Q's and triangles) During most of his "Shows" he will be playing, pretending to read, drawing, or some other activity. This is a new Backyardagains, so he is interested more than normal. The kids are having a race "around the world" they were snowboarding down a mountain and Aidan was telling them "Be careful, don't crash." He had to say it 4 times, once for each of the 4 characters that are in this adventure.

He is counting objects now. Ducks in a book, pieces of tomato, and movies in the book case. He counts in Spanish up to 7 sometimes too, thanks to Dora and Diego. I'm going to see if my Dad would mind teaching Aidan more Spanish.

He brought a stuffed toy to me with a shirt to wrap around it, then he carried it like a baby, patted it on the back and then put it to bed. It was so cute, he doesn't know any babies right now, so maybe it's just a natural nurturing part of his personality. He knows almost all his body parts, and can show them to you as well as name them. His Daddy and I are having a disagreement about the words for his behind and his penis. Howard wants to say Butt and for some strange reason feels weird saying Penis. I want to say Bottom and Penis, because I think they will be more acceptable at school when he goes. Howard doesn't think that the word Butt will get Aidan in trouble. So I guess he will learn both and I'll have to tell him not to say Butt in public places like school and the Grocery Store.

All in all I'd say that Aidan is making a good amount of progress learning things. He may still be behind kids his age in some things, but I think he is catching up fast and is actually ahead a little bit in a few others.

Howard's birthday.

Howard's birthday was Saturday the fourth of March. The day started out sunny and warm. He wanted to BBQ in the park so that Aidan could play on the slide he likes. So he called a friend and invited him and his wife to the park with us. By the time Howard got the hamburgers on the grill it had become overcast and cold. We toughed it out until after we had eaten, because Aidan was having such a good time. And because having people who aren't family to talk to can be interesting sometimes. Howard said that the day was a good one for him, because we were together, Aidan was so happy to be playing in the park, and we had some nice conversation.

Here are some pictures I took of Aidan, my batteries died early, so I only got about 4 or 5 pictures.

Still in California.

Well, there is still not much news about our move. There is a possibility of a u-haul type truck that we could get for next to nothing and we would be able to keep it. But I don't know how that is going to work out. There have been a few people who have looked at the house. Yesterday one lady actually said that she would get the money and come back, but she didn't. I'm hoping that she will come back with the money eventually and that we will get that truck. Howard says that we will be leaving before the end of the month. I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I really need to get out of here. It took me a while to get to this point. I was looking for another house or something, because we didn't have any money, Howard needed to get a job up there first, I needed more of a long term plan. But now that I've gotten past that particular set of worries, I and very anxious to get going. So far 2 months of wanting to finally leave, and still there isn't much progress. I'm sure that when it's the right time it will happen. Howard has more possibilities for jobs now than he did a couple of months ago. He's talked to people in Coos Bay and Albany, just recently. So maybe it's a good thing.

Worrisom survey results.

It's a little worrisome that only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment. But more than half can name at least two members of the Simpsons, according to a survey. I'm ashamed to say that I can only name 4 or the 5. I remembered Freedom of Religion, Freedom of the press, Freedom of speech, and Freedom of Assembly, but completely forgot the Freedom to petition for redress of grievances. Could you have named them before today? Do you know what the other Amendments are? If so you are ahead of me, I can't remember most of them. This bothers me some what, because I think we should all know and understand them and yet here I am one of them many who don't know. I'm not even sure if I've ever studied them. Maybe I should study them on my own.

Diet study

There is an interesting study going on right now, about weight loss. They think they have come up with a perfect weight loss program. It sounds interesting, you diet one day and eat what ever you want the next day. They have a vitamin crystal you take on the "Food Days", which is supposed to help with energy. On the "Diet Days" you eat only fruit and vegetables, drink water and eat these wafers which are made from a root and expands somewhat in your stomach. The only exercise you have to do is walk 30 to 40 minutes a day. At the end of the study they will pay all who have made it through the whole study $1000. The only problem I have is they want a $150 deposit, which you will get back eventually, to make sure "only those who are truly serious about loosing weight" get in. I'm probably more serious than anyone else in their study, but I don't have that right now. My credit card is maxed out right now, and ever penny we get we have to either save for the move or get things we need. So I'm not going to be able to do the study. But maybe there will be a second study with a smaller deposit, or maybe we will have money soon and I can still sign up. Oh, if you are interested or know someone who might be interested their web site is http://dietstudy.com Let me know if anyone does it and how it works out.

Things are not moving very fast.

I'm still not sure when we will be moving to Oregon. We haven't been able to sell the house, I don't think any work has been done on building a moving trailer, and Jimmy wants to tow the trailer up there for us, but I don't think I'll be able to afford to pay for gas. I'm getting worried, I don't want to be here any longer, but it looks like we may be here for another month anyway.

But there is a possible bright spot, Howard has talked to someone in CoosBay about a job. It pays about $2000 a month, gross pay. Not too bad, I think. If they like his resume he could have an interview in a couple of weeks. Coos Bay isn't my first choice of places to live, but it's better than here. It's getting depressing not knowing if will be able to leave this month or not. I'm about half packed and I don't feel very encouraged to pack any more. I could get quite a bit packed and still be able to live day to day, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

I am getting rid of a lot of things, well actually I'm just going to leave them here. Maybe someone can use them. We are going to take the beds, two dressers, the china cabinet, the art cabinet, the filing cabinet, computers, cloths, Aidan's toys (although many of the older ones are not going with us), about half the dishes and pots and pans, about half the boxes of things I've been moving with us, the desk, a lamp or two, and maybe the freezer. Hopefully the trailer will be done soon and I can start to move things out there to get them out of the way. If I keep Buddy close to the trailer no one will be getting into it.

I've been feeling very tired a lot lately. I'm not sure why. But I need to fight it, and get busy around here. It's a challenge to do things like pack and clean with a busy 3 year old trying to "help" or thinking he can get away with doing things he would normally get in trouble for. He naps only half the time these days, so I can't count of that time to do things. Howard gets too involved in his computer or TV and doesn't' watch Aidan well enough (or maybe I'm just being too critical, thinking I am the ONLY one who can watch Aidan well enough).

Keep good moving vibes coming my way, okay? I don't want to have to pay rent for March.

Happy Birthday Valentines Boy

Today my sweet little boy is 3! How did the years fly by so fast? WOW 3 years already!

Dear Little Valentines boy,

I love you so very completely. It's hard to believe you are already 3, and yet it seems as if you have been part of me forever. You are growing bigger and bigger all the time, and learning new things every day. You are talking more now days, but still not as much as what I've heard others your age are talking. You know how to make your wants known, you can tell your Daddy and I that you love us, and you have a good memory for people and their names, so I think you are doing pretty well.

You enjoy playing with computers, any computer will make you happy. You like books, trucks, cars, red things, Elmo, Cookie Monster, Grover, you cat named Ti, and your dog Buddy. You are 39 inches tall (at least as far as I can tell with the growth chart I have, when I can get you to pass by it slow enough for me to see it).

You can count to 20 with only a few skipped numbers, a few mispronounced, but you know what they mean. You like the ABC's, but refuse to say them.

You are well behaved, for a child your age, you listen to me and usually do what I tell you to do. You go to bed easily, and sleep pretty good, for your nap and at night. You are trying to skip the afternoon nap though.

I want you to know just how happy I am that you are in my life. You can make me smile when I'm in a bad mood. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Here is your birthday cake, you liked it because of the trucks. You didn't care about the candle or eating the cake however.

Happy birthday my little love!

Childhood memories, updated.

One of the bloggers I like to read, lives in the area that I grew up in, down in New Mexico. She has a flickr photostream as well. Part of me wants to ask her to go and find the place we lived when I was a child and photograph the house. Part of me is afraid that if she did that I'd be disappointed or upset by what she would find. Even if I actually asked her and she should agree I'm not sure I could tell her how to find the place. It would be interesting though, to see how close my memory is to how the house actually is. If it's still there and if they hadn't done much to change it in the ... 32? ... years since we left. I guess it's unlikely that things would be the same as when we left, all these years would have brought changes, even if only small ones. Maybe someday I'll go back there and see for myself, if I could find it that is.

Birthday wishes

Today is The Girls birthday. I would like to be with her today, to help her celebrate.

Dear little Sister-friend,

I love you! I feel so lucky to have you in my life, even though we don't see each other very often. I wish you a day that is as special for you as you are special to me. Have fun, play, enjoy.

I love you!

The big move, an update.

It looks like we will have to wait until next month to make this move. The house didn't sell, and I don't think it will. So now we have to find a trailer, maybe Howard's cousin Jimmy can build one for free. The main problem with that is that he wants to tow it up to Hood River for us, I think he trying to save my car for me. I'd rather have a truck to tow it ourselves. It's very nice of him, if I'm right, to think of letting me keep my car. Oh well, we will see how it all works.

It gives me some more time to go through things and pack stuff up, so maybe a blessing in disguise. If we get the trailer, and a lock, I can load some stuff up early as well.

Still waiting, yuck!

Well, we didn't see them yesterday. We will have to pay the rent on the space when we get paid tomorrow. So they have until tonight and then they will have to wait until the end of the month to get the house, if they still want it. So the search of a truck and trailer is on. Jimmy thinks he can build one for us, and maybe we can get a truck. He also has a King Cab, I think, truck that needs a little work, but he could take us up to Hood River, towing a trailer, in it. Not what I'd want, because I'd like to have transportation once we are up there, but if that is what we have to do then that is what we will do.

I'm slowly progressing with packing up those thing we don't NEED for everyday life. I am also deciding to get rid of almost half of the things I have. Some things will go in the dumpster, some will go to whoever wants them, some we might be able to sell. Of course we will have to speed things up if they come over with the money tonight. (We might have missed them yesterday, because we went around to get my Wheel of the Year photos, so we were gone for a couple of hours in the middle of the day. Then from 6 to about 8:30 we were at Denny's for dinner with Jimmy, his wife, sister and mother.)

Waiting, I really hate waiting.

Well, I will know tomorrow if we actually have this house sold. Keep your fingers crossed for us. I really want to be in Oregon for Aidan's birthday. I don't want to sell my car, which I will have to do in order to get the money to move if the house isn't sold. I'd rather not pay space rent here this month if I can help it. Maybe I can find a truck and trailer to trade my car for. I am really feeling stressed over this. I don't normally stress very much, but this move has become much more than just a move to me. It's a going home. Once I decided that we were actually going to do it now, rather than sometime in the future, it became much more important than any other move I've ever made. Now all I have to do is survive until tomorrow, and then do whatever I have to do to make it happen as soon as possible.

Picture collages I've done.

Moving?

It seems possible that we will be moving back to Oregon next month. We need to come up with $2000 for the move. We might have this old house sold for $1500, and we will have the other $500 on the third. But, the lady who MIGHT buy the house has to talk her daughter into moving into it. And from what Howard said the Daughter is reluctant at best. I might be able to sell my car for $2000, but I'd rather keep it if possible. If we can't sell the house this month, I guess we will just have to wait until March. I'll pay as little as possible on the bills in February and save every penny I can. Hopefully Howard and work enough for Jimmy to get the rest of what we will need.

So I'm pretty sure that we, Aidan and I, will be in Hood River with my Parents before summer. I'm kind of torn about it however. I have been feeling rather lonely lately. I miss my family and friends, and haven't made any friends here except for Howard's family. I also, for the first time, felt like the poor relations who are included in family gatherings only because they are family this last Holiday season. No one was mean or rude, but I felt like we didn't fit in at all. I was sad for Aidan, although he didn't notice anything, because all the other kids have Grandma's and Great-Grandma who dote on them. Aidan had only Howard and I. The other kids got presents from their Aunts and Uncles, we even gave each one a book, but Aidan didn't get anything. It's not that I think presents are important, but more that everyone else was opening presents and Aidan didn't have any. But at his age he didn't notice. If we lived some where away from any family or friends we already have I wouldn't feel so bad. Because there wouldn't be anyone to be compared to. Do you understand?

On the other hand, Aidan has a real connection to Jimmy and Buna. He loves them SO much, and he will miss them very much when we leave. I am sad that he will have to go through that, but again he just might not be bothered as much as I worry he will be. It will be easier for him now for two reasons. One, we will be moving up to my Mom and Dad's so he will have plenty of people who are "his". Two, he will be only 3 in just 26 days, so he won't remember much of it, and he's always been an easy going child. He takes change well, so I'm sure he will be fine. I still worry that he will feel sad about it though, and I know that I'll miss them myself. But in the end, I really want to move back to Oregon.

3 versions of the Boy with an apple photo.

These are the pictures I tried to post last month. I still don't know why they wouldn't post, but they do now so here they are.

The first has the back ground blurred a little bit.

The second is Black and White with the apple the only touch of color. The color of the apple is too dark though and I can't seem to be able to fix it.

The third has an old photo treatment done to it, sepia toned, softened a little, blurred edges, and rounded corners. You don't see the rounded corners very well except for the lower right corner.

My Fear and Panic in the fog.

I really really hate fog! It scares me if I have to drive in it. I tense up and get panicky. Tonight it made me cry. We were going to a friends house for dinner and a good visit. The fog didn't seem too bad at first, I thought I could drive through it and I thought everything would be okay. But after missing the exit twice, once going north the other going south, and then not being able to see more than a few feet ahead of me I started to shake, and my hands stared to hurt from squeezing the steering wheel as if that would help me to see better. Finally, when I couldn't find the next road we needed to take I felt I had to give up. We were after all only about 1 mile away from Atwater, about 20 or so away from our destination. So I told Howard that it was over and I couldn't do it any more. He wanted me to let him drive, and I wanted very much to let him. But he is excluded from my insurance, because he doesn't have a drivers license right now, so I couldn't allow it. Finally we were home, we were safe, and I could let go of the tension. I, of course started immediately started to cry. Poor Howard didn't know what to do to make it better. He told me that we were all home safe, and that we could see our friends another time. I am feeling better now, we have been home for about 45 minutes. I'm still shaking a little bit, and my back hurts from the stress, but I'm not overly emotional any more, thank goodness.

Wheel of the year photos.

Here are the photos I choose for the Wheel of the Year project.
The first one is the temperature at 1PM on the first. It was pouring down rain, and the wind was blowing fairly hard. It felt a lot colder than this.

The second photo is of Aidan's dinner plate. This is what we had for dinner on the first. It's a pork, potato and onion Southwestern hash, if you look really hard you can see the steam from his corn.
The third photo is the view out my bedroom window at 6PM, the little lights are about a block away.

The fourth one is of the arbor/arch in the little park down town. It's going to be covered by what I think are climbing roses in the Spring.

The fifth is of our tree, the one in the front yard. It was raining so hard I got drenched taking it.

The sixth is the Moutain range I can see from around here. They finally have snow on them. I took this today, while at the lake.

The seventh is Yosemite Lake. It had more water in it a couple of summers ago when we were there, the water came up to the concrete edge and was about 2 feet deep there. As you can see the level is quite low today. It was a very beautiful day to go to the lake today.

The eighth is my current project as is on the first. It's going to be a hat, if/when I finish it.
The ninth is the main street into the park here where I live. If you turned right here, you would see my house. Taken today to avoid standing in the rain.
The tenth is Aidan sleeping the night of the first, he wouldn't co-operate with a picture of him in front of his growth chart, so ...

The eleventh is an Orchard over in Winton, not far from here. I don't know what kind of trees these are, maybe peach. I took this today. After all the rain it was almost a perfect day.
The twelfth, is a local construction site, I took this on the third while it was still raining.