Waiting, I really hate waiting.

Well, I will know tomorrow if we actually have this house sold. Keep your fingers crossed for us. I really want to be in Oregon for Aidan's birthday. I don't want to sell my car, which I will have to do in order to get the money to move if the house isn't sold. I'd rather not pay space rent here this month if I can help it. Maybe I can find a truck and trailer to trade my car for. I am really feeling stressed over this. I don't normally stress very much, but this move has become much more than just a move to me. It's a going home. Once I decided that we were actually going to do it now, rather than sometime in the future, it became much more important than any other move I've ever made. Now all I have to do is survive until tomorrow, and then do whatever I have to do to make it happen as soon as possible.

Picture collages I've done.

Moving?

It seems possible that we will be moving back to Oregon next month. We need to come up with $2000 for the move. We might have this old house sold for $1500, and we will have the other $500 on the third. But, the lady who MIGHT buy the house has to talk her daughter into moving into it. And from what Howard said the Daughter is reluctant at best. I might be able to sell my car for $2000, but I'd rather keep it if possible. If we can't sell the house this month, I guess we will just have to wait until March. I'll pay as little as possible on the bills in February and save every penny I can. Hopefully Howard and work enough for Jimmy to get the rest of what we will need.

So I'm pretty sure that we, Aidan and I, will be in Hood River with my Parents before summer. I'm kind of torn about it however. I have been feeling rather lonely lately. I miss my family and friends, and haven't made any friends here except for Howard's family. I also, for the first time, felt like the poor relations who are included in family gatherings only because they are family this last Holiday season. No one was mean or rude, but I felt like we didn't fit in at all. I was sad for Aidan, although he didn't notice anything, because all the other kids have Grandma's and Great-Grandma who dote on them. Aidan had only Howard and I. The other kids got presents from their Aunts and Uncles, we even gave each one a book, but Aidan didn't get anything. It's not that I think presents are important, but more that everyone else was opening presents and Aidan didn't have any. But at his age he didn't notice. If we lived some where away from any family or friends we already have I wouldn't feel so bad. Because there wouldn't be anyone to be compared to. Do you understand?

On the other hand, Aidan has a real connection to Jimmy and Buna. He loves them SO much, and he will miss them very much when we leave. I am sad that he will have to go through that, but again he just might not be bothered as much as I worry he will be. It will be easier for him now for two reasons. One, we will be moving up to my Mom and Dad's so he will have plenty of people who are "his". Two, he will be only 3 in just 26 days, so he won't remember much of it, and he's always been an easy going child. He takes change well, so I'm sure he will be fine. I still worry that he will feel sad about it though, and I know that I'll miss them myself. But in the end, I really want to move back to Oregon.

3 versions of the Boy with an apple photo.

These are the pictures I tried to post last month. I still don't know why they wouldn't post, but they do now so here they are.

The first has the back ground blurred a little bit.

The second is Black and White with the apple the only touch of color. The color of the apple is too dark though and I can't seem to be able to fix it.

The third has an old photo treatment done to it, sepia toned, softened a little, blurred edges, and rounded corners. You don't see the rounded corners very well except for the lower right corner.

My Fear and Panic in the fog.

I really really hate fog! It scares me if I have to drive in it. I tense up and get panicky. Tonight it made me cry. We were going to a friends house for dinner and a good visit. The fog didn't seem too bad at first, I thought I could drive through it and I thought everything would be okay. But after missing the exit twice, once going north the other going south, and then not being able to see more than a few feet ahead of me I started to shake, and my hands stared to hurt from squeezing the steering wheel as if that would help me to see better. Finally, when I couldn't find the next road we needed to take I felt I had to give up. We were after all only about 1 mile away from Atwater, about 20 or so away from our destination. So I told Howard that it was over and I couldn't do it any more. He wanted me to let him drive, and I wanted very much to let him. But he is excluded from my insurance, because he doesn't have a drivers license right now, so I couldn't allow it. Finally we were home, we were safe, and I could let go of the tension. I, of course started immediately started to cry. Poor Howard didn't know what to do to make it better. He told me that we were all home safe, and that we could see our friends another time. I am feeling better now, we have been home for about 45 minutes. I'm still shaking a little bit, and my back hurts from the stress, but I'm not overly emotional any more, thank goodness.

Wheel of the year photos.

Here are the photos I choose for the Wheel of the Year project.
The first one is the temperature at 1PM on the first. It was pouring down rain, and the wind was blowing fairly hard. It felt a lot colder than this.

The second photo is of Aidan's dinner plate. This is what we had for dinner on the first. It's a pork, potato and onion Southwestern hash, if you look really hard you can see the steam from his corn.
The third photo is the view out my bedroom window at 6PM, the little lights are about a block away.

The fourth one is of the arbor/arch in the little park down town. It's going to be covered by what I think are climbing roses in the Spring.

The fifth is of our tree, the one in the front yard. It was raining so hard I got drenched taking it.

The sixth is the Moutain range I can see from around here. They finally have snow on them. I took this today, while at the lake.

The seventh is Yosemite Lake. It had more water in it a couple of summers ago when we were there, the water came up to the concrete edge and was about 2 feet deep there. As you can see the level is quite low today. It was a very beautiful day to go to the lake today.

The eighth is my current project as is on the first. It's going to be a hat, if/when I finish it.
The ninth is the main street into the park here where I live. If you turned right here, you would see my house. Taken today to avoid standing in the rain.
The tenth is Aidan sleeping the night of the first, he wouldn't co-operate with a picture of him in front of his growth chart, so ...

The eleventh is an Orchard over in Winton, not far from here. I don't know what kind of trees these are, maybe peach. I took this today. After all the rain it was almost a perfect day.
The twelfth, is a local construction site, I took this on the third while it was still raining.

The list

I think I've finalized my list for the "Wheel of the Year" project. It's been storming here since New Years Eve, so I'm going to have to wait to get all pictures. The outdoor ones are going to be the worst at this point. I think they will all transfer fairly well when we move to Oregon. Here's the list, the ones in Green are already taken as of today, the rest will have to wait for the weather to co-operate a little more.

1) The nearest tree.
2) A sign that shows the temperature between noon and 1 PM.
3) Progress on the project I'm currently working on.
4) What's for Dinner?
5) View out my bedroom window at 6 PM
6) Good Night Aidan (Aidan sleeping)
7) A construction site
8) An Orchard
9) Down the street (a shot taken from the corner toward where I'm living)
10) Mountains (The mountains range I can see from here and then Mt. Hood in Oregon)
11) A Lake or River (The lake here, and probably the Columbia River while I'm in Hood River then whatever river or lake is nearest)
12) The Park