The past comes back to bite you in the seat.

Why is it that the past can not remain in the past? If, for nearly 7 years, someone works hard to clean up their life, to stay out of trouble, wouldn't you expect that person to get a break? What if the "crimes" that appear on the background report were either driving related, such as driving with out insurance, and driving while suspended, and a dismissed misdemeanor? Wouldn't you expect that person to be able to get a job? Would a warrant for non payment of fines cause you to not hire someone? Well Cingular Wireless took Howard's background check and decided not to hire him, they didn't call but just told him when he reported for his first day. They say that it's because of the warrant, and that he didn't tell them everything on his record. They also told him that they were looking for felonys. He only has a couple of misdemeanor offences, one of which was dismissed. I don't understand why they couldn't call us before today. I'm pissed off that things that happened over 7 years ago are being used against him, and I'm so sad that Howard feels that no matter how hard he tries it doesn't matter. If not for Aidan, I think he would slip back into the drinking everyday, back to the wild party guy he was before he met me.

I am hoping that we can get the warrant lifted, and pay the fines a little at a time. Our budget can't take much right now, but I'm thinking we can come up with $25 a month at least for a little while. It will take 3 years at that rate, but maybe he can get a job and we can make bigger payments. I think that the background check only goes back about 7 or maybe 8 years. In which case, in a few months everything except for a few driving while suspended will be off. I hope that with the warrant lifted, and the old misdemeanors off the public record he will have a better chance of getting a job. He wants so much to be a responsible Daddy with a decent job to support his son. It's truly amazing how much Aidan has changed Howard's world view. I have heard that Howard changed quite a bit after he met me as well. So now he has a reason to be good, and he feels that no matter what he does he can not get ahead. I wish that there was something I could do to help him feel better. I'm feeling really helpless, distressed, sad, and I'm worried about Howard. I don't think he will do anything wrong, but he might get a little depressed.

Ok, I've rambled on enough for now. I needed to get it all out, thanks.

A closer look at Aidan using an old laptop. 

Aidan using an old laptop. 

Spring holidays, the house, my health and creativity.

Well, Easter came and went. This year there was very little hoopla. Last year there was a family barbecue, this year nothing. So we colored eggs, and let Aidan look for them. Well, we actually kind of forced him to look for them. He was not very interested in it at all. He wanted to eat them though, so we peeled one and he walked around the yard with it in his hand. It got dropped several times until I finally took it away and gave it to the dog.

So far there has been no news about the bigger house. I can't wait to get out of this one. I'm hoping that the deal will still go through. It would be so nice to have something go right finally. I think it's about time that our lives took a turn for the better. We've been at the bottom for almost 3 years now.

I've lost 5 pounds since I started to see the health educator. (I think its 4 or 5 months now.) Not a lot of weight, but a start. I'm making slow progress in reducing the amount of food I eat. I have noticed a difference. For example I used to eat 3 or 4 tacos (taco bell or home made) and now I feel over full with only 2! I'm reducing the amount of sugar and fat that I eat, but I know that I can't suddenly give up my favorite foods. So instead I'm trying to make some of my favorite things with more healthy ingredients. I bake with less sugar, and use splenda whenever possible. I've been looking for more healthy cooking oils, and using less fat of any kind all together. I haven't been walking as much as I should, partly because of my healing ribs and partly because I am so heavy walking puts a lot of stress on my back. I am out of shape, of course, but I've noticed that as the pounds slowly fade away I can walk faster and longer. No one but me will notice the difference, but I do notice and it's encouraging. I still have almost half my body weight to loose, but I think I can at least see the way.

I started to do some editing on the pictures we took while in Oregon. I had cropped them down and had some of them printed. Unfortunately some of them didn't print out well because they were/are off size. So now I have to re-crop them to either 8x10, 5x7 or 4x6 standard size so I can have prints made. I'd do them on my printer but it's not high enough quality for that and we are out of ink. I've also heard that home prints don't last as long. So I'm going to try to do some scrapbooking soon. I have done some digital scrapbooking lately. It's not the same as the ones I've made with real paper, but in some ways it's better. Because you can resize the pictures to fit the layout, you can change the color of your papers, frames, and other decorations, and journaling is quicker. But I don't like it as well either, because I don't have a real page to look at. Even though I could print the page it wouldn't be the same. It's fun though. Now all I have to do is figure out how to share them with people.

Theories of raising children.

I've just been over to The Zero Boss, where he has been talking about a book written by a couple called The Pearls. I checked out this link and read some of what they have published there. I've heard that there are people who are doing what the Pearls suggest, they are "training up children". Some of the methods taught might seem to be perfectly rational and reasonable, but on deeper thought they are seriously flawed. There is a story about a little girl, under a year old, who loved to climb the stairs. Did the Mother and Father, I hesitate to call them parents, put up a gate to protect their child? No, they took a willow switch and "switched" her little legs every time they caught her on the stairs. This little girl was about 4 months old. Then they put the switch on the steps to remind her that she would be switched if she climbed the stairs again. It worked, she didn't climb the stairs any more. Did she learn to obey her parents? I don't think so, I think she learned to fear the switchings and that fear extended to her parents.

I've discovered that spanking doesn't work very well. All it does is teach kids to fear their parents, and that hitting is an acceptable way to deal with people who don't follow the rules. Once kids get older they would choose spanking over being grounded for the week-end most of the time. Because it's over so much quicker. (I know that there are parents who beat their kids badly enough that they feel the pain for days after. That is not what I'm talking about, when I say spanking I mean a few swats with an open hand on the child's clothed bottom.)

I may not be the best Mother in the world, I've used spanking from time to time. I've been inconsistent with punishment. But I always tried to be there for my kids, I always tried to let them know how much I loved them. And somehow they turned out to be pretty good men. Not perfect, by any means, but they are loving and intelligent men. I am trying to do better with Aidan, I hope I learned something from my experiences with Christopher and Allen. I know I have and will make mistakes, but hopefully not the same ones I already made.

My theory about raising children, even though I don't always follow through with it, is fairly simple. Protect babies and small children from getting hurt by either removing things from their reach, or by blocking access to those things. Once a child can understand things you can tell them "No" when they reach for some thing they can't have. Explain why they can't have it. "It's hot and could burn you." "It's glass and will break easily." "It's not yours." It might not work the first few times, because the child hasn't quite grasped the full concept, but the older a child gets the easier it is to help them understand why something is wrong. Having a place where the child can sit, away from the action, and think about what happened can be helpful too. Some things, such as politeness and respect are best taught through example. If you say please and thank you, excuse me and I'm sorry, your child will pick up on it and start using those phrases too. When you treat others including you child with respect, your child learns to treat others with respect as well. Children will occasionally push their limits, it's a normal thing. I try to remain firm and consistent about those limits, but I'm afraid that I'm not always. Find logical consequences for behaviors, both good and bad. Older kids can sometimes be involved in deciding what consequences fit best for what behaviors. Stick to the consequences once you have developed them. This is hard sometimes, kids will react more strongly to the more meaningful consequences, and it's easy to give in and do something else.

There are probably as many ways to raise kids as there are parents. I just don't believe that beating a child into submission is the choice.

The passing of my young adulthood.

I just read that one of my favorite authors, one of the first writers whose name I remembered even after I had finished the book, I think she may have even been one of the first fantasy/sci-fi writers I had ever read, has died. Andre Norton was like a gift to the young woman, hungry for adventure, that I was some 25 or so years ago. My youngest brother, Mark, can be credited for starting me on the adventures I found in her books. (Thanks little brother.) I was probably older than many of her avid readers, I think I was about 20, but I needed those books in the same way that those teen age boys needed them. I was a young stay at home mom feeling bored and overwhelmed with my daily life. Reading became a way to cope, a way to take a break from that life. For the most part I enjoyed my life, but now and then I wondered what I was missing. Reading allowed me to have adventures while taking care of my child and home. I'd like to thank Andre Norton and all the other writers I have spent time with for helping people like me to get a fun, interesting break from our mundane lives.

Tiredness, tea and health

I don't know why I'm so tired these last few days. I want to take a nap, but Aidan hasn't been napping for the last 3 or 4 days. We moved him into a twin sized bed and he won't stay in bed during the day. He goes to bed just fine at night, but naps are out. Maybe he will get back into it later. I hope so.

I got the samples of Adagio tea a few days ago I got a 4 pack of herbal teas. They are mostly for Howard, I drink coffee most of the time. He likes all but one of them. I guess they haven't been as good with their customer service as they should be though. Over on Zero Boss, he's posted about his experience with them. Their representative actually posted in the comments, he comes off kind of rude. Things went fine for me, but I"m not sure if I'll ever order from them. I want their ingenuiTEA Set because it looks like it would help making tea easier, and it looks cool. LOL

My ribs are almost completely healed now. Thank goodness! It's allergy season here, yesterday my nose started that itchy - tickly feeling it gets during this time of year. I sneezed a lot, when my allergy pills wore off. If this had started a couple of weeks ago it would have been very painful, now it's only a little bit uncomfortable.

What I miss about my life without children.

There's been a discussion over on Metro Dad about the things parents miss about their pre childed lives. I think that I miss adult conversation the most. Because I'm a Stay-at-home-Mom I don't talk to anyone but Aidan most of the day. The first 3 hours that Howard is home is spent with Aidan, and then he is usually catching up on his e-mail and stuff. We do talk, but it's usually about Aidan or our family stuff. Important stuff to be sure, but not the stimulating conversion I used to have when I spent all day with Adults. We do have conversations on an adult level, they are just kind of infrequent. You know?

There have been days that I wondered if I made a mistake when I had my kids. When I wondered if I could manage to raise them to adulthood without major damage to them or to me. I have sometimes felt like they would be better off living somewhere else, away from me. Sometimes that happened when they were having particularity bad days. I can, of course, remember Aidan's bad days easier than Allen's or Christopher's. Sometimes they were MY bad days that caused those thoughts. It wasn't until Allen and Christopher grew into their teen years that I wondered if they were doing it on purpose. Until then I always wondered what I had done wrong, why couldn't I understand what they needed? Because I didn't believe that children misbehave to be mean to their parents.

I love my boys, they are my whole life. I enjoy spending time with them, I feel lucky to know them. Oh there were times, and I'm sure there will be more, when I didn't like them very much. And once they were old enough to understand the difference I told them so. "I will always love you with all my heart, but today, because of how you are behaving, I don't like you very much." Was that a bad thing to say to them? I don't think so. I'd have to ask them if they were hurt by that.

I am very happy that I decided to have each of my three sons in my life. I'd never trade my life now with a life with out them. No, it's not easy to be a parent of a toddler, or a teenager, or even an adult. You always worry about them, and hurt for them when things go bad. But I, personally, enjoy being a Mom. I can still have adult conversations, if given the chance. I can still read any books I want to, and I can still enjoy the arts and crafts I like to do, I just have to arrange my schedule to fit them in. And for me that is fine.

Saddness, anger and guilt.

Today I'm feeling, guilty, sad, frustrated, and stressed in turns. Early yesterday morning my Mother-in-law passed away. It seems that she stopped taking her medication for her liver just after she came home from a trip with her church choir at Christmas. We don't know why she stopped taking it, or wasn't taking it correctly. She knew that if she needed it, and couldn't pay for it, someone would get it for her. Part of me thinks she did it to get sick so that she could guilt her sons into a reconciliation. I really hope that isn't what happened.

We talked to the funeral home today. It was decided to have her cremated so that someone could take her to Oregon and bury her ashes with her husband. The Memorial will be on Thursday at her church, the final arrangements haven't been made yet but it will probably be around 11 AM or so, with a BBQ at Donny's afterward for the family.

Part of me is relieved that we won't have to deal with her any more. She was not an easy person to know. I feel very guilty for feeling that way. I'm sad that Howard has lost his Mother and that Aidan has lost his Grandma. I'm stressed and frustrated with all the details and the interpersonal relations in this family. I'll be glad when it's all over so that we can get back to normal, what ever that is. I feel guilty for that too. I'm angry that she died the way she did, because Howard feels guilty about it.

Thank you, everyone, for being here for me.

Free Tea

While reading Catawampus I discovered that you can get free tea just by posting a link to their site on your web page. So here it is Adagio. It looks like there are some interesting things on their site. I haven't gone through the whole site yet.

Mother's-in-law

My Mother-in-law is in the hospital. She wasn't taking her meds correctly and got neumonia. She wants us to believe that she is close to death, because she thinks that Howard and his brother Donny will reconcile if she is on deaths bed. So, for now, we are all playing nice while trying to spend too much time in the same place. I won't forgive Donny until he admits what he did and says he is sorry, but I can be civil to him. She keeps trying to put me in the middle of Howard and Donny's problems, but I won't let her do it. They have issues that have nothing to do with me. So we will probably spend an hour or two at the hospital every afternoon until she gets out. This is uncomfortable for me physically as well and emotionally. Oh well, it will most likely be only 2 weeks or so.

A MEME I found.

Over on Catawampus I found this, she calls it a MEME. Any way here it is.

Instructions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

She feels, and I agree, that the instructions are a little strange. I'm going to take them literally, and only post the 6th, 7th and 8th sentences.

I actually had to go find a book with more than 123 pages, most of the ones closest to me are little kids books. LOL The first book with more than 123 pages I found was London Bridges by James Patterson.

" At a little before midnight word began to circulate that HRT surveillance had turned up something else, About one in the morning I was called to a small bookkeeping room that was serving as headquarters. It was getting close to put-up-or-shut-up time."

It was actually a whole paragraph. I could have picked up something else, after all I have lost of books around here.

A tail of two broken ribs.

The main thing on my mind lately is, of course, my ribs. Everything I do hurts at least a little bit. But things are getting better, the pulled muscles and stressed tendons are healing well so that most of the remaining pain is because of my ribs.

I've been trying to remember how it happened, but the details are kind of fuzzy. It was Monday the 7th of February. Aidan had gone up the stairs for the hundredth time, so I went up to get him. I had him around the middle with my left arm, he was facing away from me, the hand rail was on the left side. I felt myself start to fall. I must have tried to catch myself because the fingers of my right had some damage. I almost stopped us from falling, but couldn't quite do it. I let Aidan slip down to the last couple of steps. And then I continued to fall. I think I landed on a large monitor. I don't remember landing, or rolling to my back. I couldn't breath, and all I could think of was Aidan, was he hurt? Of course he was fine, not a bump or bruise on him.

My Mom, who used to be a CNA and a massage therapist, was there and started to check me out. Snowanna was a little panicked and asked if she should call an ambulance. David took Aidan to the other room and kept him busy while I tried to make my lungs work again. The second thing Snowanna asked me was, "Did you break a finger nail?" (I got my first acrylic nails on the 5th) Funny enough, the second thing Howard asked me, once he found out I was OK was also "Did you break a nail?" Mom took Aidan and me up to Hood River with her that night. The next day I felt really bad so Mom took me to the hospital, where I had ex-rays that showed my broken ribs. I wasn't thinking too well, and didn't look at them. I'm not sure which ones are broken. I do know, because of where it hurts the most, that they are in the upper part and I think the breaks are under my arm toward the front. Oh yeah, it's my right side, and that causes a lot of trouble because I'm very right handed. Every move I make, every thing I pick up, every time I breath deeply it hurts. Coughing is bad, but sneezing is worse. It's been 2 weeks, the Doctor says it will be about 6 weeks before I'm back to normal.

Howard is being very nice and helpful. Aidan is taking advantage of the fact that I'm not moving very fast. LOL He's 2 now and this just gives him a little edge. He is really a good boy and he isn't really misbehaving all that much, just pushing the limits a little bit. If all things keep going as they are right now we will be fine.

I'm home.

My visit to Oregon was very nice. The wedding was beautiful, I saw family and friends that I haven't seen in awhile. I enjoyed visiting with my Mom and Dad, I stayed with them for about a week. We all loved our visit with Snowanna and David and DJ. I lost some of the phone numbers of people I really wanted to see, Jennifer and Pikes being the main concern. And then instead of having the time to look for them and find them I fell down the stairs and broke 2 ribs. So I spent most of my visit in pain and trying not to move too much.

Jennifer: I'm sorry I never got around to calling you my dear friend, I really did want to see you. I've missed you so much! I hope you understand.

I probably won't be posting much for the next few weeks. Typing is kind of painful. But I'll Try to post once in awhile.

Monday positives

Well, there is only one positive for today, mainly because I don't have much time. We are leaving today for Oregon. Mark, my youngest brother, is getting married on February 6th. I am hoping that we will be able to stay for a little while and visit with my family and friends. So you probably won't hear from me until after the 14th. I'd like to spend Aidan's birthday with my family. Take care everyone.

PBS and Margaret Spellings.

I was very disappointed that PBS is backing down. Have you heard about the kids program they have called "Post Cards from Buster"? It's an animated show about a bunny who travels around the country with his airline pilot Dad visiting with families along the way. In one episode he visits Vermont, where he meets two same sex families. I hear that they are not going to distribute this episode because "Margaret Spellings, the new secretary of the U.S. Department of Education, criticized the episode as inappropriate for children." I had hoped that PBS would be able to stand up for all American Families and not bow to oppression. Perhaps the threat of the loss of some funding, although just the amount of money that one episode cost, was enough to make them back down.

Mommy's little Sailor boy. 

Aidan and Buddy. 

My boy. 

A Monday Positive and a Monday Negative.

I went to the Doctor this morning. All the blood work came out really good. She said that except for my weight I'm very healthy. Blood sugar and cholesterol levels are VERY good according to her. She said that she isn't worried about the Celebrex, because there hasn't been enough research and the main genetic factors I need to worry about have to do with clots and cholesterol and Celebrex actually thins the blood a little. As for the dizziness, she just wants me to keep track and see if it's related to a cold or sinus problem or perhaps the ... I don't remember how to spell it, meniers disease or something like that. There isn't much that can be done about it anyway. She and the Health Educator, Katherine, are ok with my progress even though I haven't lost any weight in the last month, I also didn't gain any weight either.

Last night Aidan decided to get Howard's cup out of the microwave. I was on the phone, and Howard had to run to the bathroom, when the microwave beeped. A few seconds later I heard Aidan yelling. He had climbed up onto the ice chest that is in front of the table the microwave is on and taken the cup of hot water out. In the process of climbing down with it he spilled it on his right arm at the elbow. He had a slight scald, it was red for a few minutes. There are still some patches that are pinkish and one area that looks like if might blister, but he doesn't seem to be in pain. He keeps doing everything that he always does. The only time it seemed to hurt was when I grabbed his arm to keep him from falling. I am so glad that he is ok. It was scary.

This and that.

For those of you who are on our Friends and Family message board, I want to apologize to you for the inappropriate message Howard's Mom posted. She thinks she is the Queen of the guilt trip, but in reality she is more of a Drama Queen. I've asked her not to post such things there again.

Aidan is saying more words now. He says something that sound close to "I Love you" when I say "I love you" to him. He is trying to make the sign for I love you. I wish I could give you a clear description of it, but today my mind seems to want to take the long way around everything.

He covers his mouth with his hand and says "Skoos me" whenever I burp. Because I do that. He hasn't connected that when he burps he should do it too.

I wish Buddy would eat more. He is looking really skinny. We give him plenty of food, and he even has an extra bowl where it's harder for the neighbor dogs to get to, but he doesn't eat it. I don't know what to do. On the other hand Miss Kitty is getting pretty fat. I thought she might be pregnant, but I held her last night and it's all just chubbiness, her legs and chest are also getting fatter, not just her tummy. I didn't feel any babies when I was petting/squeezing her belly, I hope that she will hold off on her first heat so that I can get the money to get her fixed. I don't want to add to the unwanted cat population.

I'll see the Doctor and the Health Educator on Monday. I'll talk to the Doctor about the Celebrex, because my family has a history of heart problems. We will also discuss the blood test results and other health questions I have for her. I'll talk to the Health Educator about what I've done to adjust my eating habits, and what kinds of exorcise I've been doing, or not doing. I've worked on reducing my portion sizes, partly by using smaller plates and by cooking less food at any given meal. I've walked some and danced some, but not enough. Probably only about 20 minutes a week on average. I need to up that to closer to 80 minutes a week. But I do have a plan, so I've got a good start. It's going to take a lot of time, to work up to the right eating and exorcise habits, but I'm determined to do it.

Last night my left leg slipped out from under me and I fell hard on right hip and left arm. I almost fell on top of Aidan. I don't know what caused me to slip. My left arm hurts, that achey feeling just before a muscle cramp is closest to how it feels. My right leg will have bruises from the hip down to the knee because I fell into Aidan's carseat. But I missed Aidan and didn't break or sprain anything so I guess I'm lucky. Oh, and I think I'm going to have a nasty bruise on the upper part of my left knee.

I've been using my slow cooker a lot, well once or twice a week. I've made Rroasts, Swiss steak , Cchili Verde, and today I'm making Chili. I really like the way things turn out, tender with the flavors well mixed. So far everything has been pretty easy to put together. The hardest part is the cutting and chopping of the veggies. The house smells so good when I use it.

We are working on coming up with the money to get up to Oregon for Marks wedding. I want to be up there a couple of days before our money comes in, but I may not be able to pull that off. I guess we could leave really early on the 3rd, and hope to be up there and not totally exhausted for the bachelor's party on the 4th. The wedding is the 6th so I'm sure I'll make it in time for that. I don't know if Howard will be going with me or not. I'm not looking forward to driving that far alone with Aidan, but I could do it if I need to. Or maybe it would be better to go by train? Hmm I'll have to check out the cost of tickets.

I'm feeling a little divided, I want to move into a bigger place, and I want to move back to Oregon. Howard is looking for jobs up there, and if he goes to the Wedding with me he will spend some of his time looking through the papers, and actually going to the places he would like to work to put in applications. If he doesn't go with me then I'll bring back the papers for him. It might not be wise to move into the bigger house just to have to sell it and move to Oregon, but I REALLY want to move into the bigger space. And what if Howard doesn't get a job in Oregon for a couple of years? I don't want to live in this place for that long.

Monday Positives.

It's been quite a while since I last took the time to think of the good things in my life.

Aidan is happy and healthy.
Learning to use my slow cooker.
Eating better, and loosing 2 pounds last month.
Talking to the people I love on the phone.
Finally getting a new cell phone. (Now if only I can talk Jimmy into letting me keep it.)

I hope everyone has a good week.

The right side of Aidan's bad hair cut. 

The back and left side of Aidan's bad hair cut. Howard won't let me try to even it out. He thinks I'll end up shaving it all off. LOL 

Aidan updates.

While Aidan still isn't talking as much as I would expect him to be at 22 months, he did pick up a couple of new words over the Holidays. He says "baby" and "WOW!" I call him baby sometimes, and I'm sure he got the Wow from me while he was opening his presents. He also says "I see." and "See it." So maybe everyone is right and he has just been too busy with other things to worry about talking.

He can climb out of his bed, but doesn't do it often. Thank goodness! He likes to try to sweep, which bothers me because the broom is so long I'm afraid he will knock something down on himself. He understands about reading, and will sit with his books and pretend to read them. Sometimes he points at the words and says "A b c". He brings the books to me so I'll read them to him. Until recently he didn't want to sit still long enough to be read to.

A night of nightmares and tears.

Everything started out Okay. We were at some kind of gathering, we needed somewhere to stay. Mark and Snowanna were with us, but she was only about 4 or 5, there were other members of my family there too, but I can't remember who they were. We discovered that a house that belonged to someone we were related to was available to all of us. So we settled in for the night.

Howard and Aidan were in a room decorated for boys, because Aidan loved it so much. There wasn't enough room in there for me, so I found another room across the ... Parking lot? ... from them. I could see their room from my window. Snowanna decided that she wanted to sleep with me, so she climbed in and snuggled up. When we woke up I showed Snowanna the view.

The scene switched a bit and I'm standing outside. I'm still talking to Snowanna, but she's grown up now. An old family friend we called "Bus" was backing a new white ford pick-up truck out of the ... Drive way? ... when I see Aidan coming around the back of the truck. I get "Bus" to stop and run over to pick Aidan up. I smile and wave at "Bus" as he leaves and waves back. (An aside here, Bus died 20 or so years ago. He loved all the kids, starting with my Dad. He and his wife were not able to have any children of their own.)

After Bus left I put Aidan down, we were at a park or other child oriented location. There where children every where. Aidan was being good and walking on the sidewalk instead of cutting across the parking lot. I was talking to someone, not Snowanna, and watching Aidan walk to his Daddy when this bus like RV pulled into the parking space between us. She was at an odd angle and pulled up onto the curb to try to help straighten it out. I was trying to see Aidan because he was in that area. She started to back up, the front end of her RV was taking out more of the sidewalk. I screamed and yelled at her to stop.

It seemed like forever, but I finally got her to see me and to hear me by banging on the glass door. She stopped. I looked under the RV to see if I could see where Aidan was. The front of the RV had tracks, like a tank, instead of wheels. I saw 3 little girls on the other side. They were staring at the tracks. One of them said "It just ran over his head." I looked at the tracks, there was a small distortion about the size and shape of a little body under the tracks, and I knew that it was Aidan. I screamed and that scream woke me.

The scariest part of the dream is that it's so easy to loose track of where Aidan is. Like most kids his age he is fearless, and he can move very quickly when he wants to. A moments distraction and he's gone to find something else to do. In the dream he was actually doing things the right way, he should have been safe, but he wasn't. It took me almost an hour to be able to think of it without crying again. I couldn't get back to sleep for over two hours, because I kept seeing it all over again. Touching Aidan, alive and sleeping in his own bed helped some. Sitting up at 4 AM to write this all down helped some more. What could this dream be trying to tell me?

The Fun Fur Project.

It's almost as tickely and soft as it looks.

The Fun Fur project, it's going to be a scarf. 

Presents and love.

For me this Holiday Season is all about the love. Family and friends. I, of course, like to get presents and to give them. I did get some interesting gifts this year. Howard and Aidan got me a Crock Pot slow cooker and a Scrapbook kit. Aidan got me 2 balls of bright red Fun Fur yarn because I've been wanting to try it ever since it came out. Howards Aunt gave me some make-up and moisturizer. (I don't use make-up but she is always giving me papers with hints on how to use make-up. LOL) My Parents sent me a Cookbook called "Early American Cookery" and a pair of hand knitted "scuffies" (aka Slippers). But the best gift of all was the Picture Share photos of my Mom with Xander and Snowanna with little DJ that Nicole sent me. I've been feeling kind of lonely and separate from my family and friends so that really brightened my day. The Love I feel for the wonderful people in my family, both blood relations and chosen family, and the love I feel from them is what makes this time of year special for me.

On this day.

Today is my Parents anniversary. If they hadn't gotten divorced for a while it would be their 46th! So I'd like to wish them a Very Happy Anniversary! (They recently got back together and re-committed to each other.)

Today is also the Winter Solstice, some calendar say that it's tomorrow though. So I'd like to wish all my Pagan friends a Peaceful and Happy Solstice.

For those who celebrate Christmas, to you I wish a Joyous and Merry Christmas.

This time of year I think about my family, those who are physically close to me and those far away. I remember those who have passed and the loving times we spent together over the years. I had a fairly calm and very happy childhood. Due for the most part to the family members who loved me, guided me, and allowed me to find my own path. I hope I have been able to pass some of the love to my own children.

For all my family and friends: I Love you, I miss you, and I send my love and best wishes for a Happy Holiday season.

Aidan in his outside toy. 

Life in California

It's been getting pretty cold here in the evenings. Not as cold as my New York friends, but cold for around here. It's been in the lower 30's at night for the last 4 or 5 nights. The highs have been in the 50's and even up into the lower 60's. It wouldn't be bad except that our furnace decided to stop working. I've felt colder at SCA events, but it's still kind of chilly in the house for most of the day. So far I've been able to warm it up a little baking cupcakes and making a roast. Hopefully we can get it fixed in the next few days.

When I see my Doctor, next month, I will have to remember to tell her about the dizzy spells and the balance problems I've had lately. I've had these problems for years, I'll be sitting still and I'll feel dizzy for no reason. But lately it's been more often and for a longer duration. I'm also starting to loose my balance just walking across the room. I can't remember the name of the condition she said could be causing it.

Aidan discovered that if you turn the TV off while it's Muted and then turn it on again it won't be muted any more. I'm still concerned about his language development, I'm sure that he can hear well since he can mimic things he hears. But he still has very few words. He will have a Doctors appointment after his second birthday, so I will talk to his Doctor about it then. Oh, he had his final check up with the surgeon. Everything looks good. He is 35.5 inches tall and 30 pounds.

Another Monday

Some things that make me smile today.

Finally getting the Celtic Knot work blanket in the mail to Snowanna.
Warm, black, fuzzy slippers.
Hearing Aidan laugh a real belly laugh when a bigger boy did tricks to make him laugh.
Thinking of the people I love.
Day dreaming about what I'd do with $60,000,000.

Alignment Quiz.

I found this on a blog I discovered the other day. He's a Riley too. For anyone who doesn't know what this is all about, it's a Dungeons and Dragons Personality alignment chart. If you go and take this little test, the link is at the bottom of the chart below, I'd like to know where you land.

You scored as True Neutral. A True Neutral person has two faces- either these people are merely apathetic, preferring to focus their minds on more important things, or these people truly believe in a balance of all things. To these people, there can be no light without some darkness. These people also have no dedication to, or intrinsic distrust of, laws. True Neutral 70% Lawful Good 65% Chaotic Good 60% Neutral Evil 55% Chaotic Neutral 50% Lawful Neutral 50% Neutral Good 50% Lawful Evil 35% Chaotic Evil 15% What is your Alignment? created with QuizFarm.com

Monday

It's Monday again. And even though I'd prefer to have another week-end day to be able to ignore anything I don't want to deal with, it's not going to happen. So the next best thing for me to do is try to remember some positive things for this chilly Monday morning.

Finding a new digital Camera on sale for a price we can afford.
Remembering a bag of boys clothing and finding 2 pairs of pants and a couple of shirts that will fit Aidan right now.
Discovering that it's not really so hard to drink enough water.
Watching movies on my new, really cheap ($28), DVD player.
Having a cell phone with week-ends free so that I can call my Mom and Nicole and talk as long as I want.
Medication that reduces the pain in my elbows and shoulders.
Watching Aidan dance to almost any music.

Holiday wishes.

Since there are several Holidays celebrated at this time of year, depending on your religious affiliation, I thought this was appropriate. It might or might not be something you want to do.

I got this from Cathy who got it from Michael. He borrowed it from Megan over at Divine Reality who stole it from Gina who took from The Mommy Blog, who stole it from Broken Fairy, and from Janet.

Step One:
Make a post to your weblog/journal. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all,big or small. The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want. If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines.

Step Two:
Surf around your blogroll (or friend's blogrolls, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part: If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it. You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...Wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

My Holiday wish list:

1. Continued health for my Family
2. A Job for Howard. (He is finishing his A+ training.)
3. A rainbow of yarn colors.
4. Airplane tickets to New York to visit Xander, Nicole and Allen.
5. The windows and doors of my house weatherized so that my heating bill will go down.
6. An apartment size washer and dryer, the kind that stack would be good.
7. About $500 cash to pay off my Credit Card.
8. 3 or 4 pairs of jeans for Aidan. (size 2T, used in good condition is perfect.)
9. A new storage shed to put all the things I can't fit into the house in. (The old one is about to fall apart.)
10. A gas stove that works.

6 Years!

I am now the Grandmother of a 6 year old! It doesn't seem like it could be that long already since I heard that my Little Xander had been born. I've missed so much of his life, because we live so far apart. (He is in New York and I am in California) I don't have much money, so I haven't been able to go out to see him, or to bring him out to see me. I'd like to send him memorable gifts, I'd like to sit and talk with him. I know that he has wonderful parents, and for that I am thankful. So today I just want to say:

Happy 6th Birthday Xander!

With love from Grandma.

Another missed Monday

Oops! Somehow yesterday came and went without me hardly noticing. I was busy with the Health Educator and checking out all the details for getting insurance and the title switched for my car. I've found a pretty good deal for insurance, now I have to pay a "deposit" to get a paper that says that the car will be registered to me as soon as I get insurance. Because I can't get the registration until I have insurance and I can't get insurance until I get the registration. I'll also have to get it Smogged, a process I don't know anything about but will probably cost me $100. The tags expire in December, so I'll have to renew that too. I can't get a straight answer from DMV on how much this is going to cost me.

Now my Monday positives:

A good deal on a new DVD player. ($28 )
Having the extra cash to get the third Harry Potter Movie.
Aidan and I are feeling better after a couple of weeks with colds.
I have a plan to loose weight now. All I have to do is DO it. (That's the hard part.)
Allen bought the movie "Supersize Me" while he was here and we watched it, so when the Health Educator said I should rent it I could tell her I'd already seen it.

Holiday Wishes.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I'm cooking dinner at home for Aidan, Howard and myself. It's nothing big, but I think it will be pretty good anyway.

Today I am thankful for:

The ability to cook for my family.
Food to cook.
My tiny, but warm and safe Home.
My family and friends.
This beautiful planet to live on.
My computer.
Knowing how to type well enough I can do it one handed while I hold Aidan who for some reason needs to sit on my lap RIGHT NOW!
Did I mention, My family? All of them, those who are close as well as those who are far away.
Oh and my friends, did I mention them? The people who like to talk to me just because they like me.
Thank you everyone! For being there for me if I need you. I wish you all a wonderful day!

Ears, nose and throat problems.

Well, it looks like I might be sick for Thanksgiving. My throat is starting to hurt, and my ears are painful as well. I've been coughing a lot lately and now my chest aches from it. My nose can't decide if it's going to be runny or clogged up. I'm starting to get that feverish feeling. In a way being sick is a good thing, I won't have to decide whether or not to go to Howard's Aunt's house for the family gathering. Two of the younger set are getting divorced and so probably won't be there, and my Mother-in-law might show up for a little while as well. I just feel the need to have Thanksgiving with just my own little family for a change. But, if I am feeling better and if Howard wants to go I'll go.

Doctors and health issues.

I had a Doctor's appointment last week. The bursitis in my elbows is better, but still a minor problem. I've also developed it in my left shoulder. My back problems are probably because of my weight. I'm about 150 pounds over weight. I can't believe that I've gotten so heavy. I've been working on reducing my portion sizes at meals, I've cut down on the sugar and the fat. And yet I've still gained about 8 pounds in 4 months. So I had blood work done today to check cholesterol and sugar levels and other things. Last year everything was really good, all the levels were perfect. I'm hoping that the same is true this time. Next week I'll be seeing a Health Ed. Specialist, who will help me with diet and exercise. I think Howard and I should go for a walk every afternoon when we get home. I pick him up at 4:30, so we would have an hour or two before dinner to walk. I don't think I'll do it alone, I need the encouragement and walking with someone is much more interesting than walking alone. I won't know until January what the results of the tests are, unless the Health Ed. Specialist can request them, then we might get the results sooner. So, I'm feeling kind of depressed about my weight, but I also feel that things are looking up for me as well.

Monday Positives

Getting in early for blood tests, so that I didn't have to wait too long.
Getting a referral to a Health Ed. Specialist who will help me figure out how to loose all this weight.
Hope for finding an exercise program that I can stick to.
Educational Websites that have ideas for things to do with toddlers.
As always, my wonderful family and friends who love me anyway.

Something my New York friends might understand.

I came across this Blog entry today. I found it through a link on The Zero Boss for The Diarist awards. This entry made me laugh and I wanted to shake this persons hand. It's up for an award as a comedic entry. I hope, if you read it, you will like it as much as I did.

An explanation of my love.

My husband, Howard, and I are so different in so many ways that I'm sure people wonder why we are together. I've been thinking of this a lot lately. Probably because of Allen's visit.

Some of the differences are:

1. His family is Lower Middle Class, and mine is Upper Middle to Lower Upper Class. This shows up most strongly in our language usage and our attitudes about education.
2. He was a bully of sorts in school, I tried to not be noticed.
3. He got into a lot of trouble, I seldom did things that would get me in trouble.
4. He drank and did drugs a lot when he was younger, I was never that interested in them and didn't know where to get drugs even if I wanted to.
5. He was in the Military, I'm a "Peace-ifist".
6. People say he is Rude and Crude, and while I may have my moments no one has said that of me.
7. He is bold and adventurous, I'd rather stay at home and be safe and warm.

I hope that I can explain clearly enough why I love him so very much.

When we first met it was Lust at first sight. I was instantly attracted to him on a purely physical level. We spent almost every day and night together for 2 weeks after that. I felt well taken care of. He asked me to marry him then. I agreed, but decided on a date 2 years in the future. We moved in together and right away I could see how much I needed him. I hate discord, and I never "rock the boat", but I needed to get some control over the young people who where staying in my apartment. I loved them all, they were friends of my two sons and were like my own kids in a lot of ways, but they didn't do chores, and they didn't do anything else to help out either. Howard took charge, because I couldn't, and set down some rules. Those who couldn't or wouldn't follow those rules left. My life was so much easier after that.

When there were emotional things I had to go through, such as the death of my Grandmother, he was there to allow me to fall apart, to cry and mourn. Until then I had always felt that I needed to be strong for others, that I couldn't cry and fall apart. It's so comforting to know that I could allow myself to be weak and to know that he still loved me and would be there to help me pick up the pieces.

No matter what it is that I want to do, Howard is supportive of it. He will do anything he can to help me do what I want to do. He may not agree with it, but he will still do what he can to help me. For example: He took the whole week off when Allen came to visit to make sure that we didn't have to worry about getting him to school or home. He also will work extra for Jimmy to pay for the trips over to San Francisco.

There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me as he has never loved anyone else. He is changing his language, cleaning it up so to speak. Part of that is because of Aidan, but even before Aidan was born he was using fewer curse words and the off handed way he sometimes used slurs had already started to change. He is less judgmental about other people now than he was before. This is because he knows it bothers me and is making an effort to curb it so as not to cause me any discomfort. He tries to keep things at least polite when talking with people I care about. He even kept the testosterone levels down while Allen was here, both of them were very nice and polite with each other. (Thank you Allen.)

I have also grown. I'm much more likely to stand up for myself than I was before. I feel free to say or do what I feel is the right thing and I don't worry so much about how others will feel about me when I do. I have far to go but I know that he will be there to help me up if I fall, and that he will let me fall sometimes because I need to learn from it.

I feel loved and cherished in every way. My heart still skips a beat when I see Howard or hear his voice. Our sex life is still interesting even after 7 years. (Howard's longest relationship before me was just over 1 year.) I'd rather be with him at home than anywhere else without him. I know that if I do have to go somewhere without him he will be at home when I get back. He is a wonderful Daddy for Aidan, he is showing a soft side that most people don't know about. He respects me even when he disagrees with me.

I'm not trying to say that everything is easy or that we always get along. We disagree a lot of the time, sometimes we debate the subject. We fuss and fight with each other just like other people do. It seldom goes farther than a few angry words. And the few times that one of us actually hurt the others feelings we were able to discuss it later and figure out why and how so we wouldn't do it again.

I could wish for more money, a bigger house, more things. But I don't think I could get much happier.

Monday Morning Positives.

It's hard to believe that it's Monday again already! Howard was home all week, because he took time off to be here while Allen was visiting and then Thursday was a Holiday and he doesn't have class on Fridays. It was really nice for Aidan to be able to spend time with his Daddy. They really miss each other when they don't get time together every day.

I'm thinking about Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what we will do this year, but we will be together and will probably go visit some family. So I thought I'd try to think of the things I'm truly thankful for to use as my Positives this week.

I am Thankful for:

My family, who love us regardless of our past miss deeds. (An example: My Brother Cody and his Wife Kelly would love to see Allen on a regular basis if he should move to the San Francisco Area to go to school. Even though the last time he went to visit with them he was quite a bit of trouble. This is so unlike Allen's Dad's family who pretend that Allen and Christopher don't even exist. Just because of the trouble they got into as youngsters.)

My life. Even though we don't have much that money can buy, I'm very happy with my life as it is. Some people might not think we are doing very well, because we have bills that need to be paid and our house is old and run down. But I get to stay home with Aidan and watch him grow. We own our little mobile home. We have a lot of love around here. Oh we fuss and even sometimes fight, but in the end we have lots of love here. We have enough to eat, and usually enough money to pay our bills and get a few extras.

Our health. For the most part we are pretty healthy. Aidan catches a cold now and then, but has been really sick only once in his 21 months. Howard and I each have our problems, mainly because of age. (Yes, I'm finally getting older, but I refuse to grow up!) But the problems we have are easily dealt with.

My extended family and friends. These people are there for us when ever I need them. They might not have much to share, but they will share what they have. They support me in my decisions even when they don't agree, and seldom say "I told you so." When they were right and I was wrong. (I love you guys so very much!)

Having the chance to know my sons as they grow up. I don't actually get to talk to Christopher very much, but Allen keeps in touch. He is a wonderful young man, I'm very proud of him. Not because I did anything to be proud of, but because he has grown into a good man. He is someone I'd like to be friends with even if he weren't my child. And of course Aidan is lots of fun to know. He just put clapping and cheering together with something good happened. Now when he sees something on TV or out the window that makes him particularly happy he claps his hands, then raises his hand or hands over his head and says "Yahoo!" He brightens even the darkest days.

Finally, I'm thankful that I have this computer, the internet, and the ability to create this blog. It's a way to keep track of things in my life, for myself and those I love who live so far from me. I may not be much of a creative writer but this is an outlet for me. I'm also thankful for everyone who stops by and reads my blog, Thank you people!

Updates

Today I woke up and the pain in the calves of my legs is almost gone! It was like having cramps in both legs at the same time until yesterday, and now it's only a little uncomfortable. I never expected it to be such a problem.

I'm also almost caught up with the house work that got left undone after I strained my back trying to move a dresser without taking things off of it or out of it. There for awhile I couldn't stand to wash dishes for more than 15 minutes at a time. (I was already behind because of catching a flu virus the week before.) I couldn't walk for more than 45 minutes. The first day I was almost normal was Sunday when we were in San Francisco. I've done all the pots and pans, and most of the other things. I fill up the dish drainer and then sit down to allow my back to rest. Then, if Aidan is still asleep, I put away the clean dishes and do some more. I've never been a very good house keeper. I am trying to do better, but there is always something else I want to do instead and I can't always resist.

I need to ask Allen if he will send me the pictures we took with his camera while he was here. He got some of Buddy and Psycho Cat, the house and I got some of him and Aidan together. I missed the opportunity to take any of them sitting in the chair together. They were so cute! Both of them handsome blue eyed boys that I love with all my heart.

I'm knitting a sock. Well, it will probably be a pair of socks eventually. It appears to be a fairly simple pattern. It's on 2 straight needles, rather than the 4 double pointed or a circular pair, so I will have to sew a back seam, but I think it will be ok. I have some yarn that my Mom gave me years ago, it's a dusty purple color, I'm not sure what it's made of, most likely it's acrylic. I'll probably wear them around the house, because they will be too bulky to wear with shoes. I'm also looking at patterns for hats and scarves, as well as mittens, to use up left over yarn, and found balls from a couple of estate clearances, and some yarn that my Mom had when she moved from her house to an RV.

My visit with Allen.

I had a wonderful visit with Allen. We decided to bring him home with us after all. It was nice to have him here. Even though the place was a mess, and I was a little embarrassed by just how "trailer trash" my house is. Oh well, I think he had a nice time anyway.

Aidan attached to Allen right away, they sat together in my chair and watched TV for a little while. I tired out my legs walking around Sunday. I'm not used to walking for so long at a stretch and then we went down and then back up a fairly steep hill. I am SO out of shape. LOL

I only regret that we didn't have longer together. Aidan and I miss Allen very, very much. Aidan was angry with me for leaving Allen at the Airport. I took a few pictures, but couldn't find my digital camera, so I'll have to wait until I can get my film developed to show you how Allen and Aidan looked together. Or maybe Allen will send me some of the ones we took with his digital camera.

We drove a total of almost 700 miles and spent about $100 on gas. We drove around San Francisco and Berkeley Sunday which took up a lot of the gas. The trip home on Sunday I think we took the longest possible route. I know that it took 3 gallons of gas more than the trip over did. I was so tired Tuesday, when we came home I hardly moved out of my chair until bed time. I miss Allen more now than I did before he came to see me, probably because it had been about 3 or so since I'd seen him. I wish we could live closer together, it would be good for me both emotionally and physically. If I could regularly walk for an hour and a half with Allen or someone else I could enjoy talking to it would help me loose weight. And I'd get to have time with my son.

Healing words for after the election.

For all of you who are still feeling hurt by the election results, (Or betrayed, or angry, or scared) here is a link to a sermon that Catawampus heard at her church this last Sunday. I think that all of you should at a moment and read what she has to say.

Short vacation.

Tomorrow we are going to go to San Francisco to see Allen. I was worried that Allen had changed his plans and forgot to let me know, because he said he'd call me before he left New York and he didn't, I found out that he lost his cell phone. He called me earlier today, and we will make arrangements as to where to meet tomorrow when Allen gets out of his tour. We plan to stay over there until Tuesday. It will be a nice little vacation. We don't have a lot of money, but I think we have enough for gas and a Motel 6 room. But probably not much more than that. I'll also get to see Megan and her new Lady Love. It will be nice, I haven't seen Megan for a couple of year now. Anyway I'll be gone for the Monday Positives, so I'll do them now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I get to see Allen!
I get to see Megan!
I talked to my Mom on the phone today, everything is OK up in Oregon.
Aidan is saying more things that I can understand.
I found some interesting Free Knit patterns on the Lion website. (I don't have a link sorry.)
I'm going to San Francisco!

Proof of voting.

Aidan wearing his "I voted" sticker.
In Shylah's blog, Simply Shylah, she mentioned taking a picture of yourself with your "I voted" sticker, I've never been good at taking pictures of myself, but since Aidan got one while we were there I took one of him instead. The sticker itself is washed out, but I think you can still tell what it is.

Our Tree.

Our tree now that it's fall.
I don't know why they do this to this particular type of tree, I'm not even sure what kind of tree it is. But every fall they cut off all the limbs. This IS the same tree as the picture I posted before.

Another little Red Dragon. 

Day after Halloween Pictures.  

One Halloween Picture.

My little Red Dragon!

The color is off, it was taken with the cheap-old-needs to be replaced digital camera in the house, but I guess a slightly green child is ok for Halloween. LOL I'm going to try to take some new ones this afternoon and hope that they will turn out ok. I'll post any that turn out later.

Vocabulary

For those of you who have, or think you have, a large vocabulary and for those who have a pretty good vocabulary I think you should check out this little Vocabulary Test I only got 147 out of 200, how well will you do?

Monday Positives

My friend Solomon's birthday is today!
Happy Birthday Solomon!
The weather finally feels like Autumn. Last night was very much like Halloween back home.
I'll be seeing Allen next week!
The Celtic knotwork baby blanket it finally finished! Pictures to be posted soon!

Happy Halloween!

10 Scary things.

1. Young children, say under 13, and uncontrolled water, rivers or lakes.
2. The thought of loosing Aidan, Allen, Christopher or Xander.
3. The way people drive in the rain here in California.
4. House Fires.
5. Guns.
6. Being trapped within my own head. Nonfunctional body with perfectly functioning mind unable to do anything.
7. The way some people treat their children.
8. The fact that some people even have children.
9. The thought of waking up next to a dead man.
10. Anything that includes unexpected pain. Pain that I haven't been prepared for.

Several of those things have been dreams over the years. Loosing the kids I love, and kids near water are recurring dreams for me. I've dreamed of loosing Allen and Christopher in rivers and lakes and not being able to get to them. It's scary enough that I can't relax when I'm at a river or lake and there are any kids there. I've also dreamed that my husband had died during the night while we were sleeping. I used to think that I wanted to die in my sleep until I thought of how my husband would feel waking up next to a dead body.

House fires, guns and the way Californians drive in the rain (at least the ones around here) are all also related to injury of the people I love. Although I think that I'd really hate to die by burning, I'm more afraid of a fire killing people I love.

Fears for myself are a little harder, I would really hate to be trapped in my own head unable to communicate with others. Thinking of pain I'm not prepared for is a little scary as well. My children were born by c-section, the thought of natural child birth and the pain I know nothing about is scary to me.

I find spiders to be creepy, but not scary. The same with snakes.

Monday Positives

Taking a nap when Aidan does.
The Celtic Knot work baby blanket is almost finished.
Reconnecting with the SCA.
Thoughts of returning to Oregon, to live, in the near future.
RAIN! Beautiful, wet, life giving rain! Finally!
Exclamation points to let people who read this blog know just how excited I am about something.

There is a well worded entry about the Gay Marriage issue in this blog. Blurbomat . I wish I could find the book I have that talks about Same Sex Marriages / relationships through the ages. I remember reading that until recently marriage was not a religious thing. (recent being in the last couple of hundred years or so.) I will have to search through my many boxes of things and find it. I know it's here somewhere because I've seen it since we moved to California.

Monday Positives.

Even though I wasn't feeling well, my birthday week-end was very nice. I spent it doing pretty much nothing but playing with Aidan and watching movies with Howard.

It actually started to rain! The highs are going to be around 70 or so for the next few days, and it will probably rain a little bit as well. I'm so happy!

The end of my head cold is finally in sight. I'm feeling so much better today, although not completely recovered.

Even though my DVD player decided to break down, Howard had already installed a program which allows us to play a movie on the computer and watch it on the TV.

My sweet husband washed all the dishes, and set up Aidan's new twin size bed. Just because I was feeling yucky and it was my birthday week-end. I know how much he hates washing dishes so it was a really big deal especially since I had fallen behind because of being sick for 3 days.

I talked to Snowanna yesterday. It sounds like she has things worked out pretty well. She and David are going to school through an internet school, which allows them to do things at their own pace and lets them stay at home with little DJ. It looks like David can graduate this school year, and Snowanna could graduate next school year. Both ahead of schedule. Then they plan to go to Community College, he wants to be an EMT, and she wants to be a juvenile Parole Officer. She is studying Spanish so that, maybe she will be able to qualify for bi-lingual status. I think she can do this, she is smart enough, and strong enough. She just has to keep with it, even when it gets hard. And it will get hard.

Happy Birthday to Me!

That's right, today is my birthday. How old am I, you ask? I'm 45. Yup, 45 years old. My age isn't an issue with me. The fact that I have a 25 year old son and a 22 year old son is an issue for me. How did they get so old? Wasn't it just last week that they were only 5 and 8? I feel much older being the mother of a 25 year old than I do being 45. Oh, and having a Grandson who is going to turn 6 in December! That makes me feel pretty old too. I love them all so much. I know that many parents feel like their kids grow up too fast, that time flashes by so quickly. I can't imagine how old my Mother must feel today. LOL

Today I'm just sitting around, resting. Because I've been kind of sick the last few days. I had a migraine last night and ended up throwing up just before I went to bed. Before that I felt sick for a few days, but didn't actually throw up. I also had a stiff back for most of the week. But today I feel much better, just a little tired.

Yesterday we put a twin size bed in Aidan's room. It just barely fits. We have the mattress and box springs set on edge against the wall for the time being. I have to decide what to do with my big old dresser. It's 19 inches deep so it's going to be a challenge. But I'm thinking about where I can squeeze it in. Tomorrow I'll move it, if I actually figure out where to put it. (Oh just in case you were wondering, Aidan is 20 months old as of the 14th. He's growing up pretty fast too!)

A swarm of tidal waves dream.

This was another dream where I was me, but not me somehow. I was living in a coastal community, maybe in Hawaii.

I had long straight dark hair, like a Hawaiian woman. Howard was not Howard and was also Hawaiian, and both of us were very young.

We were standing on the deck of his parents house looking out at the ocean. The house was atop a cliff over a beach. It was a very beautiful setting. Off to the right the cliff curved and shortened, so just that it eventually merged with the beach. We watched the children playing on the beach and the waves coming in. Then we noticed that the water was receding (like people describe it doing just before a tidal wave.) People ran up the path to the top of the cliff and watched a wave wash over a section of the beach.

Then, at what now seems like an unhurried pace, the water receded again, and another wave came crashing in a bit closer. People were talking about what they were going to do when the waves came to our part of the beach.

My husbands parents closed up their house, because it was built to sustain a tidal wave, and they would be safe in it. My Hubby and I decided to get our surf boards and try to ride the wave. Somehow I got separated from him and couldn't find him again. I also couldn't find my surf board. The wave was coming in so I swam to a ship or houseboat made from a Navy ship. I got in just in time to feel the wave rock the boat a little and then it was gone. I went back to my in-laws house, they had some cracked windows but that was all the damage they had. Some how they had gathered several children and we had to find their parents. Throughout all of this I was angry and worried about my husband.

In all we saw 4 waves. There didn't seem to be any real hurry about things, no fear, just excitement and wonder. The third one hit our area of the beach.

Monday morning positives

I'm happy that I didn't give myself a concussion when I forgot that the ceilings in this house are very low and flicked the sheet to straighten it out and ended up bringing down the whole fixture, breaking the bulb and giving myself a lump the size of a mouse ball in the center of my forehead.

I'm happy that my brothers are doing well after their separate medical experiences.

I'm happy that Aidan is growing up well and learning many things, even if one of them is climbing out of his bed which means that we will have to get him a new bed that won't be a falling hazard for him.

I am happy that Aidan's first adventure being awake and out of bed before anyone else led him to my room where he tried to tickle our toes with his chilly little fingers. He could have gone into the kitchen and tried to make breakfast, or dumped the trash, or satisfied his curiosity about the things under the sink.

The weather here is sunny, and warm. It's been in the lower 80's for about a week now. It's finally cooling off!! Yeah!

A weeks worth of posts, well maybe.

I'm sorry I've been so lax on keeping up with this. Aidan and I had a stomach bug or something. He threw up Tuesday night, Wednesday morning and that afternoon. By Thursday he was back to normal. I did throw up, but felt like it all day Wednesday and Thursday. I'm feeling pretty well today.

Not much progress has been made on the Baby blanket. Between feeling ill and my elbows hurting, I just couldn't do it.

Oh yeah! One really good thing did happen this week! On Sunday Howard and Jimmy gave me an early Birthday present. (My birthday is the 16th) It is a 1987 Dark Brown Cadillac DeVille. It's in beautiful shape, runs perfectly, and is much appreciated. The public transportation system around here sucks. It's worse than Salem in a lot of ways. Some things are within walking distance, but with the hot weather I haven't been able to go anywhere. Now I can go pick up milk when I need it. I don't feel so tied down to the house now either.

My sister-in-law brought some of Garrett's old cloths down for Aidan. Garrett is 10 months older than Aidan so it still works out well. There are some really nice things in there. Some of them where probably pretty expensive. Aidan is pretty well set for the next few months anyway, maybe even a year or more.

Howard got me "The Sims 2" I'm trying to learn how to play it now. It's more complicated than the original, some of it is easier, but some of it is harder. The frustrating thing about it, for me, is the build mode. It is harder to use than the old one. Buying and placing furniture is frustrating as well. I'm getting better, and will soon have my house built and furnished so that my family, sisters named Bridget and Arowyn O'Riley, can start their lives. I only play for a couple of hours in the after noon, and since Aidan is usually up, those hours are interrupted to play with him and keep him out of trouble. He likes the game too though so he will sometimes sit on my lap and watch. In the evenings, after Aidan is sleeping and if Howard is out working with Jimmy, I might play a little more. But usually Howard is home and that is his computer time.

Snowanna's son is here!

Little David Michael was born on Wednesday September 29 th! I've seen a few pictures of him and he looks so cute! He has lots of dark hair. I don't have all the details such as his weight and length yet, because my phone has been out of order for the last few days. It's working now, so maybe I'll get a call soon. If not I'll call my Mom after 9 tonight or tomorrow morning depending on what happens around here. I'm so excited! I'm a GREAT-AUNT! Now I have to really hurry on that baby blanket for him! Sorry for all the exclamation points, did I say that I'm EXCITED!

(edited to add:)


"David Michael was born Sept 29 around 1 pm, I believe. She had to have him Cesearian, as he was getting too tired. She did extremely well during the delivery and all, while I was there a few of the nurses came in telling her how wonderfully she did. The baby was 9lbs 4oz, 21 inches long. His chest was 18 inches across, and his head 11inches. They took his footprints and handprints while I was there, and he wasn't exactly happy about it. He just wanted to sleep! They had induced Snowanna the day before, and she was in labor for almost 24 hours - from the time she called to say she was being induced until the time she had him, it was almost 24 hours. She
should get to come home on Saturday, Mark and I are going to pick her up."

Thank you Eileen for all the details! In case you missed it, Eileen is my brother Mark's fiance. She also told me some other good news, Mark is doing well after his surgery. I am so glad that she is there for Mark and to help keep me up to date on things.

I guess I'm a Spyro-Graph.

What Childhood Toy from the 80's Are You? I didn't get the code copied and now the site isn't responding. Oh well. It's a Quizzilla quiz. Just something silly. I'll try later and see if I can get the description of me and you can decide if it fits or not.

(Edited to add:)

You're a Spirograph!! You're pretty tripped out,
even though you've been known to be a bit
boring at times. You manage to serve your
purpose in life while expending hardly any
effort (and are probably stoned to the gills
all the while).


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This and that.

I've been very tired lately. I think it's allergies for the most part. But I think that my bursitis medication isn't working as well as it used to, resulting in less restful sleep because of the pain. I've got to make an appointment with my Doctor and see what else, if anything, can be done.

The Celtic knotwork blanket is taking a long time to get done. I'm thinking of making only 2 knotwork panels and one seed stitch panel. That shouldn't take very long to do. Then I'll do the edging and get Snowanna's new address and get it off in the mail.

Aidan says something that sounds like a cross between 'mice' and 'ace'. He is trying to say 'nice'. He says it when he is petting the cat, as a reminder to himself to pet her nice and gentle. LOL He still tends to be a little rough with her, with out meaning to be. He says 'tee-tee' for kitty. I think I'm listening better now, it must have been (and still probably is) frustrating for him. His favorite word right now is 'What?' but he never says it just once. It's always 'What? What?' He uses it mostly when we ask him what he is doing, or when I go check on him and he is doing something he thinks he shouldn't be doing.

Pieces and flashes of a dream.

It was another dream that involved some kind of secret. I was doing secret things, hiding from some people, running, but none of it seemed to be truly "bad". Some times I had Aidan with me, sometimes I was alone. There were even times when I wasn't even me. I wish I could remember more, because it was interesting and fun.

Later I had another dream. I was back in college, but I was only 22. (For those of you who don't know me, I went to college later in life. I was a 30 year old freshman.) I still had my kids, all three of them, but they seem to have been triplets or something because they were all about 2. I was single, but that didn't seem to make any difference. Or maybe my Husband just didn't show up in my dream. Anyway, I was studying Anthropology, Art, and American Sign Language. As is typical in some of my dreams, I seemed to have enough time to study, play with the kids, go on picnics, go to class, get A's and still sleep 8 or 9 hours every night. This dream was more of a slice of life type thing. No chases, or monsters, not even any sex. The only reason I'm mentioning it is because it's the only dream I've remembered more than just flashes of in months.