I've been thinking...

... that I can forgive the people I love for almost anything.

There are of course things that could be called unforgivable. I think most of us have similar lists, but there are things that I could forgive that maybe you couldn't.

Anyway, I was thinking about my family and the frustrations, misunderstandings, angry words, and even out right lies that have passed between us. Some things that have passed between me and members of my family wouldn't be forgiven if it had been a friend, in fact the friendship might even be lost. (I'm including family by choice here, they can get away with things even blood relatives sometimes can't.) There are members of the family that I'd rather not talk to right now. I'll probably get past it eventually, because I do still love these people. I can only hope that they feel the same way about me.

I'd like to spend more time with some of my family, but either we just don't connect (too busy with our own lives), or they are holding something against me, Aidan or Howard. I THINK it's because we just don't seem to be able to manage to make the arrangements unless someone else makes them for us. None of us are good at calling, writing or e-mailing each other. That's why I like these blogs, it lets me keep in touch with people. Some who read here have blogs I also read, others don't have blogs at all (that I know of anyway).

So do you forgive easily? Or does it take a lot to get back into your good graces?

My adorable Great-nephew.

I've been reminded that I haven't posted many pictures of my adorable Great-nephew. Part of it was because he isn't my child and I didn't want to post pictures of him and then have Snowanna upset with me about it. But since she was the one who mentioned it I guess it's okay so I'm going to post a few of my favorites.

This one was taken back in September, not long after I came down from Hood River. They were playing together just moments before I took the picture. DJ saw the camera and stopped playing, Aidan didn't notice.

This is one of the best, even though his face is dirty. But I just love the smile and his beautiful eyes.

A very dirty face! But you can see how happy he was and is.

This was DJ's birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. I wish his face wasn't kind of blurred. He wanted me to take this picture, because he really liked the bus

So there we go. I don't have many more recent photos, because Snowanna is pretty busy these day so we don't get to see each other often. I should have taken some today when we were at her house or when we were at dinner, but ... well there isn't really any excuse, I'm just tired and didn't do it. Maybe next time.

Oh, I don't think I've mentioned it before but Snowanna is pregnant again! I'm really happy for her, because she wanted her second child not to be too much younger than DJ. She is having a girl, sometime in July I believe. I would love to see them more often, once or twice a week would be good for me. Now that Aidan isn't with DJ all the time he is better able to play with him without problems. Both boys were SO very well behaved today, I was really proud of them.

Little boy updates.

The Boy is sick again. Poor little guy. He spent most of last night throwing up, and most of today sleeping and throwing up. I hope that he will sleep tonight, he usually does if he sleeps during the day because of illness.

I'm feeling fine, a bit tired from being up with the Boy all night. I did get a bit of a nap after Howard woke up this morning, but 8 hours of interrupted sleep just isn't the same for me as 8 hours of continuous sleep.

Other things are fine around here right now. It's the last few days before payday so we are getting short on a few things, but Friday morning Howard will be bringing home his paycheck and we will be able to take care of all that. I'll also have to get some carpet cleaning spray to spot the carpet where "accidents" happened.

Oh and we had some success yesterday with potty training. Until now the Boy has refused to even try to use the potty, he knew how but didn't want to. So anyway we were taking him in every half an hour and giving him star stickers when he actually peed or pooped. He was really getting into it. Today ... well things are on hold again, until his tummy stops hurting.

3 Wishes.

Now that the April Fools have finished their yearly jokes, have I mentioned that I really dislike April Fools Day?, I can be fairly sure that my posts will be taken seriously. :)

On one of the Flickr! groups I belong to someone asked: If you were given 3 wishes, but you could only use them for YOUR child, what would you wish. (World peace was ruled out as it would be a wish for ALL children.) So I'll ask you, What 3 wishes would you wish for your child? If you have more than one child you can either wish 3 things for all of them, or make 3 wishes for each individually. I'll post my three wishes for my kids, all 3 wishes will fit well for all 3 of my boys, sometime later this week. I don't want to influence any of you too much or cause you to not wish something because it's too close to what I wished.

To all my Blogging friends.

Do you have blogs you visit regularly? I do, and it's not that I'm upset that some of them haven't had anything to say lately but I get worried when it's been months since the last entry. I know that these people have their own lives, and that their blog isn't their first priority. I just miss hearing from them. Many of them I don't know IRL, and those I do know ... well we don't seem to be all that good at keeping touch on the phone or even with e-mail. I'll admit it, I'm a bit of a worrier. I'll get over it. But, hey, if you are one of the bloggers I like to read and you haven't blogged in a while, I'd really appreciate it if you'd check in and let your readers know you are still alive and well. Thanks.

Aidan stuff

Aidan loves books. He always wants to go to the book store and wants to bring home at least one book every time we visit. Luckily for us we have a used book store just up the block, we can get nice new books, and gently used books for good prices. Plus they have a free box or sometimes boxes that they put out every day, we have come across some really good books there, but they are usually worn or marked on or have something else wrong with them, not usually something that would make them useless. I'm very happy that he likes books so much, now I just have to get him to understand that he shouldn't write in them.

Aidan is talking more and more these days, you still can't have a conversation with him (But I think that is close), but he talks in complete sentences, and his pronunciation is very good. Last Sunday Aidan was playing in his room, he came out and said "I'm Tarzan!"

I said "You are Tarzan? Happy to meet you." We shook hands and he ran back to his room to play some more. I was talking to my Mom on the phone at the time.

He came back a little later and said "You are Tarzan."

"I am? No, I'm Mama."

"No, you are Tarzan's Mama." And off he went back to play.

Just before I was finished talking with my Mom he came back and said "You're too late."

"Too late for what?"

"You are just too late." He went back to his room. After I finished talking to my Mom, about 3 minutes or so later, I went to check on Aidan. He was laying in his bed with his little Thomas "Laptop computer" Game on the bed next to him, he was sound asleep. LOL I guess I was too late to put him to bed.

On Tuesday we went to the Goodwill clothing by the pound store, we found a really nice sleeping bag a few towels, and two shirts for Aidan. We also found a book that Aidan loves, and a large suitcase with wheels. We packed the suitcase with our stuff to bring home. Yesterday we went to the grocery store, and took the suitcase to carry the groceries home in. Aidan decided that he wanted to ride in the suitcase rather than the stroller. Howard let him do it so it was up to him to pull the suitcase full of child. It was funny when people noticed his feet hanging out and when we passed a restaurant with Aidan's legs sticking out. (He was holding them straight out so that his shoes didn't drag on the sidewalk.) There was a group of little old ladies sitting at window table and we could see them pointing at us. I wondered what they were thinking. LOL On the way home to suitcase was full of good so Aidan couldn't ride in it, he decided to walk beside his Daddy and "help" pull the heavy suitcase. Those ladies were still at the table and recognised us, they smiled and waved at us.

Dear Sister Friend.

I'm sorry that I didn't comment before. I couldn't remember my password, and now it tells me that you are not using that feature? Oh well, I'll tell you here want I would have said there.

Just because it wasn't permanent doesn't mean it wasn't real. You may still find the "perfect" person for you, it sometimes takes us a long time to understand what that perfect person is really like. Anyway, I love you and want only the best for you. I wish I could hug you right now, even though we didn't hug much when we were together more often.

Am I wrong?

I'm actually enjoying life without a car. Howard, however, hates it. He's hitch hiking to work and back every night.

I think a car is too expensive, gas, insurance, and up keep.

He wants us to get a car, and for me to drive him to work and back everyday.

The problem is, Aidan is on an early day schedule, getting up between 6 and 8 every morning. He goes to bed about 8:30 each night. I would have to get him out of bed about 5 or 6 hours after he goes to sleep. Drive the 45 minutes or so to the Casino, and wait for Howard to be finished. Then drive home, get Aidan to bed and try to catch a couple of hours sleep before he wakes up. I'll be spending all day taking care of Aidan and catching what little sleep I can. I wouldn't have any time to work, because I would have to sleep whenever Aidan does, just to function at half normal.

Howard thinks that's fair, since I want him to go to work every day, I like having the pay check to take care of bills, and I can sleep whenever Aidan does.

I think it's crazy, and not likely to work for long.

What I want to do is wait until we can pay off the tickets that we have to pay in order to get his O.D.L. re-instated. It's only about $1486, so we should be able to take care of it relatively quickly.

Then he can get a car, and drive himself to work.

It's his choice that he works nights, he told his bosses that he wouldn't take a day schedule no matter what. It would be easier if he did, we would have so much more time together, Aidan would get to see his Dad some times, and I could drive him both ways with out any problems.

I know that walking and hitching to work and home isn't a good situation for him. I wish I could wave a magic wand and get everything taken care of. But I also need to think of myself. I promised myself that I won't let anyone walk all over me any more, not even the people I love.

Aidan is a product of the modern world.

Today Howard found an old Disney "Snow White" book that came with a record with songs from the original sound track. It was published in 1977. It looks like it's in pretty good condition, but has obviously been used. Some writing on the book for example.

Aidan saw it while we were talking about it, and wanted to have it. So we gave it to him and he took the record to the DVD player and wanted to "Watch it, Daddy, please." It was very hard to convince him that you can't play a record on a DVD player. LOL We don't have a record player at all, I might be able to find one at Goodwill or something though. We will see. We hid the book and the record as soon as Aidan was distracted enough to forget about it for a few moments. I hope he doesn't remember it until we can actually play the record, if we ever can.

The ugly blister

On Sunday night I was draining the water off potatoes I wanted to make into mashed potatoes, I have one of those pots with the lid with little holes in it so you can use it to drain things, when somehow boiling water spilled out over the index finger on my left hand. I hurt, but not all that much. I finished making dinner without any more problems. My finger was very red in the area I had scalded. Monday morning I noticed tiny little blisters in the scalded area. By Monday afternoon the tiny blisters had merged into one big blister. It has continued to get bigger a little every day. Now it takes up the whole scaled area. It's really quite an impressive blister, even if I have to say so myself. I don't think I can describe it adequately so here are a couple of pictures.

Ugly isn't it?

I've been advised to let it break on it's own, and then use a burn bandage on it until it's healed. I got 2nd Skin Moist Burn Pads.

Just stuff

I've had this horrible cough for three days, there is a tickle in my throat that starts it. Cough drops, water and other cough/cold medications don't do much to help it. I've coughed so much lately that my throat feels like it's been cut or torn. My diaphragm is sore from the extreme force that these coughing spells sometimes create. I coughed so much the other day it almost made me throw up.

Aidan's nose is still running, and he is coughing too. But I think his cough is because of all the buggers draining down his throat.

Other than that things are going along fairly well around here. Our insurance started on the first, so we can go to the Doctor when ever we need to. I've got to get the correct paperwork to get some assistance for paying the premiums, it's costing us $230 every pay check. The assistance program will pay about 90% for us. This particular program is a State of Oregon things, anyone who lives in Oregon can get this assistance, if they need it to get insurance. It's all based on your income, and family size.

Small problems.

We finally got over the flu or whatever it was. And now I have a head cold. The kind of head cold that makes you whole head feel stuffed with something thick and heavy. My ears feel itchy/tender, and my nose keeps filling up, but isn't runny.

I made an accounting mistake with the checking account and will now have to pay a late fee for the rent. I'm only $40 off, luckily payday is the 9th so I'll be able to get it to them only 4 days late. It's a $50 fee. Next time I'll get the money order for the rent first, then go shopping.

Aidan has an "ouchie" in his mouth. I can't see anything, but it keeps waking him up. I asked if it was his mouth or his teeth, and he was very sure it's his mouth. He won't take anything to help with the pain either. (sigh)

I made cornbread tonight, and somehow got the bottom burned while not quite cooking the center fully. Maybe it's the oven or the pan I used, or I did something else messed up. If you cut off the burnt part it's pretty good though.

Trying something new.

I'm not sure if this is going to work or not. It's just a little something to let me know if anyone is reading here or not. I'm not really concerned about it, it just sounded like fun. But it's turning into more trouble than I thought it would.

Update: I don't think it worked. Oh well, maybe later.

The way things are.

I'm not sure which is worse, having a sick child, or being sick while your child isn't. Aidan was sick on his birthday, a bit listless Thursday and Friday, and then had diarrhea Saturday night after he went to sleep, he woke up screaming because it was burning his skin. Sunday he was back to his normal self. I've been sick since Sunday, and Howard got sick Monday. He recovered faster than I did, just in time to go back to work on Wednesday. I'm feeling better, but still tired and drained. It's been difficult, dealing with an active 4 year old who suddenly became very needy. Keeping him entertained and not screaming in frustration has been a challenge.

Our attempt at stopping the pull ups to potty train went away during this sick time, I just didn't feel up to taking him to the bathroom every 20 minutes, especially not when I was having to go there myself every half an hour or so. Maybe next week.

I've got to get things going with Aidan's school, I have to get him registered in a program the school district will pay for, and then get things worked out for his transportation and the speech assistance he qualifies for. That may have to wait until next week as well.

I also have to start looking for some work, I want to do something. I've been looking at some work from home things, as well as some jobs with the Department of Human Services. Working from him would be good, because I can plan my own schedule, I wouldn't have to spend money on cloths for work, I wouldn't have to pay for the commute, but I might have to get up really early to do it, or stay up really late. Getting a job with the State could be good because it would be pretty stable work, with good benefits. But I'd have to pay for daycare, buy cloths for work, and pay for commuting. I guess I'll apply for jobs in both situations and see what comes of that. Again I'll probably wait for next week to do it though.

Birthday pictures.

Here are a few of the birthday pictures.

Aidan and DJ wearing BK crowns. They informed me that they were both the King. Aidan, however, was the birthday King while DJ was just the King.

Aidan looking at his cake. He touched it, but didn't get any frosting on his finger.

The face of the Thomas cake. I was a little close with the flash.

The cake and most of his presents. The black parts are licorice pieces because black frosting usually tastes weird. The wheels are cookies. It was a white cake with raspberry filling, about 3 layers all together. The face was foil over the top of a cup cake. It worked out well, tasted good and Aidan was very pleased with it.

Happy Birthday Aidan!

It's hard to believe that you are 4 today! It's been an interesting time, full of fun, learning and even some frustration. You are a very sweet boy, you mind us most of the time, but you have a stubborn streak and can throw a fit with the best of them.

This year we moved to Oregon, and you finally got to know your Grammie and Grandaddy. We spent a lot of time in Hood River staying in Grammie's RV, then we went to stay with Snowanna and DJ for awhile. You loved and hated that. You loved having DJ to play with, but hated fighting with him. We thought we had our own place, with David, but that didn't work out. We went to stay with Carol for a couple of weeks, until we found our apartment.

You have grown a lot this year, and learned a lot as well. Your memory is very good, you seem to be a visual learner. You remember details about things you have seen. Some things you have seen only once you will remember weeks later when you see them again. You are starting to talk with us more and more. Conversations are starting to happen more and more often.

It's been wonderful being your Mom. I love to cuddle with you, and build with your blocks. Watching Thomas, or going for walks are a couple of things we like to do.

This coming year things will change a bit. You will be going to pre-school soon, and hopefully I'll find a job I'll be good at and you will be going to daycare. You liked that earlier this year, I hope you will like it as much when you go this time. I'll miss our days together, but I think we both need some time on our own.

I love you very much!
Mom

One last update on our housing situation.

Well, we are finally settled in. It actually only took about 5 hours on Friday. Then I had to sort and put away things. I lost my digital camera, and the pictures we had taken at Picture People before Christmas. There were probably some other things in the box that is missing, but I can't think what. Howard has been working a lot of overtime so we had enough money to get a new camera so we could take pictures of Aidan's birthday.

Aidan's party went well. Mom was with Snowanna and they were late, but it all worked out okay. He had fun, and his cake was wonderful. I'll post pictures later. Unfortunately he is sick today. He threw up twice last night, and was only able to keep some Power aide down with a saltine cracker to nibble. He seems to be getting better as the day progresses, so maybe it was something he ate.

We got our cable and Internet hooked up today. It's been nice, Aidan has been laying around watching TV or his DVD player, and I can finally get caught up on my e-mail. It's funny how dependant we can become on these things. I've felt cut off without my Internet. LOL

Good news, Finally!

We finally have an apartment! We sign the lease and get the keys on Friday. It's a 2 bedroom in West Salem. For those who know, it's on Edgewater next to the Plaid Pantry. The only problem is it's upstairs. It's convenient for Howard to get to work, it's $495 a month, and the laundry room is in the basement in our building which is good. So we will be moving in Friday afternoon. Hooray!

Carol's husband got a call for a job interview out at Spirit Mountain. He will very likely get it, so hopefully he will be working similar hour to Howard. Then when one of us gets a car they will have a carpool. It will work out really well for at least 3 days a week.

We got our tax return today, and bought a new laptop. We also got Aidan a portable DVD player for his birthday. We will get the rest of his presents closer to his birthday. We have enough for a months rent, the deposit and still put some in savings. We are planning a small party for him, probably at Burger King on the 13th. I need to talk to a few people about what time they could come, but I'm thinking it will be after 5PM because of the people who work that day.

It's nice to finally have good news to report here. Thanks for all the well wishes and good thoughts.

Life just gets suckier and suckier.

Okay, so we moved out of the apartment on 12th, and into the mobile home. Just as we are finishing things up, the manager and a police officer come over. I guess the guy has been scamming people, stole a van from his work place, left it at Spirit Mountain, and stole a car from there. And we are NOT able to stay there more than that first night. SO ... We called Carol and are going to stay with her for a little while. I'm looking for some place else to live, and will go up to my parents if all else fails. So ... the guy scammed us of $200, and left us homeless, knowing we have a child, in January.

Things have got to get better sooner or later, don't you think? I can't see how it could get much worse.

Fear and anger related to housing. [Updated]

Well, we have been denied once again. Manny said that it's the same as before. But didn't have the information on the company that gave him this report. He told me he would call as soon as he gets into the office, but he also told me on Monday that he would call me that afternoon and didn't. So I'll wait until this afternoon and call the office and find out. [Update: He never called, and when I called they just said they would have him call when he got in. I'm beginning to think that there wasn't a new background check and he just wants us out. It seems stupid to me, to decide not to rent to us for no real reason, because now they have to pay people to paint, clean, and repair this place. Plus they have at least one other unit that is empty and has been for about a month.] Would you press the issue, it the reasons they state are the reasons they denied us are illegal? How far would you go? Press to stay? Sue them? I'm finally standing up for myself and my family, but I don't want to take it to ridiculous lengths. Know what I mean?

So anyway, I'm not sure what is going to happen as far as our living arrangements go. I still can't get a hold of the Mobile Home Guy, I don't know if he's changed his mind, or what. I guess I'll just have to figure out if the key I have works and if it does we will just rent a truck and get out of here. I really don't want to move there, it's small and in a 55 and older park. They guy we will be living with is 55, and I guess there are situations where under 55's can move in with an over 55 so ... but still I think it will put too much stress on things. But at least it's a place for us to be until we can find someplace else.

Oh, and David is screwing us over as well. He told the landlords that he will be out by Wednesday and just called to have the electric and gas turned off by Monday. It wouldn't have made one bit of difference to him to just let things go until the end of the month. So we don't even have until the end of the month like we thought before. If he hadn't given his notice when he did we might have gotten this apartment, and now he is forcing us out a week earlier than we had to be otherwise. I was planning on giving him some money toward paying the bills and so he could have cash on the trip, but I guess I'll need every penny for moving and stuff. I guess you can't trust anyone any more. [Update: David says that he just didn't think when he gave his notice and when he told them he would be out. He said that he thought they would give us until the end of the month even though the deal was we could be here as until David left. Either this boy is stupid or thinks I am. He has gotten free rent for 2 months, and seems worried about how big the gas and electric bills will be, that's why he called and told them Monday for a cut off. So I guess if you cut everything in half and subtracted what we already paid David owes us about $300. Not that we are ever going to see it, even if we asked him for it. Which we won't.]

So, I'm afraid that we will be homeless soon, angry that just when I thought things would work out for us this kind of thing has to happen, hurt that David doesn't care enough to think about us and waited just a little bit, and pissed off that the Salem Apartments are such asses. [Update: Snowanna is going to drive me over to check the key today. I should know tonight what's going on there at least.] [Update 2: The key fits, so we will be moving in there Monday or Tuesday. I'd rather stay here, but at least we will have someplace to stay for awhile.]