Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Judging others.

I've recently been reminded that any of us could easily judge someone else without knowing the whole story. People on both sides of an issue do it. It's pretty easy actually. Someone posts something on Facebook that you disagree with, so you comment about how you see the issue. You think you know the thought process behind the post, and so you decide that the person posting the offending thing must be some horrible kind of person. The person who posted also easily can decide what it is you are saying and judge you based on what they THINK you think/feel/know/or want when it comes to this subject.

This happened to me the other day. Someone said something about abortion and how she wouldn't be able to have a relationship with a man who agreed to an ex girlfriend having an abortion. She said that someone who had an abortion or someone who allowed one to happen would be bad parents and should never have children. She didn't know that I had to have a medically necessary abortion years ago. But she would have judged me a bad parent because of it. Someone else judged her and said some hurtful things, not knowing that she had recently had a miscarriage of a much desired baby. I can understand that too, because when I was trying to conceive my second child I became pregnant fairly quickly after stopping the pill. I didn't tell anyone, not even the father. Which turned out to be a good decision because a couple of weeks after I had the positive pregnancy test, I had a miscarriage. It was early enough that I was able to pass it off as a heavy, more painful than ever, period. I was devastated. I've never felt so much emotional pain in my whole life. So I understand her pain and where she is coming from with some of what she said. But, it hurts that she would think that I'm a bad parent, that I never should have had children, because of a medical decision.

Just to be clear, I don't think that abortion is a good choice, but sometimes it's the best choice. I wish that every child that was conceived was wanted and that there never was any reason to have an abortion. Life isn't like that now, unfortunately.

There are many other things we judge each other about. I'm working hard not to judge anyone any more. I don't know their story. I don't know what led them to be the kind of person they are, or to do the things they do. I need to not worry so much about that kind of thing when it comes to others. I can worry about their safety or their finances or other things like that, without judging them. It's hard, I think humans are hard wired to judge, to come to a conclusion about someone based on a few moments, or a few details. I want to stop doing that. I'm trying very hard, I fail often, but I am making progress.