Thursday, September 30, 2004

I guess I'm a Spyro-Graph.

What Childhood Toy from the 80's Are You? I didn't get the code copied and now the site isn't responding. Oh well. It's a Quizzilla quiz. Just something silly. I'll try later and see if I can get the description of me and you can decide if it fits or not.

(Edited to add:)
You're a Spirograph!! You're pretty tripped out,
even though you've been known to be a bit
boring at times. You manage to serve your
purpose in life while expending hardly any
effort (and are probably stoned to the gills
all the while).

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

This and that.

I've been very tired lately. I think it's allergies for the most part. But I think that my bursitis medication isn't working as well as it used to, resulting in less restful sleep because of the pain. I've got to make an appointment with my Doctor and see what else, if anything, can be done.

The Celtic knotwork blanket is taking a long time to get done. I'm thinking of making only 2 knotwork panels and one seed stitch panel. That shouldn't take very long to do. Then I'll do the edging and get Snowanna's new address and get it off in the mail.

Aidan says something that sounds like a cross between 'mice' and 'ace'. He is trying to say 'nice'. He says it when he is petting the cat, as a reminder to himself to pet her nice and gentle. LOL He still tends to be a little rough with her, with out meaning to be. He says 'tee-tee' for kitty. I think I'm listening better now, it must have been (and still probably is) frustrating for him. His favorite word right now is 'What?' but he never says it just once. It's always 'What? What?' He uses it mostly when we ask him what he is doing, or when I go check on him and he is doing something he thinks he shouldn't be doing.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Pieces and flashes of a dream.

It was another dream that involved some kind of secret. I was doing secret things, hiding from some people, running, but none of it seemed to be truly "bad". Some times I had Aidan with me, sometimes I was alone. There were even times when I wasn't even me. I wish I could remember more, because it was interesting and fun.

Later I had another dream. I was back in college, but I was only 22. (For those of you who don't know me, I went to college later in life. I was a 30 year old freshman.) I still had my kids, all three of them, but they seem to have been triplets or something because they were all about 2. I was single, but that didn't seem to make any difference. Or maybe my Husband just didn't show up in my dream. Anyway, I was studying Anthropology, Art, and American Sign Language. As is typical in some of my dreams, I seemed to have enough time to study, play with the kids, go on picnics, go to class, get A's and still sleep 8 or 9 hours every night. This dream was more of a slice of life type thing. No chases, or monsters, not even any sex. The only reason I'm mentioning it is because it's the only dream I've remembered more than just flashes of in months.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Monday Positives.

It's harder to think of good things when you are feeling bad. I have a very stiff neck which is giving me a horrible head ache. On top of it I've been having stomach problems all day. But I like the thought of starting the week off on a positive note so here goes.

We got a new cell phone, it's a replacement for the old one that wasn't working well so it's the same type. But this one works, and has a screen I can actually read.

My family, who always seem to be there for each other. Sometimes it can only be emotional support, but sometimes that is more help than anything else.

My friends, because I know I can bitch and moan about my problems and they will still care about me.

Finally a cooling trend! The weather for the next week has been predicted to be in the mid to upper 80's.

Good medical care for the people I love.

I'm sure I've mentioned most of this before, but these are things that are positive and important in my life.

Sunday, September 26, 2004


I talked to Allen and Xander yesterday. It was nice to hear from them. Now I have their new address and Allen's phone number.

I called my Mom about Snowanna. She wasn't home so I left a message. Not long after I talked to Allen she called me. Here's the scoop: The baby isn't ready to be born yet. If she hasn't gone into labor before October 4th they will probably induce her. (Her original due date was September 18th.) So I have some more time to work on the blanket.

Oh yeah, the blanket is progressing ok. But now I remember why I don't like to make afghans in sections to be sewn together. I have a hard time keeping the tension the same from one piece to the other. I was nearly finished with the second panel when I checked it against the first. It's quite a bit bigger. An inch wider and with about 4.5 instead of 5 repeats of the main pattern it's about 2 inches longer! I think I like the bigger version better though, so I'll try to keep the tension looser for the next two panels. (I need three to finish the blanket.) If I can't keep them close enough I'll probably just make 2 panels of seed stitch and make them the same length as the panel I like the best. That will be easier to do since I won't have to worry about the pattern. I hope that I can actually finish the project as originally intended, but I'm willing to change it in order to finish it in time to send it to the baby.

Somewhere someone mentioned that maybe I should listen closer to what Aidan is saying. Maybe he is saying more words than I think he is because I'm not listening well enough. I'm trying to hear his words. Wish us luck.

Monday, September 20, 2004

People Pleaser, please don't rock the boat.

Yes that's me. I don't always say things I'd like to say, because I don't want to offend any one. I try to keep the peace, between the people I care about. I try very hard not to rock the boat.

Somehow I find myself drawn to situations where there is going to be conflict. I even go to message boards that are sure to have conflict. I might even participate if it's unlikely that anyone who knows me in real life will see it. I know that I care too much what other people think of me, I want people to think I'm nice - smart - creative - not at all bitch like, I'm working on that problem. I try not to discuss politics, because it might upset someone. I don't understand why I feel so afraid of upsetting things.

*I* don't stop liking people just because we have a difference of opinion. I read several Blogs even though their authors have stated political positions that are not my own. So why do I continue to worry that people will stop reading my blog if I state my opinions? Why do I even care if people read me? I'll continue to work on it, maybe some day you will read about what I think about some controversial issue.

Where did the week go?

I intended to blog this week, but somehow the week vanished on me and I just never got around to it.

This week I've been reminded of my family and how important they are to me.

I am grateful for:

My Mom, who is also my best friend, because she always encouraged me to do things and to learn new things. She might not have a lot of formal education but she is one of the smartest people I know.

My Dad, because he loves me no matter what. He might not have understood me, the things I wanted might not have mad any sense to him, but he did his best for me.

My brother Cody, because he is a caring person. He and I may not have much in common, we may not understand each other's sense of humor, but we are family.

My brother Mark, who is also my friend, because he challenges me to extend my mind. Our discussions are informative as well as fun. I enjoy spending time with him, just because. We have a deep connection.

My son Christopher, because he was my first child. He is a good man, with lots of care and love for the people in his life.

My son Allen, because he and I have a friendship that has grown as he has grown into a wonderful man. He is intelligent, loving, interested in the world around him and strong in his ideals.

My Grandson Xander, because he is my one and only grandchild. He is smart, well behaved, and loving. He is growing into such a wonderful person.

My son Aidan, because he is so sweet and I had given up on ever having an other baby in my life. I enjoy watching him learn and think things through. He is fun and very loving.

My husband Howard, because he puts up with all my crazy moods. He allows me to fall apart if I need to, and I know he will be strong for me instead of me needing to be strong for him. I don't think any man has ever loved me so much. (My dad, brothers, and sons don't count.)

All of my nieces and nephews, because they are the future. Each of them has something special. I hope each of them will be able to live up to their potential.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Hello, Monday

I like these Monday positives. It's nice to remember the good things in my life.

The new TV season is starting! I have a few returning favorites, and I like checking out all the new shows.
Having the right stuff for cleaning.
Cuddles and snuggles with Aidan.
Taking a
Quizilla test and finding out I'm a "Goth Mama". (This is really funny and gave me a good laugh.)

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Three years ago today.

I woke up that morning because my brother called and wanted to know if I was awake and watching TV. I reached for the remote and turned it on while asking him what was happening. It was just moments after the second plane had hit. I couldn't believe my eyes, I thought it might be a movie stunt or something, but when it went on and one, with pictures of things as they happened it slowly sunk in that it was real.

That is when I started to worry about my friends and family who live in New York. I didn't know where the schools and businesses they would be at were located in relation to the towers. (I'm a west coast girl) The phone lines were all jammed up so I couldn't call them. I thought of all the other people around the world who might be worried about loved ones, not knowing if they were ok or not. I tried to clear my mind to meditate and pray for the people who had died, and those who would grieve for them. For those who waited at distant locations wondering if they would ever talk to their son/ daughter/ brother/ sister/ father/ mother/ husband/ wife/ cousin/ aunt/ uncle/ or friend ever again. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't calm my mind, I couldn't clear the visions of those beautiful buildings falling, the people running, and imagined images of body parts and crushed, burning children.

My grandson lives on Staten Island, with his Mother my friend, his Father my son, and two very dear friends. I worried that he was too close, and that he was hurt and scared. I worried that his Mother might work too close, that she might be hurt or worse dead. I prayed that his Father, my son, had not been there because I don't know what I'd do if I lost him.

I heard from Allen later that evening, there were some free phones set up for people to call loved ones who were far away. He had been at home with Xander and Solomon, everyone was OK. Nicole had a hard time getting home, as did Gabrielle. But they had found each other and made it through the horrible traffic to get home. Allen planned to work at the volunteer food stations that some of the restaurants were setting up, to help keep the fire fighters, police and other rescue workers fed and to provide water and other drinks for them. I wished I could be there to help. I felt great relief that the people I loved where ok. I could cry for those that were lost, while rejoicing in the fact that I hadn't lost anyone.

Today, after three years, some of the details are blurred. I had been too upset and worried to take note of everything that happened that day. I still feel the panic, anger, worry, fear, and overwhelming sadness when ever I think of that day. Tears still blur my vision. I will never forget that day, I wouldn't want to.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

My life Lately

Some days I seem to be too busy to breath. Other days seem to drag on forever. Maybe it's the plight of a Stay at Home Mom, maybe it's just the life of any Mom, or parent who is the primary care giver for a toddler. All I know is that it's very tiring either way.

Already today I've picked up Aidan's toys 3 times, because he just learned how fun it is to dump the toy box out. He does help me pick things up, sometimes, usually when he's tripped over something or slid on a book. Besides the sooner the toys are back in the box the sooner he can dump them out again. I still need to keep him out of the kitchen, but now it's because he learned how to open the cabinet under the sink, and turn on the stove. I probably should put the cleaning supplies somewhere he can't get to, which means in the higher cupboards, or hidden somewhere. But that makes them harder for me to get to them as well. As for the stove, it's a gas stove, one side has a problem with it's pilot light staying lit. So if he turns on the burners on that side we run a 50/50 risk of them being unlit and the gas filling the house. (Right now not too much of a problem, since I have windows open all over the house. )

I'm still concerned about his language development, Howards says I'm too worried about this stuff. That I need to relax and let him develop as he will naturally. That's all well and good, but I don't want him to have problems in school later. Whatever school he ends up going to.

Speaking of school, I've found some really interesting homeschooling links, some educational websites, thanks to
Catawampus. Even if I don't homeschool these links could be very helpful to school age kids, and their parents.

I've been on a message group with several "Child-free" people on it. It's interesting to talk about the other side of things. These are people who don't have children by their own choice. Most of them are not "child-haters", some of them even really like kids. They just choose not to have any of their own. I can remember what it was like before Aidan came into our lives, and while it wasn't truly child-free because I already had kids who were already grown, I can sort of understand their position. I love kids in general, of course there are kids I don't like, but it was nice to have just adult things to think about. I could go where I wanted to, when I wanted to, as long as I had the money for gas. I could spend all day reading, or knitting, or visiting with friends. And all those other things that are very hard if not impossible with a child in tow. I do not regret having Aidan in my life. Though I do miss those child free times. The conversation on that site is interesting, people try to keep things friendly and open minded. Parenting issues, relationship issues, questions to help each other understand more about our choices. Until I found that group I had never thought of the differences. The name of the group is Tanglewood.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Blogging for books.

I thought some of you might be interested in this contest. I'm unsure enough about my own writing that I'm not sure I'll enter. I'll read through most of the entries, maybe I'll find some new blogs to read. Anyway here are the rules and the link. If you do this, I hope you have fun.

"Blogging for Books #3: Adaptation (Guest Author: Mark Falanga)
Change can be hard - both the kind we undertake ourselves, and the kind that is foisted upon us without our consent. While we human beings have a remarkable ability to adapt to change, we often fight it tooth and nail. Peace only comes when we learn to make the best of the hand we've been dealt.
For this Blogging for Books, write about a time when you struggled to adapt to a major change in your life. It can be a new job. Or the death of a loved one. Or, as in Mark Falanga's case, a move to the suburbs.
Post your entry to your own blog, and leave a comment to this entry linking to your post. You have until midnight, September 13th 2004, to submit your entry. My wife and I will choose the top seven entries, and author Mark Falanga will whittle it down to the top three. Entrants will be judged both on the entertainment value of their story and on the quality of their writing.
This month, courtesy of Broadway Books, all three winners will receive a signed copy of Mark's forthcoming book, The Suburban You.


So, it's Tuesday again, and I missed another Monday. What makes me happy? What am I thankful for this week?

An understanding Husband. He puts up with, and forgives, my moods.
Allen and Mark. (both have birthdays the first week of September. Allen on the 4th and Mark on the 7th)
Another week to be alive.
The hope that the weather will finally turn cool.
Aidan's first drawing. Blue Uniball pen on white paper.
My tree, it's beautiful and gives us plenty of shade.

Sunday, September 05, 2004


Yesterday I found myself thinking that I was acting like a real bitch. I was being petty and mean to Howard for no reason at all. I knew this and I still didn't stop. Part of me wanted to stop, part of my tried to stop, but I couldn't. Maybe it's pre-menopause hormone things, I don't know. But I didn't like myself very well. My emotions and moods are really getting extreme these days. Maybe I should talk to the Doctor when I see her next.

Last night I noticed that the second panel of the Celtic Knotwork Baby Blanket felt a little stiffer than the first one. I was at the 60 rows point and decided to check it against the first. I found that I was knitting it much tighter than the other one, it was about a quarter of an inch off in length and width. So I pulled it all out. {sigh} I tried to cast on and do the first row before going to bed, but I couldn't get it right for some reason. I'll try again tonight. I have to keep working on it as steady as I can, the baby is due soon. I guess since I haven't heard that he was born yesterday Allen won't have to share his birthday with him, actually I think Allen would have liked that. Mark's birthday is Tuesday, he wouldn't mind if his grandson were to be born on his birthday. Maybe little David will wait a few days and have his own birthday. Anyway, I have to hurry and get it done.

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Happy Birthday to you, my Son.

I know that Allen seldom if ever reads this, but today is his 22nd birthday.

Allen, If you are reading this, I just want you to know how much I love you, how proud of you I am. I wish I could be with you for your birthday, I miss you so much! Yesterday I was looking at some pictures of you when you were little, and I thought of how sweet it was to hug you. Do you remember the love tank? Well mine is running kind of low on Allen hugs and kisses. I know I'll see you, hopefully, in November, but today I feel the distance more deeply than normal. Take Care of yourself today, have a wonderful, fun, and special day just as you deserve.
Remember I will love you forever.
Your Mom.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Something old.

The big old Cactus in out yard. Posted by Hello

The tree at 4:30 PM

Our tree. Posted by Hello

Play time out in the yard.

Chasing Mommy. Posted by Hello

Fairly close up.

Aidan almost caught Mommy. 9/2/2004. Posted by Hello

Running in the yard.

Aidan out in the yard. September 2, 2004. Posted by Hello

Life continues

I've been feeling kind of yucky the last couple of days. Not a specific illness, just general YUCK.

I checked some of the profiles from our family and friend group and found Sara and Mikey's son's web page. His name is Sammuel Xavier. He's really cute.

I didn't do anything on the baby blanket last night. But I'm feeling better today so hopefully I'll get some done tonight.

My son Allen will have his 22nd birthday on Saturday. It's hard to believe that he's all grown up. I am so proud of him! My brother Mark will turn 36 on the seventh. I really miss him. We used to have some of the best conversations.

I hope I'll be able to take pictures of Aidan today. The camera may not be really good, but I'll be able to share some pictures soon.