Friday, December 31, 2004

A night of nightmares and tears.

Everything started out Okay. We were at some kind of gathering, we needed somewhere to stay. Mark and Snowanna were with us, but she was only about 4 or 5, there were other members of my family there too, but I can't remember who they were. We discovered that a house that belonged to someone we were related to was available to all of us. So we settled in for the night.

Howard and Aidan were in a room decorated for boys, because Aidan loved it so much. There wasn't enough room in there for me, so I found another room across the ... Parking lot? ... from them. I could see their room from my window. Snowanna decided that she wanted to sleep with me, so she climbed in and snuggled up. When we woke up I showed Snowanna the view.

The scene switched a bit and I'm standing outside. I'm still talking to Snowanna, but she's grown up now. An old family friend we called "Bus" was backing a new white ford pick-up truck out of the ... Drive way? ... when I see Aidan coming around the back of the truck. I get "Bus" to stop and run over to pick Aidan up. I smile and wave at "Bus" as he leaves and waves back. (An aside here, Bus died 20 or so years ago. He loved all the kids, starting with my Dad. He and his wife were not able to have any children of their own.)

After Bus left I put Aidan down, we were at a park or other child oriented location. There where children every where. Aidan was being good and walking on the sidewalk instead of cutting across the parking lot. I was talking to someone, not Snowanna, and watching Aidan walk to his Daddy when this bus like RV pulled into the parking space between us. She was at an odd angle and pulled up onto the curb to try to help straighten it out. I was trying to see Aidan because he was in that area. She started to back up, the front end of her RV was taking out more of the sidewalk. I screamed and yelled at her to stop.

It seemed like forever, but I finally got her to see me and to hear me by banging on the glass door. She stopped. I looked under the RV to see if I could see where Aidan was. The front of the RV had tracks, like a tank, instead of wheels. I saw 3 little girls on the other side. They were staring at the tracks. One of them said "It just ran over his head." I looked at the tracks, there was a small distortion about the size and shape of a little body under the tracks, and I knew that it was Aidan. I screamed and that scream woke me.

The scariest part of the dream is that it's so easy to loose track of where Aidan is. Like most kids his age he is fearless, and he can move very quickly when he wants to. A moments distraction and he's gone to find something else to do. In the dream he was actually doing things the right way, he should have been safe, but he wasn't. It took me almost an hour to be able to think of it without crying again. I couldn't get back to sleep for over two hours, because I kept seeing it all over again. Touching Aidan, alive and sleeping in his own bed helped some. Sitting up at 4 AM to write this all down helped some more. What could this dream be trying to tell me?

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Monday, December 27, 2004

Presents and love.

For me this Holiday Season is all about the love. Family and friends. I, of course, like to get presents and to give them. I did get some interesting gifts this year. Howard and Aidan got me a Crock Pot slow cooker and a Scrapbook kit. Aidan got me 2 balls of bright red Fun Fur yarn because I've been wanting to try it ever since it came out. Howards Aunt gave me some make-up and moisturizer. (I don't use make-up but she is always giving me papers with hints on how to use make-up. LOL) My Parents sent me a Cookbook called "Early American Cookery" and a pair of hand knitted "scuffies" (aka Slippers). But the best gift of all was the Picture Share photos of my Mom with Xander and Snowanna with little DJ that Nicole sent me. I've been feeling kind of lonely and separate from my family and friends so that really brightened my day. The Love I feel for the wonderful people in my family, both blood relations and chosen family, and the love I feel from them is what makes this time of year special for me.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

On this day.

Today is my Parents anniversary. If they hadn't gotten divorced for a while it would be their 46th! So I'd like to wish them a Very Happy Anniversary! (They recently got back together and re-committed to each other.)

Today is also the Winter Solstice, some calendar say that it's tomorrow though. So I'd like to wish all my Pagan friends a Peaceful and Happy Solstice.

For those who celebrate Christmas, to you I wish a Joyous and Merry Christmas.

This time of year I think about my family, those who are physically close to me and those far away. I remember those who have passed and the loving times we spent together over the years. I had a fairly calm and very happy childhood. Due for the most part to the family members who loved me, guided me, and allowed me to find my own path. I hope I have been able to pass some of the love to my own children.

For all my family and friends: I Love you, I miss you, and I send my love and best wishes for a Happy Holiday season.

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Friday, December 17, 2004

Life in California

It's been getting pretty cold here in the evenings. Not as cold as my New York friends, but cold for around here. It's been in the lower 30's at night for the last 4 or 5 nights. The highs have been in the 50's and even up into the lower 60's. It wouldn't be bad except that our furnace decided to stop working. I've felt colder at SCA events, but it's still kind of chilly in the house for most of the day. So far I've been able to warm it up a little baking cupcakes and making a roast. Hopefully we can get it fixed in the next few days.

When I see my Doctor, next month, I will have to remember to tell her about the dizzy spells and the balance problems I've had lately. I've had these problems for years, I'll be sitting still and I'll feel dizzy for no reason. But lately it's been more often and for a longer duration. I'm also starting to loose my balance just walking across the room. I can't remember the name of the condition she said could be causing it.

Aidan discovered that if you turn the TV off while it's Muted and then turn it on again it won't be muted any more. I'm still concerned about his language development, I'm sure that he can hear well since he can mimic things he hears. But he still has very few words. He will have a Doctors appointment after his second birthday, so I will talk to his Doctor about it then. Oh, he had his final check up with the surgeon. Everything looks good. He is 35.5 inches tall and 30 pounds.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Another Monday

Some things that make me smile today.

Finally getting the Celtic Knot work blanket in the mail to Snowanna.
Warm, black, fuzzy slippers.
Hearing Aidan laugh a real belly laugh when a bigger boy did tricks to make him laugh.
Thinking of the people I love.
Day dreaming about what I'd do with $60,000,000.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Alignment Quiz.

I found this on a blog I discovered the other day. He's a Riley too. For anyone who doesn't know what this is all about, it's a Dungeons and Dragons Personality alignment chart. If you go and take this little test, the link is at the bottom of the chart below, I'd like to know where you land.

You scored as True Neutral. A True Neutral person has two faces- either these people are merely apathetic, preferring to focus their minds on more important things, or these people truly believe in a balance of all things. To these people, there can be no light without some darkness. These people also have no dedication to, or intrinsic distrust of, laws.

True Neutral


Lawful Good


Chaotic Good


Neutral Evil


Chaotic Neutral


Lawful Neutral


Neutral Good


Lawful Evil


Chaotic Evil


What is your Alignment?
created with

Monday, December 06, 2004


It's Monday again. And even though I'd prefer to have another week-end day to be able to ignore anything I don't want to deal with, it's not going to happen. So the next best thing for me to do is try to remember some positive things for this chilly Monday morning.

Finding a new digital Camera on sale for a price we can afford.
Remembering a bag of boys clothing and finding 2 pairs of pants and a couple of shirts that will fit Aidan right now.
Discovering that it's not really so hard to drink enough water.
Watching movies on my new, really cheap ($28), DVD player.
Having a cell phone with week-ends free so that I can call my Mom and Nicole and talk as long as I want.
Medication that reduces the pain in my elbows and shoulders.
Watching Aidan dance to almost any music.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Holiday wishes.

Since there are several Holidays celebrated at this time of year, depending on your religious affiliation, I thought this was appropriate. It might or might not be something you want to do.

I got this from Cathy who got it from Michael. He borrowed it from Megan over at Divine Reality who stole it from Gina who took from The Mommy Blog, who stole it from Broken Fairy, and from Janet.

Step One:
Make a post to your weblog/journal. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all,big or small. The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want. If you wish for real life things, make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you. Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines.

Step Two:
Surf around your blogroll (or friend's blogrolls, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part: If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it. You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call. There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...Wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

My Holiday wish list:

1. Continued health for my Family
2. A Job for Howard. (He is finishing his A+ training.)
3. A rainbow of yarn colors.
4. Airplane tickets to New York to visit Xander, Nicole and Allen.
5. The windows and doors of my house weatherized so that my heating bill will go down.
6. An apartment size washer and dryer, the kind that stack would be good.
7. About $500 cash to pay off my Credit Card.
8. 3 or 4 pairs of jeans for Aidan. (size 2T, used in good condition is perfect.)
9. A new storage shed to put all the things I can't fit into the house in. (The old one is about to fall apart.)
10. A gas stove that works.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

6 Years!

I am now the Grandmother of a 6 year old! It doesn't seem like it could be that long already since I heard that my Little Xander had been born. I've missed so much of his life, because we live so far apart. (He is in New York and I am in California) I don't have much money, so I haven't been able to go out to see him, or to bring him out to see me. I'd like to send him memorable gifts, I'd like to sit and talk with him. I know that he has wonderful parents, and for that I am thankful. So today I just want to say:
Happy 6th Birthday Xander!
With love from Grandma.