Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Now my Monday positives:
A good deal on a new DVD player. ($28 )
Having the extra cash to get the third Harry Potter Movie.
Aidan and I are feeling better after a couple of weeks with colds.
I have a plan to loose weight now. All I have to do is DO it. (That's the hard part.)
Allen bought the movie "Supersize Me" while he was here and we watched it, so when the Health Educator said I should rent it I could tell her I'd already seen it.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
I'm cooking dinner at home for Aidan, Howard and myself. It's nothing big, but I think it will be pretty good anyway.
Today I am thankful for:
The ability to cook for my family.
Food to cook.
My tiny, but warm and safe Home.
My family and friends.
This beautiful planet to live on.
Knowing how to type well enough I can do it one handed while I hold Aidan who for some reason needs to sit on my lap RIGHT NOW!
Did I mention, My family? All of them, those who are close as well as those who are far away.
Oh and my friends, did I mention them? The people who like to talk to me just because they like me.
Thank you everyone! For being there for me if I need you. I wish you all a wonderful day!
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
Getting a referral to a Health Ed. Specialist who will help me figure out how to loose all this weight.
Hope for finding an exercise program that I can stick to.
Educational Websites that have ideas for things to do with toddlers.
As always, my wonderful family and friends who love me anyway.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Some of the differences are:
- His family is Lower Middle Class, and mine is Upper Middle to Lower Upper Class. This shows up most strongly in our language usage and our attitudes about education.
- He was a bully of sorts in school, I tried to not be noticed.
- He got into a lot of trouble, I seldom did things that would get me in trouble.
- He drank and did drugs a lot when he was younger, I was never that interested in them and didn't know where to get drugs even if I wanted to.
- He was in the Military, I'm a "Peace-ifist".
- People say he is Rude and Crude, and while I may have my moments no one has said that of me.
- He is bold and adventurous, I'd rather stay at home and be safe and warm.
I hope that I can explain clearly enough why I love him so very much.
When we first met it was Lust at first sight. I was instantly attracted to him on a purely physical level. We spent almost every day and night together for 2 weeks after that. I felt well taken care of. He asked me to marry him then. I agreed, but decided on a date 2 years in the future. We moved in together and right away I could see how much I needed him. I hate discord, and I never "rock the boat", but I needed to get some control over the young people who where staying in my apartment. I loved them all, they were friends of my two sons and were like my own kids in a lot of ways, but they didn't do chores, and they didn't do anything else to help out either. Howard took charge, because I couldn't, and set down some rules. Those who couldn't or wouldn't follow those rules left. My life was so much easier after that.
When there were emotional things I had to go through, such as the death of my Grandmother, he was there to allow me to fall apart, to cry and mourn. Until then I had always felt that I needed to be strong for others, that I couldn't cry and fall apart. It's so comforting to know that I could allow myself to be weak and to know that he still loved me and would be there to help me pick up the pieces.
No matter what it is that I want to do, Howard is supportive of it. He will do anything he can to help me do what I want to do. He may not agree with it, but he will still do what he can to help me. For example: He took the whole week off when Allen came to visit to make sure that we didn't have to worry about getting him to school or home. He also will work extra for Jimmy to pay for the trips over to San Francisco.
There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me as he has never loved anyone else. He is changing his language, cleaning it up so to speak. Part of that is because of Aidan, but even before Aidan was born he was using fewer curse words and the off handed way he sometimes used slurs had already started to change. He is less judgmental about other people now than he was before. This is because he knows it bothers me and is making an effort to curb it so as not to cause me any discomfort. He tries to keep things at least polite when talking with people I care about. He even kept the testosterone levels down while Allen was here, both of them were very nice and polite with each other. (Thank you Allen.)
I have also grown. I'm much more likely to stand up for myself than I was before. I feel free to say or do what I feel is the right thing and I don't worry so much about how others will feel about me when I do. I have far to go but I know that he will be there to help me up if I fall, and that he will let me fall sometimes because I need to learn from it.
I feel loved and cherished in every way. My heart still skips a beat when I see Howard or hear his voice. Our sex life is still interesting even after 7 years. (Howard's longest relationship before me was just over 1 year.) I'd rather be with him at home than anywhere else without him. I know that if I do have to go somewhere without him he will be at home when I get back. He is a wonderful Daddy for Aidan, he is showing a soft side that most people don't know about. He respects me even when he disagrees with me.
I'm not trying to say that everything is easy or that we always get along. We disagree a lot of the time, sometimes we debate the subject. We fuss and fight with each other just like other people do. It seldom goes farther than a few angry words. And the few times that one of us actually hurt the others feelings we were able to discuss it later and figure out why and how so we wouldn't do it again.
I could wish for more money, a bigger house, more things. But I don't think I could get much happier.
Monday, November 15, 2004
I'm thinking about Thanksgiving. I'm not sure what we will do this year, but we will be together and will probably go visit some family. So I thought I'd try to think of the things I'm truly thankful for to use as my Positives this week.
I am Thankful for:
My family, who love us regardless of our past miss deeds. (An example: My Brother Cody and his Wife Kelly would love to see Allen on a regular basis if he should move to the San Francisco Area to go to school. Even though the last time he went to visit with them he was quite a bit of trouble. This is so unlike Allen's Dad's family who pretend that Allen and Christopher don't even exist. Just because of the trouble they got into as youngsters.)
My life. Even though we don't have much that money can buy, I'm very happy with my life as it is. Some people might not think we are doing very well, because we have bills that need to be paid and our house is old and run down. But I get to stay home with Aidan and watch him grow. We own our little mobile home. We have a lot of love around here. Oh we fuss and even sometimes fight, but in the end we have lots of love here. We have enough to eat, and usually enough money to pay our bills and get a few extras.
Our health. For the most part we are pretty healthy. Aidan catches a cold now and then, but has been really sick only once in his 21 months. Howard and I each have our problems, mainly because of age. (Yes, I'm finally getting older, but I refuse to grow up!) But the problems we have are easily dealt with.
My extended family and friends. These people are there for us when ever I need them. They might not have much to share, but they will share what they have. They support me in my decisions even when they don't agree, and seldom say "I told you so." When they were right and I was wrong. (I love you guys so very much!)
Having the chance to know my sons as they grow up. I don't actually get to talk to Christopher very much, but Allen keeps in touch. He is a wonderful young man, I'm very proud of him. Not because I did anything to be proud of, but because he has grown into a good man. He is someone I'd like to be friends with even if he weren't my child. And of course Aidan is lots of fun to know. He just put clapping and cheering together with something good happened. Now when he sees something on TV or out the window that makes him particularly happy he claps his hands, then raises his hand or hands over his head and says "Yahoo!" He brightens even the darkest days.
Finally, I'm thankful that I have this computer, the internet, and the ability to create this blog. It's a way to keep track of things in my life, for myself and those I love who live so far from me. I may not be much of a creative writer but this is an outlet for me. I'm also thankful for everyone who stops by and reads my blog, Thank you people!
Friday, November 12, 2004
I'm also almost caught up with the house work that got left undone after I strained my back trying to move a dresser without taking things off of it or out of it. There for awhile I couldn't stand to wash dishes for more than 15 minutes at a time. (I was already behind because of catching a flu virus the week before.) I couldn't walk for more than 45 minutes. The first day I was almost normal was Sunday when we were in San Francisco. I've done all the pots and pans, and most of the other things. I fill up the dish drainer and then sit down to allow my back to rest. Then, if Aidan is still asleep, I put away the clean dishes and do some more. I've never been a very good house keeper. I am trying to do better, but there is always something else I want to do instead and I can't always resist.
I need to ask Allen if he will send me the pictures we took with his camera while he was here. He got some of Buddy and Psycho Cat, the house and I got some of him and Aidan together. I missed the opportunity to take any of them sitting in the chair together. They were so cute! Both of them handsome blue eyed boys that I love with all my heart.
I'm knitting a sock. Well, it will probably be a pair of socks eventually. It appears to be a fairly simple pattern. It's on 2 straight needles, rather than the 4 double pointed or a circular pair, so I will have to sew a back seam, but I think it will be ok. I have some yarn that my Mom gave me years ago, it's a dusty purple color, I'm not sure what it's made of, most likely it's acrylic. I'll probably wear them around the house, because they will be too bulky to wear with shoes. I'm also looking at patterns for hats and scarves, as well as mittens, to use up left over yarn, and found balls from a couple of estate clearances, and some yarn that my Mom had when she moved from her house to an RV.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Aidan attached to Allen right away, they sat together in my chair and watched TV for a little while. I tired out my legs walking around Sunday. I'm not used to walking for so long at a stretch and then we went down and then back up a fairly steep hill. I am SO out of shape. LOL
I only regret that we didn't have longer together. Aidan and I miss Allen very, very much. Aidan was angry with me for leaving Allen at the Airport. I took a few pictures, but couldn't find my digital camera, so I'll have to wait until I can get my film developed to show you how Allen and Aidan looked together. Or maybe Allen will send me some of the ones we took with his digital camera.
We drove a total of almost 700 miles and spent about $100 on gas. We drove around San Francisco and Berkeley Sunday which took up a lot of the gas. The trip home on Sunday I think we took the longest possible route. I know that it took 3 gallons of gas more than the trip over did. I was so tired Tuesday, when we came home I hardly moved out of my chair until bed time. I miss Allen more now than I did before he came to see me, probably because it had been about 3 or so since I'd seen him. I wish we could live closer together, it would be good for me both emotionally and physically. If I could regularly walk for an hour and a half with Allen or someone else I could enjoy talking to it would help me loose weight. And I'd get to have time with my son.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
I get to see Allen!
I get to see Megan!
I talked to my Mom on the phone today, everything is OK up in Oregon.
Aidan is saying more things that I can understand.
I found some interesting Free Knit patterns on the Lion website. (I don't have a link sorry.)
I'm going to San Francisco!
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Aidan wearing his "I voted" sticker.
In Shylah's blog, Simply Shylah, she mentioned taking a picture of yourself with your "I voted" sticker, I've never been good at taking pictures of myself, but since Aidan got one while we were there I took one of him instead. The sticker itself is washed out, but I think you can still tell what it is.
Monday, November 01, 2004
My little Red Dragon!
The color is off, it was taken with the cheap-old-needs to be replaced digital camera in the house, but I guess a slightly green child is ok for Halloween. LOL I'm going to try to take some new ones this afternoon and hope that they will turn out ok. I'll post any that turn out later.
Happy Birthday Solomon!
The weather finally feels like Autumn. Last night was very much like Halloween back home.
I'll be seeing Allen next week!
The Celtic knotwork baby blanket it finally finished! Pictures to be posted soon!