Friday, December 30, 2005

Random updates.

It seems like California and the Holidays together get me sick. Every Holiday season since we've been here I've come down with something. Colds, the flu, sinus problems, and this year I've been slightly sick off and on since the 24th. I've thrown up a couple of times, but mostly it's just feeling tired, achey and yucky. Today I'm feeling almost normal.

I've been playing with GIMP a lot lately. I need to get more batteries for my camera, so I can take some of the pictures I have in my head. And I need to come up with the 12 monthly photos for the "Wheel of the year" project. So far I have . They are :

1) Aidan in front of his growth chart.

2) The closest tree.

3) The view from my bedroom window at about 6 PM.

4) A construction Site.

5) The Walgreens sign around noon with the Temp. displayed. (Or other similar sign if we move to Oregon before the end of 2006.

So I need to think of 7 more things that can be transferred to Oregon if we move. If you have any ideas for me, I'd really like to hear them. (Howard keeps saying that we will be moving the first of the month. I know it won't be this month, because I don't have anything packed, I don't have any boxes to pack, and by the time we do have those things we will have to pay the bills here, because it's going to take me a while to get it done. I have to clean out the storage shed, which has probably leaked all over the stuff I put in there. I will need to have someone watch Aidan while to do that, because there is no way I can keep an eye on him while sorting through that mess. The rest of what I need to do I can do while he is around. It will be quicker and easier while he sleeps, but I can do it even with him trying to unpack whatever I pack. LOL) I know that was a very long winded thing to put in parentheses.

I crocheted a knee warmer/brace for Howard. It fits tight enough to give him support and keeps it warm so it aches less. I also started a hat for Aidan. I know he probably won't wear it, but I like the pattern and wanted to make it so I am. LOL

Here are three of the photos I've created today. The all started the same, this first one I blurred the background some to hide the mess on the table as well as focus your attention on Aidan.

This second one is a black and white version with a touch of color in the apple, unfortunately the apple is very dark and doesn't make the impact I'd like. I'll have to play with things and see if I can highlight the apple more.

Well, I can't seem to get the other two pictures to post, so I'll have to try later.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Christmas Pictures.

The Moose that Grammie and Grandaddy sent to Aidan. He loves it.

The cool new truck!

Aidan with Mommy, in the new jacket Grammy and Grandaddy sent.

With Daddy and Little Ti.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Wheel of the year photo project.

Over at Perwari's Prattle she's set up a photo challenge, she's calling it "Wheel of the Year".

"Here's the rules:

Step 1: on January 1st, take 12 photographs around your neighbourhood. These locations must be places that you can get the exact same shot of throughout the year - so make a note of exactly where you stood, the composition of the shot, etc.

Step 2: on February 1st and each 1st of the month throughout 2006, go back to those same 12 places and take the exact same photo as you did on January 1st.

Step 3: by December 1st 2006, you should have a 12x12 grid of photographs recording the changes of the passing year in your neighbourhood. Upload it to your webspace of choice and if enough people are interested, I'll arrange for a page on this site where you can post your links so you can see everyone's compositions, otherwise just stick the link in the comments of my Dec 1st, 2006 entry.

Important considerations:

Choose your locations carefully. You've got just over a month to think through where you would like them to be. I suggest local and fairly close together, mainly because you're committing to retracing your steps every 1st of the month. If you've spaced them too widely or made them awkward to get to, then you'll have an excuse to give up half way through, or fail to get them done on the right day dosen't really matter, if you're a day early or a day late one month due to personal circumstances, but would be more satisfying to have them on the 1st each month.
Get other people involved. These sorts of projects are so much more fun if lots of people get involved - would be fantastic if we could see the change of the seasons all over the world.
Remember variety is the spice of life. 12 tree pictures would be fairly dull, although a landscape in at least one of them should probably be compulsory! Be creative with your ideas. "

I think it's going to be interesting. I'm not sure what I'll do my pictures of. At least one group will be of Aidan, maybe in front of his growth chart. Maybe my tree out front, a construction site down the road, the intersection by the school, art projects, farm land, or ... I think I need to think about this a little more. LOL We might be moving back to Oregon this year, which may actually be 2 or 3 moves depending on exactly how we decide to do it. So maybe I should pick things that will be easy to find some thing similar where ever we go.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Another picture post.

Here is an edited picture. I removed the original background and added this Christmas/Yule themed one. I think it worked out ok. His right hand and lower arm are kind of strange, because in the original there was a plastic jar with a green lid there, I removed it along with the background, so his arm and hand are a little cut off. But I don't think it's really noticeable, what do you think?

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The year in Review.

Find the first entry for each month of 2005. Post the first line of it in your journal, and that’s your “Year In Review”. "Purple Goddess" has this on her blog, so I borrowed it. Here is my year in review.

January: While Aidan still isn't talking as much as I would expect him to be at 22 months, he did pick up a couple of new words over the Holidays.

February: My visit to Oregon was very nice. The wedding was beautiful, I saw family and friends that I haven't seen in awhile.

March: My Mother-in-law is in the hospital. She wasn't taking her meds correctly and got neumonia.

April: A closer look at Aidan using an old laptop.

May: I've been noticing how different things are raising Aidan than it was with Christopher and Allen.

June: I'd like to say that something exciting has happened, or that I've had some kind of epiphany.

July: My toes are doing much better. I still think the middle one is broken, but it's healing.

August: Allen, Belinda and Xander are going to be in Oregon today!

September: I was playing around with the photo editing program that came with my printer/scanner and added text to some of them.

October: This is proof that Howard is teaching Aidan bad habits.

November:I finally found a photo editing program with clear directions on how to do what I really wanted to do. And it was FREE! So here is my favorite so far.

December: Dear Xander,
I wish I could call and tell you how much you mean to me.

Friday, December 09, 2005


There's been some discussion lately about saying "Happy Holidays" or "Merry Christmas", and whether or not people are or should be bothered when someone uses the wrong one. I am hearing that it's usually Christians who are feeling the most put out over the whole debate. They feel that by saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" their religion is being slighted. The Christ is being taken out of Christmas. The Pagan or other non-Christians who has stated that it bothers them when someone says "Merry Christmas", seem to be the younger people, and/or the ones who are newest to their religion. Are the young usually more militant?

On a slightly related note, if you found out that your favorite shop/restaurant/store supported groups or philosophic that are diametrically opposed to your own beliefs, would you stop going there and giving them your business? Would you feel guilty for shopping there before you knew? How much research do you put into such things?

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Happy Birthday!

Dear Xander,

I wish I could call and tell you how much you mean to me. But I can't do that, so I'm hoping that your Mom will see this and let you know that I'm thinking about you today. I know that we don't know each other very well, and that makes me a little sad, but I know that you have a wonderful Mom and Dad, who love you even more than I do.

It's hard to believe that you are already 7 years old! I remember hearing that you were on your way into the world seven years ago. I was thinking about you and your parents wondering if you had been born yet. I was filled with love and joy when I heard that you and your Mom were doing well. It's interesting to me to think of how much I love you, my first grandchild.

I hope that your day is as special for you as you are to me. I wish I could be with you, to hug you and play with you. Aidan would have so much fun with his big friend Xander. Grandpa Howard told me to tell you that he hopes you have a great birthday. We all love you very much!

Kiss your Mom for me.


Saturday, November 26, 2005

Thanksgiving food and 2.75 year old melt down.

I made a Pumpkin cheesecake for Thanksgiving. It turned out really good. I'm not sure is anyone else liked it, but Howard, Aidan and I did. I also made a pumpkin bread, I KNOW that the kids liked that!

unfortunately Aidan had a major melt down just before dinner. I think it was a combination of too much action, not eating at the normal times, and missing his afternoon nap. But he was screaming, hitting himself, kicking his feet and crying. He wouldn't calm down for almost half an hour. Howard took him outside and just let him do it. He stood there to make sure he didn't really hurt himself. Things got worse whenever Howard tried to talk to him, or tried to calm him in any way, so all he could do was sit back and watch. Finally I went outside, it must have been the right moment because Aidan came into my arms and calmed down a little. He was still crying, as if he was extremely sad. We decided that it was time to take him home, and gathered things. By the time we left, Aidan was almost normal again. Once we got home, he ate a little, and went to bed. It was about 45 minutes earlier than normal. He's been fine since, so he isn't coming down with anything. (Thank Goodness!) This is not normal for him, I can count the melt downs we have had to go through on one hand. I wish I could have stopped this one. I'll have to be sure that Aidan gets a nap before we go over for Christmas. And I need to remember that when they say 2 or 3 as the time to arrive that it's more likely to be 5 or 6 before everyone gets there and we are able to have dinner. SO I need to make sure that Aidan is rested and has had something to eat BEFORE we get there. Oh, and we won't be going over until 5 or so. I felt so bad for Aidan, he must have been so overwhelmed. And now everyone has this image of him that isn't even close to how he really is. On top of that, all the other kids spend time together so they know each other well, and they had their GrandMother and Great-Grandmother there to be on their side and think they are the coolest, best and cutest. Aidan had his Daddy and me. Which is normally enough, but he didn't have anyone SPECIALLY his. Maybe if Jimmy and
Buna were here it would have been different. Maybe not. At least he isn't old enough to really notice the differences. Am I being overly bothered and worried about this?

Whining and self pity.

I'm still feeling very emotional. I miss my family and friends SO very much! Maybe it's my hormones causing this unusually sad feeling. I know that things are changing inside me, I think I'm getting closer to menopause. So I'm likely to be feeling kind of... off... for awhile. I just feel so alone here, I don't have any friends that are not Howard's family. My family are all so far away. Even my brother Cody is kind of out of reach for the most part. Well, at least Aidan is here to help bring my mood up a little. And Howard has been pretty understanding through it all. He wants to move back to Oregon even more than I do, so I guess it's pretty easy for him to understand how I miss home.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


Howard and I have been a little sick the last couple of days. I think that we are finally on the mend now though.

Tomorrow we will be going over to his Aunt's house for Thanksgiving. I'm making a Pumpkin Cheesecake for the pot luck type dinner. I hope it turns out well.

I miss MY family and friends very very much. This time of year it seems to get worse, maybe because I have more time to think about them. I want you all to know that I'm thinking of you, I wish we could share Thanksgiving. I love you all.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Aidan and bed time.

We've had a few really busy days lately. Aidan isn't getting naps in the afternoon very often any more, which means he is more tired in the evenings. On Saturday we were out most of the afternoon, we are running the truck while Jimmy is on vacation. Aidan got to see some cows at the a dairy we were working at, and ran around and had a good time. We had dinner around 5, and then watched a little TV. Aidan got up from his chair and wandered off into his bedroom. I could hear him playing in there. After awhile I noticed that I hadn't heard him in a little while. I thought he had some how gotten into my bedroom, he loves to go in there for some reason. So I got up to check on him. But he wasn't back there. I looked in his room and he was up on his bed, covered up, and snuggled with his Elmo, fast asleep. (Elmo used to be mine, The Girl and Hennifer gave him to me, but Aidan fell in love with him so now Elmo is his. I hope they don't mind.) That is the first time he has ever done that. He did wake up around 11, but a diaper change and Pajamas, and a hug and kiss did the trick. He slept the rest of the night. Lately if we ask him if he is ready for night-night, he will go get Elmo and go to his bed. Well, if it's about 8 o'clock or there abouts. No bed time problems yet, thank goodness.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Another knitting post.

Well I actually did it, I got some wonderful yarn and made a sweater for Aidan. It's not really high quality yarn, but it's really soft and it looks good. I made it with Lion Brand Homespun yarn in "Montana Sky" which is a nice blue, kind of bumpy yarn.

It's too big, I had to knit it when he was sleeping so I just did it. LOL The sleeves and the lower edge have a roll built in. It's hooded, and should have a pocket on the front but I ran out of yarn before I got that far. He likes it ok, but since the sleeves are so long it's a bit of a problem, even rolled up the sleeves tend to slip down over his hands.

Friday, November 11, 2005

I got new glasses

Three or four weeks ago the right lens fell out of my glasses and broke. So I went in for a check up and to order new glasses. They arrived a couple of days ago, but I didn't get the notice until today. So here are a couple of pictures of me with my new glasses. They are the smallest lenses I've ever had, except maybe when I was a small child. The color in the photos is kind of poor, we were inside and didn't want to use the flash. I'll get some better photos soon.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Photo editing.

I finally found a photo editing program with clear directions on how to do what I really wanted to do. And it was FREE! So here is my favorite so far.

It was really very easy. The program is GIMP. There are a few other things I want to do, one of which is to change the back ground.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Pictures of the Furbrains and Aidan.

Here is a picture of litte Tee. He thought he was hunting in the tall grass under the cooler. It was hard to get a good shot of him today. He was very active, pouncing and jumping at the worst possible moment for photos.

This is Kee and Tee. I just got lucky in catching Tee mid-pounce.

Aidan liked this old riding mower. He climbed up on it and pretended to drive it. Here he is looking at his Daddy.

We went to visit Howards cousin Derrail, they have this little picnic table for their grandson, The boys were sitting on it for a time, but Caleb (The grandson) decided to get up. Then he sat on the ground behind Aidan. I knelt down to get a picture of Caleb. Aidan leaned down and peeked at me.

New knitting dilemma.

I've started a sweater for Aidan, I hope I have enough light blue yarn to at least finish the front and the back, I have some white and a multi-colored yarn with blue in it that would make good sleeves, hood and pocket. Or maybe I'll make the sleeves out of the light blue yarn and use the others for the body. Hmmm I might just have to go to the store and get something just for this sweater. Howard isn't really excited about sweaters for boys, but I think they are cool, and I can make one for a lot less than we can buy one for. Besides here in California it doesn't get all that cold so a sweater just might be a good choice instead of a coat. However, if we move back home to Oregon, we will have to find him a coat. Well, actually he has one I'm just not sure if it will fit for the whole winter. But in Salem we can go to the clothing by the pound shop, and maybe there will be something good there. I know that everything will work out ok, because I'll make sure of it. LOL

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Cats renamed

Aidan has renamed our cats. The Mama cat was named Miss Psycho Kitty Furbrains McMillen, and the little boy kitty was Monster Child Furbrains McMillen. Now they are just Kee and Tee. Key is probably actually Ki, short for Kitty, and Tea, is probably actually Ty another shortened Kitty. But he knows which one is which and calls them by those names every time. I kind of like the new names anyway. But I'm going to keep the Furbrains part.

Blog stuff.

So you ever feel slighted by your on-line friends? For example, I submitted a comment to a blog I visit every day, and she never approved it. No explanation, nothing. It's not really a big deal, but for some reason I feel hurt by it. I almost don't want to visit her blog any more. It's such a small thing, but for some odd reason it's grown to be a very large thing in my mind. I'll get over it soon enough I'm sure.

My other favorites seem to be doing okay, although one of them has decided to stop blogging for now. I'll miss her, she has 2 little boys. One of them is a little older than Aidan and the other is a little younger. They live in England. It's been a lot of fun and very informative as well. But I understand her reasons and I support her choice.

I wish more of my family would write blogs, so I could keep up with what is happening with them. So far my 2 sister friends have blogs, and a couple of our friends. (actually my sister-friends are much closer to them than I am.) My son Chris has a blog, but he doesn't post often at all. That's it, everyone else I read on a regular basis are on-line friends, some of them don't even know I read them I'm sure. I have posted comments on a couple of them though.

I really admire those who have blogs. Keep it up. Inform us, help us, entertain us, keep your friends and family up to date on what you are doing. It is appreciated, even if no one says so.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Childhood perspectives.

It's interesting how we have a different perspective when we are children. Allen thinks I'm a TV addict, because the TV was on most of the time when he was little. But if he had been just a little bit more observant he would have noticed that I was reading or doing some craft or writing or something. The TV was background noise for me. Music was too distracting for the most part so I didn't listen to the radio or tapes often. I can't deal with the quiet either, so I needed something and TV was perfect. Neither of the boys were all that into TV either, Allen was more interested in people and being outside, Chris was into computers and reading. TV was background noise for them too, I think. But Allen thinks I was watching TV all that time, probably because of the few programs I really did watch. To a child it probably did seem like I watched a lot of TV, especially since he didn't watch much at all. Oh well, I doubt I could get him to change his view of it, so I won't even try.

Aidan is a lot like Allen in a couple of really important ways. First of all, he eats only when he wants to. Some days he eats and eats and eats, and other days he hardly eats at all. Allen used to be like that when he was younger. Aidan is pretty active, like Allen was, and he isn't all that interested in the TV. So I'm hoping that Aidan will be in much better shape than I am in. I am hoping he will be more like Allen and will be slim.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Aidan kisses Dora

So far Aidan hasn't had much preference about the things he wears. As long as he has clothing enough to keep warm or be allowed outside he is fine. I think that is going to change soon though. A couple of days ago we were grocery shopping, we were in the cereal section, when Aidan spotted Dora on a box of KIX, he doesn't usually eat KIX, but he just had to have THAT box. He even kissed her picture on the front of the box! I wonder how long it will be until he sees a shirt with one of the Backyardagains on it and just has to have it. He only watches about 10 minutes of any show right now, so maybe it will be longer than I think. I hope so, because those cloths are expensive! Oh and right now he is between sizes, his 2T pants are getting short, above his ankles, and 3T's are about 2 inches too long as well as a bit too big around the waist. I did hear that Levis slims are good for little boys who are not chubby. I'll have to look into them.

On a different note, Aidan has developed a taste for grapes. He still likes apples, oranges, peaches, blueberries and pears, but he would turn all of those down to have some grapes. Like most kids he likes candy and other sweets, but give him fresh fruit and he's happy. I'm trying to keep things balanced for him, not deny him sugar but keep a limit on it. He eats fairly well, he likes veggies, fruit, eggs, and dairy products. Some days he eats a lot of food, some days he eats a little food. The only problem I have with him is that he won't drink water. So I'm slowly watering down his juice and koolade hoping that he will eventually be ok with drinking plain water.

Friday, October 07, 2005

This and that.

This is proof that Howard is teaching Aidan bad habits. LOL I know that it was an almost empty milk jug. It didn't have enough left in it for a glass, but they both got a talking to about it.

Wish us luck, we have started on the long rocky road known to parents as Potty Training. It may still be a little early, in terms of his vocabulary and desire, but we are trying to set the stage for later advancement. He has training pants, and Howard got him some pull-ups kind of things at the store the other day. So far Aidan has peed in the toilet a couple of times, but still no poop. He doesn't tell me when he has to go, and I don't think he even cares if he is wet or poopy. But he does have a little seat that fits on the toilet seat, and a step stool so he can reach it by himself. I'm hoping that when it's really the right time he will do it just as quickly as he did when he moved to his bed from his crib.

Aidan is now saying "Thank you" and "Be careful" in pretty much the correct situations. He says "Cake" and "Coke" but neither of them usually mean actually cake or coke. Coke means that he wants something to drink, and cake means he wants a treat. Grapes are cake, fruit snakes are cake, and cake is cake. Milk and juice are coke, and any carbonated drink is also coke. But we are working on it. He still calls all animals Buddy. He knows that our kitten is a baby so he calls him Baby, and the Mom kitty is Kitty, as if they are named Baby and Kitty.

No news about a bigger house, or a job. There are possibilities though, so maybe I'll have good news for you all soon. It's about time that we finally have something good happen for us. But at least we have each other, and even though we are rather poor and live in a junky little house we are happy to be together.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Operation Eden

Here at Operation Eden a talented young man tells the story of the little town, Pearlington Mississippi, his Mother and brother live in. He has taken some wonderful pictures of the people and devastating pictures of the damage that hurricane Katrina did there. He has of a list of things that the people there need, things that are not getting to them through the Red Cross or FEMA. Like most blogs you need to start at the bottom and read upwards. He has a talent with photos as well as words. Check it out if you have the time.
I was going to post yesterday, but Blogger was down for a scheduled maintains. It was supposed to be only one hour, but 2 hours after it was supposed to be finished I still couldn't get on. This morning I don't remember what I was going to say. Oh well.

I had to get a new key board. Aidan spilled juice on my old one. It was 7 years old, and ergonomic style keyboard. So now I am having to get used to this new one. It's just a cheap traditional keyboard. The design is a little different, and of course the board it's self isn't split like my old one, so I keep hitting the wrong keys. (sigh) I'll get used to it, and my typing speed will get back to normal soon enough.

Aidan has learned to say "I love you too." It actually sounds more like "Of you too." But it is so sweet to hear. He has been watching
Dora lately, and says "Backpack" but not when they ask kids to say it during the show. LOL He know what the backpack is though, because he points to it and says "Backpack". I'll have to see if he knows his backpack is a backpack.

Yesterday DJ turned 1. I wish I cold have been there to give him hugs and kisses and plenty of love. It was really nice spending so much time with him back in February. I miss my family so much! And my friends! I'm hoping that we can get back to Oregon pretty soon. I just don't know when that will be.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Tears of love.

I read The Girl almost everyday. This morning I got all teary eyed, because I wish I could be there to help her, because I love her and her family. And because I can't be there. I'm sure she knows that I love her, that I would do anything possible for her. However, I can't do anything about this particular situation. I have every confidence that she will be able to handle whatever life throws her way. Go in love, Little Sister.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Except for allergies I'm feeling much better now. Whatever it was went away almost as suddenly as it came. Thank goodness.

I'm thinking about baking some cinnamon rolls tonight or tomorrow. I've been wanting cinnamon rolls the last couple of days. Maybe I'll bake some bread too ... Maybe not. LOL It's getting easier to do things while Aidan is awake. He likes to pretend he is washing dishes while I cook. So I give him some plastic plates and cups and turn of the cold water. He will happily "wash" them for up to half an hour with out getting bored. Sometimes there is water on the floor but that's not too much of a problem considering I can do things in the kitchen and not have to worry about where he is and what he is doing.

Now that everything is finally cleaned up after my visitors this summer, I hope I can keep it up. That will keep my life more relaxed. We still haven't heard about moving, Howard is really getting tired of California. He would pack up today and go back to Oregon, if we had enough money to get a U-Haul. I'm a little more cautious. I'd like to have a plan before we do anything. I'd also like to have the adoption finished. But I don't know if that is going to happen. It could take 6 months or more, once we figure out how much money we will need. I have read that a home study isn't necessary, so that would save some money, if that is true. There are also ways to have some of the fees waived. I think it would be easier, and quicker to do it here. Aidan was born here and there are plenty of people who could testify about the situation. Oh well, I guess we will do what we have to do when we can.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Unknown illness.

I've had head aches and upset stomach for the last 3 days. All I've really wanted to do is sleep. That is something really hard to do when I have a family that doesn't seem to be able to function with out my help. Actually they do fine for the most part, but neither of them are used to not having me around to do things, so some things don't get done. I think I'm feeling better tonight so maybe it's past.

I need to e-mail my Mom to let her know that we aren't going to have a cell phone for a little while. We can't afford it right now, the service we were using didn't have a good connection around here, no connection in the house, and the battery on the phone wouldn't hold a charge very long. We tried to take it back to the store, and they said that they couldn't even order a new battery for us we would have to call the main office and talk to them. The main office told us to go to the store and refused to believe we had already done that. I need to let her know because I was calling every week-end and I don't want her to think I'm upset or anything.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Comment for charity.

This wonderful man will donate $1 to help those suffering from Katrina, for every one who comments to his post. He asked that the link be shared around the internet, so here it is. Go on over and post a comment. While there you might want to check into the rest of his blog, he's a writer with a book almost ready to present to publishers. I found this on His blog.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

More words!

Today Aidan came over to me and said "Gi me fie." and held his hand out palm up. It was so exciting that he said some thing new and knew exactly what it meant. So I "gave him five" as asked and he said it again. We played this game for a few minutes, then he got distracted by something across the room.

Monday, September 05, 2005

What Aidan is up to now.

Right now we are watching Sesame Street, they are singing the "School" song in Elmo's world. For those of you who don't know about Elmo's world, all the songs are sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells" and the words are repeated over and over. So the "School" song goes something like this: "School, school, school. School, school, school." I'm sure you get the idea. Anyway, Aidan is standing in front of the TV singing with them! What he is singing sounds like "Cool, cool, cool." but it is obvious that he is singing and dancing with Elmo and the others. It's the first time he has done this, and the first time he has used the word School.

He has also started to say "Eww, yucky!" when someone farts. Sometimes he uses it when he doesn't want something, or if he isn't hungry and is offered something to eat. He still doesn't say important words like "hungry or thirsty" or any other words to get what he wants. He does often say "thank you", and sometimes "you're welcome". It seems like he is making some progress with talking. My Mom thinks he doesn't talk because he doesn't have to, that might be part of it but I think it's more than that.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Happy Birthday!

Today my son, Allen, turns 23! I so, enjoyed his visit but wish that it had been able to last until his birthday, so that I could have been with him. Oh well, I'm sure he has plans. Anyway, even though I know he doesn't read blogs, I just wanted to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my sweet little boy.
(Ok so he isn't so little any more, but he is sweet.)

Friday, September 02, 2005

Word verification turned on.

I got my first comment spam today. I deleted it and turned on the word verification for comments. Now when you comment you will have to verify that you are a real person and not a bot. I'm sorry it's a bit of an inconvenience.

Summer 2005

I was playing around with the photo editing program that came with my printer/scanner and added text to some of them.

Here are a few of my favorites.

Wednesday, August 31, 2005


Belinda and Allen.

Xander with Belinda in the back ground. I'll post some more when I can find the camera.

Everyone went home.

Saturday we all went to Turlock so the kids could play in the park with Cody's kids. I think that Xander had a good time with the kids, Aidan couldn't really keep up with them all the time but he had a good time as well. Then we went to Cody's house and I was able to visit with Kelly and everyone until about 11PM! It was great. But then we had to come home. Allen, Xander and Belinda had to stay at Cody's so that they could go to San Francisco Sunday. I miss them so much. Sunday evening my Mom came down from Cody's and stayed until this morning. Now all I have left is dirty dishes, and a house that feels very empty all of a sudden!

I enjoyed spending time with Xander, we were able to talk some. He is really fun to have around. I wish I lived closer to him so we could spend more time together. I enjoyed Allen and Belinda as well.

Now I have to figure out how to stop feeling so alone! I didn't really realize that I missed my family so much, until they were here.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

They are here!

Allen, Xander and Belinda made it here early this morning. It was about 3:45 AM when the called to get directions. By 4 they were here. They all laid down for a little bit. My Mom, who had driven them down here, slept for almost an hour. Then she went up to my brother Cody's house. Right now Allen and Belinda are still asleep, Xander woke up a little while ago. We are watching Dora the Explorer, because I'm too tired to do anything else with him right now. Maybe I'll get a nap later. Howard is working with his cousin right now, but when he gets back he is planning to fill the ring on the top of the pool with air and fill the pool so that this afternoon the boys can play in the water. I know there will be lots to tell you all about this visit, I'll try to update often.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Things I am not happy about.

Feeling like 95 degrees is a relief from the heat!

BUGS! I can't seem to get rid of the bugs, I've cleaned and sprayed and squashed, and still the ants keep coming! We've had other bugs as well, even the dreaded roaches. (I think we are actually making progress but I've had to resort to bug sprays and unpacking things I didn't want unpacked.)

Terrible two's! Especially because he doesn't talk enough yet to tell me what he wants.

Diapers! We are trying to potty train Aidan, but since he doesn't say "potty" or anything else it's kind of frustrating for all of us, but I hate changing diapers so I have to knuckle down and do it.

Feeling tired so much of the time.

All the aches and pains that go with being older and overweight.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

feel free to repost as a statement against homophobia

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Snagged from Purple Goddess. Who got it from Flidhais

Friday, August 05, 2005

Allen and Aidan updates.

Allen called yesterday, they are in Oregon and doing well. I guess they missed their flight and had to wait 6 hours for another. But everything is fine now. They are planning on leaving to come down here on either the 20th or the 21st. Hooray! I can't wait to see them.

Aidan update: He still calls all animals "Buddy", but he thinks our cats name is "Kitty". He says Buddy strangely too. Something like "Buh-DEE". He reminds me of Allen when he was this age, not the talking specifically, just in general. He will eat a lot on some days, and almost nothing on others. He is thin, but not skinny. He would always rather be outside than inside, no matter how hot, cold, wet, or windy. He hasn't figured out that rules are always rules, he seems to think that it's ok to do something later even though we told him not to before.

Monday, August 01, 2005

August visits.

Allen, Belinda and Xander are going to be in Oregon today! Actually I'm not sure it will be today, or tomorrow, but I like to think it's today. Later this month they will down here for a few days before going back to NYC.

I don't think I've seen Xander for nearly 4 years. I've seen pictures, of course, and I've talked to him on the phone several times over the years. I hope that he won't be too bored while he is here, and that we can figure out enough vegetarian food for everyone to be happy.

I am really worried that things won't be right during their visit. Our house is so small, it's summer and we can't get rid of the bugs. It's going to be hot, I don't know very much about vegetarian cooking, and I don't have much for a 6 year old to do.

I hope that Aidan will not cause too much of a problem, I know that Belinda doesn't want to have any kids, two year olds can be quite a pain for even the most tolerant of people. I haven't met her so I don't know he feelings about kids. She might love them, enjoy playing with them, be tolerant of every little quirk even the worst behaved child can have, but just doesn't feel the desire to have any of her own for her own reasons. Or she could be nervous around kids, quickly irritated by them and grossed out by the thought of grubby little hands touching her. I'm sure that she wouldn't be coming to visit if she really felt the latter, I'm sure that Allen has told her enough about us that she knows how things are around here. But I worry anyway. I want her visit to be good, I want to get to know her and to become friends with her. Especially if she is going to be in my son's life, and the life of my Grandson.

I want Xander to be happy while he is here as well. In fact I'm more worried about how he will feel about Aidan than anyone else. 6 year old boys and 2 year old boys don't have a lot in common. It can be quite annoying when someone keep bothering you, Aidan is good at that. (Oh, and I'm sure Xander won't like being called a baby. That's what Aidan says when he sees kids, to him they are all babies.) From what my Mom and Dad say Xander is a very nice and polite child, so I'm sure that he won't make a big fuss, but I don't want his visit to feel uncomfortable to him.

It will be okay I'm sure. I'm just looking forward to this visit so much! I want everything to be as perfect as possible. (Sigh)

"Everything will be fine. Everything - Will - Be - Fine." Whisper to myself.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Adagio Tea

This place has some really great teas. I like their paper filters which are kind of like tea bags but allow you to fill them with the tea you like best. Howard can take them to work and make a cup of tea without any mess. I would like to have this for here at home. I don't drink a lot of tea, but I might if it were easier. Howard like Herbal teas, I think I'd go for Green or Black myself. Anyway, if you get the chance check them out. Try their teas. I think you'll like it.

Sunday, July 17, 2005


I've been thinking a lot about family lately. I know that I am lucky to have a relatively close relationship with my family. I don't have a lot in common with my brother Cody, except that we both have young children. But we seem to get along pretty well for the most part. Mark and I are great friends. We think alike on several issues, but can debate without anger on those issues we differ on. My Mom is one of my best friends, and I love my Dad very much. I never had a sister though. I think I would have liked to have one.

Some Native American groups have interesting family relationships. Along with the blood relatives there are also family by choice. They call them, as close as possible a translation into English as we can, Sister/Brother/Mother/Father/Uncle/Aunt Friends. You treat these people the same way you would blood family. They have the same rights and responsibilities.

I've thought about finding a Sister Friend to help fill that place in my life. I know of two young ladies that I already feel very close to. In fact one of them might already fit that description, at least she used to. We used to go to the SCA together, and our background story was that we were sisters. We even told people at school that we were sisters. We were often told that there was a family resemblance between us. LOL I'm 45 and she is 30 so it's possible. Especially since my Mom had me when she was only 16, so she would have been only 31 when my sister was born.

The other woman I'd like as a Sister Friend also turned 30 recently. Like me she is the oldest, but she has sisters as well as brothers. She is strong and supportive, and a very loving woman. If I could design a perfect sister for me, I would want her to be as close as possible to my friend. One of the best things about these two women, is the fact that they are best friends.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

California living.

This morning, when I took Howard to work, at 8:50 AM, the Walgreens sign, you know the kind that shows the time, the temp. and whatever specials are going on now, read 84 degrees! At 8:50! It's supposed to be around 104 or so later today. I don't do well in the heat, the cold hurts, but I can put on more cloths and it's fairly easy to warm up, but cooling off is not so easy. There are only so much you can do. We are told to conserve energy, or we might experience rolling brown outs. Have I mentioned that I don't want to live in California any more?

In other news, Allen is going to be on the West Coast next month! Xander and Belinda are going to be with him! I'm so excited! I can hardly wait. I'm not sure what we will do when they are here at my place, I'm not sure where we will put them. But we will work it all out. I just hope that they will have a good time and will enjoy their visit as much as I expect I will.

I'm still going through and sorting stuff here in the living room, after I'm done in here, I'll go through the boxes in Aidan's closet, maybe he will actually have space in there for his stuff someday! I really want out of this house, and out of this State, but in the mean time I have to make do with what I have.

I pre-ordered the new Harry Potter book months ago, I just got an e-mail saying that it's going to be delayed until the 20th. I was supposed to get it the 16th, so I could get it without all the hassle in the store. Now it looks like I should have just waited and gone through the lines anyway. I did save a few dollars with the pre-order, so maybe it's worth it after all. (sigh) Oh well, it's too late to do anything about it now. Next time I'll think about it a little bit more.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

The room after a couple of days.

This is the way Aidan seems to like his room! Almost all his toys are on the floor.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

Aidan's room

Here are a few pictures of Aidan's room when all the toys are put away. The closet is full of boxes, and other stuff.

This is his bed. The sheets are purple for the top sheet and the bottom sheet is black. The comforter has a fireman theme. There is a box under the toys, somewhere. It used to be one of those red recycle boxes. We can't recycle curbside here so we use it for toys.

At the head of his bed he has this big Mickey Mouse. These are his favorite trucks he likes to sleep with them. His little plastic wagon is under the dump truck. I didn't use a flash, so the pictures are all slightly yellow even with the fixes my picture program has. I have a couple of pictures of what his room looks like afterwards. Maybe I'll post them later. I'm using the new option for uploading pictures, I'll have to get used to it to figure out placement. But I think I like it, because I can do more than one at a time.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Toes, nose and throat.

My toes are doing much better. I still think the middle one is broken, but it's healing. It itches like crazy. I caught some kind of sinus/head cold/sickness from Howard. The pressure and the head ache it caused was awful, the post nasal drip down the back of my throat caused it to feel like I'd swallowed a hand full of razor blades. Thank goodness that only lasted 4 days! I'm almost back to normal now. Unfortunately I have to catch up on a weeks worth of dirty dishes. Howard is a wonderful man who took over child care and dinners while I was feeling sick. But he hates washing dishes even more than I do. So they stacked up. Hopefully I'll be able to stand at the sink long enough to do a drainer full a couple times a day until they get caught up. Then I can get back into the purging of things we really don't need. I'm a real pack rat, I'd like to end that habit.

Maybe I'll post some pictures of Aidan's room, when it was actually cleaned up. I haven't done any painting or other decorating in there yet, it's just his bed and his toys. But that's enough. LOL He has several large stuffed toys, lots of Large blocks, small stuffed toys, and cars and trucks in all sizes.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Around noon today, I dropped a board on my foot. I think my middle toe is broken, it's swollen and hurts just to touch it. Of course the board broke the skin on two of my toes, the middle one and the one next to the big toe, so I had to put bandages on them. Now the middle one hurts even more. I'd take a picture but I'd have to remove the wild animal bandages that are on them.

I'm going through things again. Tossing even more stuff. Unfortunately that means that the living-room is pretty messy as I sort through things. Now that I hurt my toes, I'm going to have to re-evaluate what I'm going to do and how I'm going to do it. I think one of my end tables is going to get taken out. One leg came off when we moved in here. I might be able to fix it, but it will probably always be weak. If I do fix it I'll try to find someplace to put it where it won't get abused by Aidan who seems to think that tables are for playing on.

The heat of summer has finally hit. It will be in the 100's for the next few days. I hate the heat! Well, at least my cooler is working, it makes things bearable. I hope you all can keep cool, and enjoy the summer.

One word.

From Jennifer St. Clair

Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.
It can only be one word.
No more.
Then copy & and paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.

Friday, June 24, 2005


Everything is back to normal now, I'm not constantly worried about Aidan getting lost. I still keep a close eye on him, but I always did that. I'm even less worried about letting Aidan go outside with Howard. I realize that Howard was just as scared as I was, and has learned something about being a parent.

Aidan can count to 10! Well, I'm not sure that anyone but Howard and I would know that is what he is doing. LOL He sometimes skips 6 or 7, but he loves 3, 8, 9 and 10. He still isn't talking very much. It's starting to get frustrating for him and for me. Maybe the frustration will help him want to talk more. It's fun watching him learn new things. I'm thrilled with his love of books, even though he won't often sit still long enough for me to read one to him. He will sit down on his own and look at them and pretend to read one of them. He still loves his cars and trucks best of all his toys, he even likes to sleep with them. I'll have to get a picture of that one of these days.

I want to paint the rest of the kitchen, but I don't know when there will be time for it, actually time enough without Aidan getting underfoot.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Over the week-end

This week end was pretty busy for us. Friday Howard worked with his cousin Jimmy, while Aidan and I just went about our normal day.

Saturday we went shopping at Ross again. This time the store had a more normal amount of customers. We found a nice pair of slacks for Howard to wear to work. (I don't think I mentioned before, but Howard is working part time temporary for the City of Atwater. It's a possibility that it could develop into a permanent full time job eventually.) The slacks were only $14, the original price tag was $50 so we felt like we did pretty well on them. I found a cute orange t-shirt with Scooby Doo on the front for Aidan and Howard found a set of Spiderman summer pajamas. I got another pair of jeans, a pair of purple velvet lounge pants, and a top that Howard likes but I'll never wear in public because I have to wear it braless and at my age gravity is taking over if you know what I mean. LOL We spent close to $10 on Aidans stuff, and about $17 on my stuff.

Sunday we woke up a little later than usual, Aidan and I got up and let Howard sleep a little bit longer, then we went in to wake him up and give him his card and the cereal box. We had fun playing together. Then I made breakfast. Aidan and Howard playing together until nearly lunch time. We decided that we had to do laundry and that we wanted it to take as little time as possible, so we went to the laundry mat. Now we have lots of clean cloths. We had lunch at a little sandwich shop next door to the laundry mat. After that we went out to a family reunion. It was actually Jimmy's family (The side Howard isn't related to) but they wanted us to be there anyway. It was really nice, it was held in the yard of one of the family. They had 2 bouncy houses, games and wading pools and lots of kids. Everything was great until I asked Howard to watch Aidan so I could visit with out worrying about where he was. (The yard wasn't fenced and there was a road where people seemed to drive extra fast.) I guess Howard let Aidan out of the bouncy house, and thought he was going to me. I never saw him although some other people had seen him behind me for a while. Anyway, I went looking for Aidan over with Howard, he didn't know where he was. We started looking around, behind the cars, in the house, in the tents ... everywhere.

About 30 people from the reunion helped search. I was getting more and more upset, when someone mentioned the canal and asked if anyone had looked there. I almost fainted when I thought he might have fallen in. A minute or so later someone called "We found him!"

Aidan had walked down the road pretty far, I'm thinking that the distance to the corner where he was found is about the same distance as a normal block and a half. Some people found him and were going house to house searching for where he belonged. When I got my hand on him, I was crying and telling him that he did something very naughty and hugging him and wanting to spank him all at the same time! We left the reunion soon after that, because I was so upset.

I was very angry with Howard. He was supposed to watch Aidan, and didn't do a good enough job of it. I'm still a little angry, I follow Aidan everywhere he goes, or at least keep an eye on him at all times. I'm scared to let Howard watch Aidan if they are going to be outside, what if he gets busy with something and Aidan gets away from him again? What if the next time we are not so lucky? I think I'd loose it if something happened to Aidan. (Any of my sons actually.) I'm still shaking inside.

I hope you all had a good week-end.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Father's Day thing.

Father's Day Cereal box. Posted by Hello
I'm not sure why it's so blurry, but this is the best of 6 pictures, so there you go. It's a mini cereal box, the one serving size. The brand name across the top says "Aidan's Best Cereal" The kind of Cereal is "Father's Day Puffs" and the little blurb under the title says "Chocolate goodness for Daddy!" I think you can see the picture ok, but if not it the Cool kid picture from a few days ago. I actually put cereal in the box, Cocoa Puffs. It was fun making it!

Home Made Father's Day.

Thanks to Shylah I found a special home made Father's Day gift for Howard. It's at Mr Breakfast . I'll post pictures in a little bit, so you probably have already seen what I did. Now all I have to do is wait until Sunday. (Have I mentioned that I hate to wait? LOL)

Monday, June 13, 2005

Monday positives.

A few things I'm thankful for:

A pool to cool off in.
A happy healthy child.
The chance to do things I want to do.
Owning my own home, so I can so whatever I want to.
My friends and family.


I've been thinking about my own need to make peace within myself. It's not that there is all that much chaos, or anger, or other disruption in reality but the little bit that there is I'd like to resolve. I think I need to accept myself, faults and all. I need to be completely happy with myself. That's the hardest part. I already feel that I accept the people closest to me faults and all. I accept that I can't change the things seem to me to be faults. I am very happy with my life as it stands now. All the faults in my life are actually just things I'd like to have. (More money, a bigger home). There are a few thing from the past that I need to really look at and let go. Self doubt and disappointment are the main hurdles I have to cross.