Sunday, September 10, 2006

Influencial relationships I've had.

Last night, while I couldn't sleep, I was thinking about the various relationships I've had, and how they influenced me. Some made huge impacts on my life and who I am now, while others made smaller/softer impacts.

My first "real" boyfriend was Carlos Rosencrans Jr., he was a Junior at Gadsden High School the year I was a Freshman. He was sweet and made me feel special. My family moved hundreds of miles away during the Winter break that year, and I never saw him again. He probably never thinks of me, if he remembers me at all. But he was important to me.

The first boyfriend to "cheat" on me was Bill Brant. We saw each other for about a year, I wasn't allowed to date yet though so we didn't really get to do much. I had a girl friend, who had just transferred to our school, I can't remember how I knew her before that but I did. Anyway, one day she and I were talking and she started to tell me about her new boyfriend, and mentioned that his name was Bill. We quickly figured out that he was "going" with both of us at the same time. So we gave him a choice, "Her or me." He chose her. No big deal really, he didn't have much ambition or direction in his life, we were headed toward a break up anyway. A few days later, she gave him a box of chocolate chip cookies and broke up with him. He called me and asked if I'd take him back! I didn't, and he discovered that the cookies had ex-lax chocolate in them. From him I learn caution when giving my heart.

There were boys in High School that I liked, some that I had crushes on, and a few that thought I loved. But until I met Don Weber, through the CB radio, I hadn't really dated much. Eventually we started to have sex, the first time in the back seat of a car on a double date! (It was rather ... non-exciting, almost boring) Don and I were married in December 1977, I had just turned 18 that October, and he was just short of 21. The marriage was rocky, and full of emotional and occasionally sexual abuse. But I got my 2 oldest sons out of the deal, and for that I'm grateful. From him I learned that I can take care of myself and be just fine without a man, if I choose to.

Dannan Tavona-Riley was one of my best friends, and helped me through my divorce from Don and eventually we became lovers. We were married about 4 months after my divorce became final. We had some really wonderful times, but he eventually decided that he couldn't handle the tough situations that came up with my kids any more and after 11 years he decided to leave me. From him I learned that "I" have worth, outside of my children. That I'm intelligent, and that even a good thing can end.

This may sound a little slutty to some of you, but I had another relationship while Dannan and I were married. We had an open relationship, we believe in polyamory (loving more than one person at a time) and it had nothing to do with the end of our relationship. Anyway, Jeff Gill was the love that I never really had. I know that I loved him a lot more than he loved me, if he ever really loved me at all. It wasn't just sex either, we spent a lot of time together going to SCA events, people there thought we were married to each other! I enjoyed talking to him, and just being in his company. But eventually he found a woman he wanted to marry. She told me that I was the only woman she worried could mess up their marriage. Things happened, and he decided that his relationship with her was more important. I haven't seen or heard from him in about 4 years, I hope he is happy. From him I learned that love can not conquer all.

Howard McMillen and I have been together since May 1998, when we met and it was lust at first sight. Things grew from there as we spent more and more time together, eventually he officially moved into my apartment with me, and on May 1, 2000 we were married. If you have read my blog for a while you already know some of the how and why of our relationship. So far so good.

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