Saturday, December 30, 2006

About feeling upset, no car, and the New Year.

Well, today was really something. I'm still feeling sick with this head cold, but needed to go out to pay a bill. We went downtown just fine, Aidan was very good. Then we took a bus out South Commercial to the Wal-Mart where I got a little umbrella stroller. Aidan wanted to ride in it right away, so we went to Rent-A-Center to make the computer payment, it's only about a block and a half from Wal-Mart. All went well there too. The trouble didn't start until I wanted to get on a bus back downtown. Aidan didn't want to get out of the stroller. So we walked, and walked, and walked. Okay, I walked and he rode in the stroller. I think it was about 14 blocks later when Aidan was getting too cold and tired of the stroller. By then we were no longer on a bus route. It was starting to get dark, and only got colder and colder. I walked the next 8 or 9 blocks with Aidan screaming and trying to get out of the stroller. Luckily for both of us he was too tired and angry to think of undoing the little safety belt thing. About 3 blocks from home Aidan suddenly got quiet, so we stopped at a little store and got something to drink and a treat for both of us to share. He's been wonderful ever since. I feel even worse, my right ear hurts, and the scratchy throat is just barely controlled with cough drops at regular intervals.

I talked to Howard on the way home, he sort of tried to convince me he felt bad for me. I was willing to go along with it until he said "Now you know what I go through every day." Huh? He may walk most of the way to work most days, but he doesn't have a preschooler with him. He doesn't have to worry if the little one is getting too cold, if that cough is because of the weather or because he is getting sick, he doesn't have to listen to a young boy scream and wonder if someone will call the police thinking I'm stealing him or hurting him some how, and even if he did he wouldn't have as much to worry about since he is the biological father, and I'm only the step-Mom. I know it's really hard for him, I know he gets cold and tired and it seems like forever just to go couple yards. I wish I could do something to make it easier for him, but it's not the same. I'm not saying it was worse for me, because I didn't have to go all that far.

I don't really want a car right now. It's strange, I've always had a car or something available to get around. I thought I'd feel lost but I really only miss it when I want to get a major grocery shopping done, or wanted to get a large toy for Aidan that couldn't be easily carried on a bus. I have to work on feeling comfortable asking for a ride or saving up money for a taxi or something. I don't miss paying for gas, insurance and the usual up keep. I also need to walk, it will help with the weight loss and I need to get in better shape. (I just don't want to walk as much as I did today, in the cold with Aidan.)

Well, enough feeling sorry for myself. I probably won't post until after New Years Day, so I want to wish you a Happy New Year. I hope you have a good time what ever you do. I'll be home alone, well as alone as I can be with Aidan in the apartment, watching whatever I can find interesting on the tube. No big party for me, but you know what? I'm perfectly happy with that. Peace and love.

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