Monday, July 26, 2004


Ever since my brother, Mark, was a baby I've had dreams of the boys I love falling into uncontrolled water and being lost to me. I'm 9 years older than Mark. With Mark it started not long after he had learned to walk. I dreamed that he walked off the wooden walk ways around the boiling mud pits at Yellow Stone National Park.

With Allen and Chris, I had several dreams about the river and losing them in the water because of the current and the cloudiness of the water. There was even one that had both of them falling into a lake, Allen first then Chris tried to get him and fell in too. I couldn't find either of them.

Xander, Elijah, and Connor were also in similar dreams. It was always rivers or lakes, never swimming pools.

There are only 3 little girls I've been close to, Snowanna (my niece), Savanna and Taylor (My friends girls I babysat), the dreams I had about them always had to do with someone doing something bad to them. Hurting them, killing them, molesting them.

With Aidan things have changed. Now he is falling or being dropped of high locations. That is probably because of the day Connor fell off the balcony at the apartments in Salem. I've had two dreams about it in the last couple of weeks. I'm sort of happy that the dreams changed because I can feel more relaxed at the lake than I used to. I couldn't go to the lake if ANY kids were around. Now I just keep an eye on Aidan and I'm fine. I can enjoy myself completely when I know that Aidan is safe. But now I'm developing a fear of heights I never had before.

I haven't remembered my dreams lately. Or when I do remember it's only for a few moments after I wake up.

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