Spring holidays, the house, my health and creativity.

Well, Easter came and went. This year there was very little hoopla. Last year there was a family barbecue, this year nothing. So we colored eggs, and let Aidan look for them. Well, we actually kind of forced him to look for them. He was not very interested in it at all. He wanted to eat them though, so we peeled one and he walked around the yard with it in his hand. It got dropped several times until I finally took it away and gave it to the dog.

So far there has been no news about the bigger house. I can't wait to get out of this one. I'm hoping that the deal will still go through. It would be so nice to have something go right finally. I think it's about time that our lives took a turn for the better. We've been at the bottom for almost 3 years now.

I've lost 5 pounds since I started to see the health educator. (I think its 4 or 5 months now.) Not a lot of weight, but a start. I'm making slow progress in reducing the amount of food I eat. I have noticed a difference. For example I used to eat 3 or 4 tacos (taco bell or home made) and now I feel over full with only 2! I'm reducing the amount of sugar and fat that I eat, but I know that I can't suddenly give up my favorite foods. So instead I'm trying to make some of my favorite things with more healthy ingredients. I bake with less sugar, and use splenda whenever possible. I've been looking for more healthy cooking oils, and using less fat of any kind all together. I haven't been walking as much as I should, partly because of my healing ribs and partly because I am so heavy walking puts a lot of stress on my back. I am out of shape, of course, but I've noticed that as the pounds slowly fade away I can walk faster and longer. No one but me will notice the difference, but I do notice and it's encouraging. I still have almost half my body weight to loose, but I think I can at least see the way.

I started to do some editing on the pictures we took while in Oregon. I had cropped them down and had some of them printed. Unfortunately some of them didn't print out well because they were/are off size. So now I have to re-crop them to either 8x10, 5x7 or 4x6 standard size so I can have prints made. I'd do them on my printer but it's not high enough quality for that and we are out of ink. I've also heard that home prints don't last as long. So I'm going to try to do some scrapbooking soon. I have done some digital scrapbooking lately. It's not the same as the ones I've made with real paper, but in some ways it's better. Because you can resize the pictures to fit the layout, you can change the color of your papers, frames, and other decorations, and journaling is quicker. But I don't like it as well either, because I don't have a real page to look at. Even though I could print the page it wouldn't be the same. It's fun though. Now all I have to do is figure out how to share them with people.

Theories of raising children.

I've just been over to The Zero Boss, where he has been talking about a book written by a couple called The Pearls. I checked out this link and read some of what they have published there. I've heard that there are people who are doing what the Pearls suggest, they are "training up children". Some of the methods taught might seem to be perfectly rational and reasonable, but on deeper thought they are seriously flawed. There is a story about a little girl, under a year old, who loved to climb the stairs. Did the Mother and Father, I hesitate to call them parents, put up a gate to protect their child? No, they took a willow switch and "switched" her little legs every time they caught her on the stairs. This little girl was about 4 months old. Then they put the switch on the steps to remind her that she would be switched if she climbed the stairs again. It worked, she didn't climb the stairs any more. Did she learn to obey her parents? I don't think so, I think she learned to fear the switchings and that fear extended to her parents.

I've discovered that spanking doesn't work very well. All it does is teach kids to fear their parents, and that hitting is an acceptable way to deal with people who don't follow the rules. Once kids get older they would choose spanking over being grounded for the week-end most of the time. Because it's over so much quicker. (I know that there are parents who beat their kids badly enough that they feel the pain for days after. That is not what I'm talking about, when I say spanking I mean a few swats with an open hand on the child's clothed bottom.)

I may not be the best Mother in the world, I've used spanking from time to time. I've been inconsistent with punishment. But I always tried to be there for my kids, I always tried to let them know how much I loved them. And somehow they turned out to be pretty good men. Not perfect, by any means, but they are loving and intelligent men. I am trying to do better with Aidan, I hope I learned something from my experiences with Christopher and Allen. I know I have and will make mistakes, but hopefully not the same ones I already made.

My theory about raising children, even though I don't always follow through with it, is fairly simple. Protect babies and small children from getting hurt by either removing things from their reach, or by blocking access to those things. Once a child can understand things you can tell them "No" when they reach for some thing they can't have. Explain why they can't have it. "It's hot and could burn you." "It's glass and will break easily." "It's not yours." It might not work the first few times, because the child hasn't quite grasped the full concept, but the older a child gets the easier it is to help them understand why something is wrong. Having a place where the child can sit, away from the action, and think about what happened can be helpful too. Some things, such as politeness and respect are best taught through example. If you say please and thank you, excuse me and I'm sorry, your child will pick up on it and start using those phrases too. When you treat others including you child with respect, your child learns to treat others with respect as well. Children will occasionally push their limits, it's a normal thing. I try to remain firm and consistent about those limits, but I'm afraid that I'm not always. Find logical consequences for behaviors, both good and bad. Older kids can sometimes be involved in deciding what consequences fit best for what behaviors. Stick to the consequences once you have developed them. This is hard sometimes, kids will react more strongly to the more meaningful consequences, and it's easy to give in and do something else.

There are probably as many ways to raise kids as there are parents. I just don't believe that beating a child into submission is the choice.

The passing of my young adulthood.

I just read that one of my favorite authors, one of the first writers whose name I remembered even after I had finished the book, I think she may have even been one of the first fantasy/sci-fi writers I had ever read, has died. Andre Norton was like a gift to the young woman, hungry for adventure, that I was some 25 or so years ago. My youngest brother, Mark, can be credited for starting me on the adventures I found in her books. (Thanks little brother.) I was probably older than many of her avid readers, I think I was about 20, but I needed those books in the same way that those teen age boys needed them. I was a young stay at home mom feeling bored and overwhelmed with my daily life. Reading became a way to cope, a way to take a break from that life. For the most part I enjoyed my life, but now and then I wondered what I was missing. Reading allowed me to have adventures while taking care of my child and home. I'd like to thank Andre Norton and all the other writers I have spent time with for helping people like me to get a fun, interesting break from our mundane lives.

Tiredness, tea and health

I don't know why I'm so tired these last few days. I want to take a nap, but Aidan hasn't been napping for the last 3 or 4 days. We moved him into a twin sized bed and he won't stay in bed during the day. He goes to bed just fine at night, but naps are out. Maybe he will get back into it later. I hope so.

I got the samples of Adagio tea a few days ago I got a 4 pack of herbal teas. They are mostly for Howard, I drink coffee most of the time. He likes all but one of them. I guess they haven't been as good with their customer service as they should be though. Over on Zero Boss, he's posted about his experience with them. Their representative actually posted in the comments, he comes off kind of rude. Things went fine for me, but I"m not sure if I'll ever order from them. I want their ingenuiTEA Set because it looks like it would help making tea easier, and it looks cool. LOL

My ribs are almost completely healed now. Thank goodness! It's allergy season here, yesterday my nose started that itchy - tickly feeling it gets during this time of year. I sneezed a lot, when my allergy pills wore off. If this had started a couple of weeks ago it would have been very painful, now it's only a little bit uncomfortable.

What I miss about my life without children.

There's been a discussion over on Metro Dad about the things parents miss about their pre childed lives. I think that I miss adult conversation the most. Because I'm a Stay-at-home-Mom I don't talk to anyone but Aidan most of the day. The first 3 hours that Howard is home is spent with Aidan, and then he is usually catching up on his e-mail and stuff. We do talk, but it's usually about Aidan or our family stuff. Important stuff to be sure, but not the stimulating conversion I used to have when I spent all day with Adults. We do have conversations on an adult level, they are just kind of infrequent. You know?

There have been days that I wondered if I made a mistake when I had my kids. When I wondered if I could manage to raise them to adulthood without major damage to them or to me. I have sometimes felt like they would be better off living somewhere else, away from me. Sometimes that happened when they were having particularity bad days. I can, of course, remember Aidan's bad days easier than Allen's or Christopher's. Sometimes they were MY bad days that caused those thoughts. It wasn't until Allen and Christopher grew into their teen years that I wondered if they were doing it on purpose. Until then I always wondered what I had done wrong, why couldn't I understand what they needed? Because I didn't believe that children misbehave to be mean to their parents.

I love my boys, they are my whole life. I enjoy spending time with them, I feel lucky to know them. Oh there were times, and I'm sure there will be more, when I didn't like them very much. And once they were old enough to understand the difference I told them so. "I will always love you with all my heart, but today, because of how you are behaving, I don't like you very much." Was that a bad thing to say to them? I don't think so. I'd have to ask them if they were hurt by that.

I am very happy that I decided to have each of my three sons in my life. I'd never trade my life now with a life with out them. No, it's not easy to be a parent of a toddler, or a teenager, or even an adult. You always worry about them, and hurt for them when things go bad. But I, personally, enjoy being a Mom. I can still have adult conversations, if given the chance. I can still read any books I want to, and I can still enjoy the arts and crafts I like to do, I just have to arrange my schedule to fit them in. And for me that is fine.

Saddness, anger and guilt.

Today I'm feeling, guilty, sad, frustrated, and stressed in turns. Early yesterday morning my Mother-in-law passed away. It seems that she stopped taking her medication for her liver just after she came home from a trip with her church choir at Christmas. We don't know why she stopped taking it, or wasn't taking it correctly. She knew that if she needed it, and couldn't pay for it, someone would get it for her. Part of me thinks she did it to get sick so that she could guilt her sons into a reconciliation. I really hope that isn't what happened.

We talked to the funeral home today. It was decided to have her cremated so that someone could take her to Oregon and bury her ashes with her husband. The Memorial will be on Thursday at her church, the final arrangements haven't been made yet but it will probably be around 11 AM or so, with a BBQ at Donny's afterward for the family.

Part of me is relieved that we won't have to deal with her any more. She was not an easy person to know. I feel very guilty for feeling that way. I'm sad that Howard has lost his Mother and that Aidan has lost his Grandma. I'm stressed and frustrated with all the details and the interpersonal relations in this family. I'll be glad when it's all over so that we can get back to normal, what ever that is. I feel guilty for that too. I'm angry that she died the way she did, because Howard feels guilty about it.

Thank you, everyone, for being here for me.

Free Tea

While reading Catawampus I discovered that you can get free tea just by posting a link to their site on your web page. So here it is Adagio. It looks like there are some interesting things on their site. I haven't gone through the whole site yet.

Mother's-in-law

My Mother-in-law is in the hospital. She wasn't taking her meds correctly and got neumonia. She wants us to believe that she is close to death, because she thinks that Howard and his brother Donny will reconcile if she is on deaths bed. So, for now, we are all playing nice while trying to spend too much time in the same place. I won't forgive Donny until he admits what he did and says he is sorry, but I can be civil to him. She keeps trying to put me in the middle of Howard and Donny's problems, but I won't let her do it. They have issues that have nothing to do with me. So we will probably spend an hour or two at the hospital every afternoon until she gets out. This is uncomfortable for me physically as well and emotionally. Oh well, it will most likely be only 2 weeks or so.

A MEME I found.

Over on Catawampus I found this, she calls it a MEME. Any way here it is.

Instructions:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

She feels, and I agree, that the instructions are a little strange. I'm going to take them literally, and only post the 6th, 7th and 8th sentences.

I actually had to go find a book with more than 123 pages, most of the ones closest to me are little kids books. LOL The first book with more than 123 pages I found was London Bridges by James Patterson.

" At a little before midnight word began to circulate that HRT surveillance had turned up something else, About one in the morning I was called to a small bookkeeping room that was serving as headquarters. It was getting close to put-up-or-shut-up time."

It was actually a whole paragraph. I could have picked up something else, after all I have lost of books around here.

A tail of two broken ribs.

The main thing on my mind lately is, of course, my ribs. Everything I do hurts at least a little bit. But things are getting better, the pulled muscles and stressed tendons are healing well so that most of the remaining pain is because of my ribs.

I've been trying to remember how it happened, but the details are kind of fuzzy. It was Monday the 7th of February. Aidan had gone up the stairs for the hundredth time, so I went up to get him. I had him around the middle with my left arm, he was facing away from me, the hand rail was on the left side. I felt myself start to fall. I must have tried to catch myself because the fingers of my right had some damage. I almost stopped us from falling, but couldn't quite do it. I let Aidan slip down to the last couple of steps. And then I continued to fall. I think I landed on a large monitor. I don't remember landing, or rolling to my back. I couldn't breath, and all I could think of was Aidan, was he hurt? Of course he was fine, not a bump or bruise on him.

My Mom, who used to be a CNA and a massage therapist, was there and started to check me out. Snowanna was a little panicked and asked if she should call an ambulance. David took Aidan to the other room and kept him busy while I tried to make my lungs work again. The second thing Snowanna asked me was, "Did you break a finger nail?" (I got my first acrylic nails on the 5th) Funny enough, the second thing Howard asked me, once he found out I was OK was also "Did you break a nail?" Mom took Aidan and me up to Hood River with her that night. The next day I felt really bad so Mom took me to the hospital, where I had ex-rays that showed my broken ribs. I wasn't thinking too well, and didn't look at them. I'm not sure which ones are broken. I do know, because of where it hurts the most, that they are in the upper part and I think the breaks are under my arm toward the front. Oh yeah, it's my right side, and that causes a lot of trouble because I'm very right handed. Every move I make, every thing I pick up, every time I breath deeply it hurts. Coughing is bad, but sneezing is worse. It's been 2 weeks, the Doctor says it will be about 6 weeks before I'm back to normal.

Howard is being very nice and helpful. Aidan is taking advantage of the fact that I'm not moving very fast. LOL He's 2 now and this just gives him a little edge. He is really a good boy and he isn't really misbehaving all that much, just pushing the limits a little bit. If all things keep going as they are right now we will be fine.

I'm home.

My visit to Oregon was very nice. The wedding was beautiful, I saw family and friends that I haven't seen in awhile. I enjoyed visiting with my Mom and Dad, I stayed with them for about a week. We all loved our visit with Snowanna and David and DJ. I lost some of the phone numbers of people I really wanted to see, Jennifer and Pikes being the main concern. And then instead of having the time to look for them and find them I fell down the stairs and broke 2 ribs. So I spent most of my visit in pain and trying not to move too much.

Jennifer: I'm sorry I never got around to calling you my dear friend, I really did want to see you. I've missed you so much! I hope you understand.

I probably won't be posting much for the next few weeks. Typing is kind of painful. But I'll Try to post once in awhile.

Monday positives

Well, there is only one positive for today, mainly because I don't have much time. We are leaving today for Oregon. Mark, my youngest brother, is getting married on February 6th. I am hoping that we will be able to stay for a little while and visit with my family and friends. So you probably won't hear from me until after the 14th. I'd like to spend Aidan's birthday with my family. Take care everyone.

PBS and Margaret Spellings.

I was very disappointed that PBS is backing down. Have you heard about the kids program they have called "Post Cards from Buster"? It's an animated show about a bunny who travels around the country with his airline pilot Dad visiting with families along the way. In one episode he visits Vermont, where he meets two same sex families. I hear that they are not going to distribute this episode because "Margaret Spellings, the new secretary of the U.S. Department of Education, criticized the episode as inappropriate for children." I had hoped that PBS would be able to stand up for all American Families and not bow to oppression. Perhaps the threat of the loss of some funding, although just the amount of money that one episode cost, was enough to make them back down.

Mommy's little Sailor boy. 

Aidan and Buddy. 

My boy. 

A Monday Positive and a Monday Negative.

I went to the Doctor this morning. All the blood work came out really good. She said that except for my weight I'm very healthy. Blood sugar and cholesterol levels are VERY good according to her. She said that she isn't worried about the Celebrex, because there hasn't been enough research and the main genetic factors I need to worry about have to do with clots and cholesterol and Celebrex actually thins the blood a little. As for the dizziness, she just wants me to keep track and see if it's related to a cold or sinus problem or perhaps the ... I don't remember how to spell it, meniers disease or something like that. There isn't much that can be done about it anyway. She and the Health Educator, Katherine, are ok with my progress even though I haven't lost any weight in the last month, I also didn't gain any weight either.

Last night Aidan decided to get Howard's cup out of the microwave. I was on the phone, and Howard had to run to the bathroom, when the microwave beeped. A few seconds later I heard Aidan yelling. He had climbed up onto the ice chest that is in front of the table the microwave is on and taken the cup of hot water out. In the process of climbing down with it he spilled it on his right arm at the elbow. He had a slight scald, it was red for a few minutes. There are still some patches that are pinkish and one area that looks like if might blister, but he doesn't seem to be in pain. He keeps doing everything that he always does. The only time it seemed to hurt was when I grabbed his arm to keep him from falling. I am so glad that he is ok. It was scary.

This and that.

For those of you who are on our Friends and Family message board, I want to apologize to you for the inappropriate message Howard's Mom posted. She thinks she is the Queen of the guilt trip, but in reality she is more of a Drama Queen. I've asked her not to post such things there again.

Aidan is saying more words now. He says something that sound close to "I Love you" when I say "I love you" to him. He is trying to make the sign for I love you. I wish I could give you a clear description of it, but today my mind seems to want to take the long way around everything.

He covers his mouth with his hand and says "Skoos me" whenever I burp. Because I do that. He hasn't connected that when he burps he should do it too.

I wish Buddy would eat more. He is looking really skinny. We give him plenty of food, and he even has an extra bowl where it's harder for the neighbor dogs to get to, but he doesn't eat it. I don't know what to do. On the other hand Miss Kitty is getting pretty fat. I thought she might be pregnant, but I held her last night and it's all just chubbiness, her legs and chest are also getting fatter, not just her tummy. I didn't feel any babies when I was petting/squeezing her belly, I hope that she will hold off on her first heat so that I can get the money to get her fixed. I don't want to add to the unwanted cat population.

I'll see the Doctor and the Health Educator on Monday. I'll talk to the Doctor about the Celebrex, because my family has a history of heart problems. We will also discuss the blood test results and other health questions I have for her. I'll talk to the Health Educator about what I've done to adjust my eating habits, and what kinds of exorcise I've been doing, or not doing. I've worked on reducing my portion sizes, partly by using smaller plates and by cooking less food at any given meal. I've walked some and danced some, but not enough. Probably only about 20 minutes a week on average. I need to up that to closer to 80 minutes a week. But I do have a plan, so I've got a good start. It's going to take a lot of time, to work up to the right eating and exorcise habits, but I'm determined to do it.

Last night my left leg slipped out from under me and I fell hard on right hip and left arm. I almost fell on top of Aidan. I don't know what caused me to slip. My left arm hurts, that achey feeling just before a muscle cramp is closest to how it feels. My right leg will have bruises from the hip down to the knee because I fell into Aidan's carseat. But I missed Aidan and didn't break or sprain anything so I guess I'm lucky. Oh, and I think I'm going to have a nasty bruise on the upper part of my left knee.

I've been using my slow cooker a lot, well once or twice a week. I've made Rroasts, Swiss steak , Cchili Verde, and today I'm making Chili. I really like the way things turn out, tender with the flavors well mixed. So far everything has been pretty easy to put together. The hardest part is the cutting and chopping of the veggies. The house smells so good when I use it.

We are working on coming up with the money to get up to Oregon for Marks wedding. I want to be up there a couple of days before our money comes in, but I may not be able to pull that off. I guess we could leave really early on the 3rd, and hope to be up there and not totally exhausted for the bachelor's party on the 4th. The wedding is the 6th so I'm sure I'll make it in time for that. I don't know if Howard will be going with me or not. I'm not looking forward to driving that far alone with Aidan, but I could do it if I need to. Or maybe it would be better to go by train? Hmm I'll have to check out the cost of tickets.

I'm feeling a little divided, I want to move into a bigger place, and I want to move back to Oregon. Howard is looking for jobs up there, and if he goes to the Wedding with me he will spend some of his time looking through the papers, and actually going to the places he would like to work to put in applications. If he doesn't go with me then I'll bring back the papers for him. It might not be wise to move into the bigger house just to have to sell it and move to Oregon, but I REALLY want to move into the bigger space. And what if Howard doesn't get a job in Oregon for a couple of years? I don't want to live in this place for that long.

Monday Positives.

It's been quite a while since I last took the time to think of the good things in my life.

Aidan is happy and healthy.
Learning to use my slow cooker.
Eating better, and loosing 2 pounds last month.
Talking to the people I love on the phone.
Finally getting a new cell phone. (Now if only I can talk Jimmy into letting me keep it.)

I hope everyone has a good week.