I've never been part of the "group". There was always something that kept me on the outside.
I married young, I was the first in my small group of friends to get married. This kept me out of the dating scene, the single woman out on the town like some of my friends.
I had my children before they had their's, so when they were doing things together as childless couples I was at home with my kids. (I wouldn't change this if I could, my kids are great, I'm glad I had them when I did.)
Then they had babies and my kids were older. They were doing the things Moms with babies do together.
I didn't have much support so I took my kids with me almost anywhere I went. Which meant not being as involved in things as I would have liked.
When I was got divorced, they were all still married, when I remarried some of them got divorced.
Then my friends moved away, and I found myself with a new group of friends, all of them younger than I am. And again I was outside because of my age and my half grown kids. I know that it was never intentional, they didn't exclude me on purpose, but my age, my kids and my already established marriage kept me separate from them.
I sometimes envy their closeness. I sometimes regret that I couldn't really join in and be part of their lives as I would have wanted to. Mostly I am sad that the best choices in my life, to have my kids and to keep them with me most of the time, are also the choices that have kept me from developing deep lasting relationships with some of the most interesting, intelligent, amazing people in the world.
I don't feel sorry for myself, so please don't feel badly if you are one of my friends. I decided that my kids, my family were more important than anything else. It was my choice, not yours.
I don't know why I wanted to write this post, maybe to clear my mind or to let you in on a part of myself that I usually keep hidden. Anyway there it is.